Category Archives: Default

“School” Retreat Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“It is a love which is total—that very special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything, allowing no unreasonable exceptions and not thinking solely of their own convenience. Whoever really loves his partner loves not only for what he receives, but loves that partner for the partner’s own sake, content to be able to enrich the other with the gift of himself” (Humanae Vitae, no. 9). To love another for his or her own sake requires selfless seeking of the other’s authentic good. This selfless form of friendship takes on new qualities and responsibilities in marriage when our own happiness also depends on it.

Marriage is a school of love because it demands the gift of love each and every day. The source of our love for one another lies beyond ourselves, it is rooted in the love of God: “The order of love belongs to the intimate life of God himself, the life of the Trinity […] Love, which is of God, communicates itself to creatures: ‘God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us’ (Rom 5:5)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 29). When drawing from the love of God, we can transform our marriages into true friendships of authentic self-giving. Moreover, marriage is “an ‘affective union’, spiritual and sacrificial, which combines the warmth of friendship and erotic passion, and endures long after emotions and passion subside” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 120).

Reflection
Friendship can take many forms, between men and women, gals and pals, and brothers and sisters. The friendship that exists in marriage, however, is an unrepeatable form of friendship that combines both philos (friendship) and eros (attraction), allowing it to take on new dimensions of intimacy and involvement. It can sometimes be difficult to draw the line between what we share with our best friends and what we share with our spouse exclusively. It is important to define ‘friend boundaries’ as couples and recognize that however close we may be with others, there is always something unique to the friendship we cherish with our spouse.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How do you and your spouse nurture your unique friendship?
(2) Are there any friends who get in the way of your own bonding time?
(3) How can friends of one or the other spouse become friends to both spouses and enrich rather than detract from your marriage?

Holy Couples – Saints Isidore the Farmer and Maria de la Cabeza

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Virtual Retreat Homepage

“School” Retreat Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life

Breaking Open the Theme
The Church teaches that there are two ends or purposes of marriage: the unitive – the intimate union of man and woman – and the procreative – the fruit of their union. Married love is life-giving, fruitful. “And if each of these essential qualities, the unitive and the procreative, is preserved, the use of marriage fully retains its sense of true mutual love and its ordination to the supreme responsibility of parenthood to which man is called” (Humanae Vitae, no. 12).

A child is the incomparable gift of marriage between a man and woman. Procreation is a wonderful and awe-inspiring participation in God’s creation. From the beginning of creation, God intended that man and woman partake in this transmission of life “to which marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordered: ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it’ (Gen. 1:28)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 6). The gift of human life is meant to arise from a mutual cooperation between God’s love and the love of the couple. Moreover, it is the fruit of the mutual self-giving of the spouses in marriage (see Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 18). This beautiful interplay of cooperation and mutual self-giving are vivid examples of how God continues to create life through those who welcome it.

Reflection
Every married couple forms a community of life around them, but not every couple will experience this through the gift of their own child. This can be a source of great pain and discouragement. Infertility is on the rise in the United States and many couples who dreamed of large families are faced with the unexpected inability to bear children. However, God still wants the couple to partake in His creative love. He desires that every marriage be fruitful. The fruitfulness of Christian marriages “expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 184).

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) If you are a parent, how has your child (or children) been a blessing to you? How have you changed for the better since becoming a parent?
(2) If you do not have children, how do you demonstrate the mutual gift of self in other ways that serve as an example to your community? What other life-bearing fruit has God born through you?
(3) Do you know a couple experiencing infertility or miscarriage? How have you accompanied them in their pain?

Holy Couples – Saints Joachim and Anne

Virtual Retreat Homepage

“School” Retreat Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life

Breaking Open the Theme
“The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1614). Marriage is a sacred covenant, a bond “established by God himself” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1640) that is permanent. From the beginning of time, God intended it to be this way, such that “when ‘a man shall leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife, so that the two become one flesh’, there remains in force the law which comes from God himself: ‘What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder’ (Mt. 19:6)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 12).

Following from the permanency of marriage is its faithfulness and exclusivity: “Married love is also faithful and exclusive of all other, and this until death. […] Though this fidelity of husband and wife sometimes presents difficulties, no one has the right to assert that it is impossible; it is, on the contrary, always honorable and meritorious. The example of countless married couples proves not only that fidelity is in accord with the nature of marriage, but also that it is the source of profound and enduring happiness” (Humanae Vitae, no. 9). “The lasting union expressed by the marriage vows is more than a formality or a traditional formula; it is rooted in the natural inclinations of the human person” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 123). Moreover, the sacramental grace received in marriage between the baptized is available to the husband and wife to assist and strengthen them at every moment—times of joy and times of pain, sadness, and need.

Reflection
Every couple will experience at some point in their marriage times of pain and dissatisfaction. It is to be expected that imperfect people lead to imperfect couples. Perfection and impeccability are not what make for good marriages. A good marriage is one in which husband and wife continue to try and try again. They don’t give up on themselves or on one another (or on God!). Marriage is a lasting commitment to be tenacious in this ongoing relationship to one another. The ability to forgive and start again is the most eloquent expression of faithful love.

In a “throw-away” culture of hook-ups, co-habitation, and pre-nuptial agreements, the commitment to anyone “until death do us part” can be perceived as irresponsible at best or terrifying at worst. Many people desire lasting commitment but at the same time fear it or fear rejection and failure. The Christian way of life challenges us to embrace the grace of God, which makes all things possible and satisfies the innermost desire of men and women for love that lasts.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

Name one or two examples of tension or difficulty in your marriage. How have you worked through these times or plan to?
In what ways, if any, is your fidelity to one another challenged? How can these challenges be met?
How does forgiveness play a part in your marriage? Are there areas that still need to be forgiven?

Holy Couples – Saints Gregory and Nonna

Virtual Retreat Homepage

“School” Retreat Day One: Marriage is a School of Life

Breaking Open the Theme
For those called to the vocation of marriage, it is a school of life. Marriage teaches us about ourselves and others, how to make and maintain good relationships, how to develop character and virtue, and how to love those whom God gives us as family. The unique relationship between husband and wife is a privileged place for this journey of life where a couple learns how to become the man and woman they are called to be together in a union of life-giving love. Sanctified and fortified by the matrimonial covenant, husband and wife assist one another in “a partnership of the whole of life” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no.1601). Marriage shows in a special way how men and women are made for each other.

In His divine design, God has established marriage as an “intimate community of life and love” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no.1603; see Amoris Laetitia, no. 67). As a community of persons, it reflects the shared life and love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Moreover, the indissoluble union of husband and wife in Christian marriage “is a sign of how much Christ loved his Church in the covenant sealed on the cross” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 73).

Reflection
In our technological age, it can be difficult to put aside the cell phone and laptop to spend some quality time living side by side with those who are most precious to us. Marriages can become strained by the constant ringing and dinging of our devices, which increasingly demand our attention, and life can quickly pass us by without our noticing or being present to those around us.

Marriage demands a far greater commitment of life than an occasional glance in the direction of our loved one. In order for a marital relationship to grow and deepen, it needs to be watered and nurtured, cared for and tended to like any delicate form of life. It requires our undivided attention and devotion. All married couples to some extent experience a certain learning curve in marriage. It takes time and repetition to learn the lessons that make marriage a school of life.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

What are a few lessons that you have learned at the school of marriage?
How could you improve your ability to learn from one another as a couple?
In what way can you and your spouse improve your “partnership of the whole of life”?

Holy Couples – Saints Louis and Zelie Martin

Virtual Retreat Homepage

National Marriage Week Contest Rules

During National Marriage Week (Feb. 7-14), For Your Marriage will run a contest on social media. By entering the contest, contestants agree to these rules, including the Agreement for Entry in Contest (below).

Entry into the contest: a contestant will be entered into the contest by replying to a contest question posted on social media; a different question will be posted each day from February 7-13)*
Age of contestants: all contestants must be older than 18
Number of entries: only one entry per day is allowed; a contestant may enter again on an additional day or days by answering an additional question or questions
Permissible entries: entries should in good faith attempt to answer the question asked; entries that do not will be deleted
Selection of the winners: each morning (February 8-14), a winner will be selected from the previous day’s entries (received before 12 midnight Eastern Time)
Announcement of winners: after the winner is selected, his/her name will be announced on social media
Prize: each day’s prize is a pair of ForYourMarriage water bottles from the USCCB store; a total of 8 prizes will be given
Sending prize to winner: each day’s winner will be asked to contact marriage@usccb.org and send his/her mailing address; the prize will then be mailed to the winner.

Fine print (Agreement for Entry in Contest):
*By submitting an entry in the For Your Marriage National Marriage Week contest (“Entry”), the Contestant agrees that the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (“Conference”) shall be the sole and exclusive owner of Contestant’s entry, including but not limited to the copyright, and that Conference shall own or be licensed to use any materials and/or elements embodied in the Entry which are not original to Contestant, to indemnify and hold harmless Conference from and against any and all claims, suits and costs which Conference may incur arising from the entry and Contestant’s preparation of the entry, and that Conference may assign, license or otherwise transfer its rights under this Agreement and that this Agreement shall inure to the benefit of Conference’s assigns, successors and licensees. Contestant agrees that this Agreement has been made in the District of Columbia, and that any and all claims arising from this Agreement will be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the District of Columbia.

The Church’s Best Kept Secret

Forget the DaVinci Code and all the other supposedly mysterious workings of the Catholic Church. The Church’s best kept secret is its social teaching.

It’s not that the Church is trying to keep it a secret. In fact, during the last 120 years, the Church has issued a wide range of documents suggesting ways that people and organizations can help create a more humane world, especially one shaped by greater economic justice.

You might ask: Why has a 2,000-year-old Church gotten around to the issue of social justice only in the last hundred years or so? In fact, the Church has been engaging social issues throughout its history. And it has relied heavily on ideas of justice and charity from the Old and New Testaments, as well as from its long tradition of interpreting the word of God.

For example, medieval Christianity was permeated with the social teaching of the Church. As one writer has put it: “In the confessional Christians declared not only their sins against faith but also any transgressions with regard to just prices, stipulated merchandise, loans, contracts, and relations with employers or dependents.”

But with the Industrial Revolution came a need to apply the Christian ethic to a changing world. The medieval world of farms and handicrafts and regional fairs was displaced by the new world of machines and factories. Life in the factories could be a brutal existence. During the early years of the Industrial Revolution, for example, it was not unusual for little girls (some as young as ten) to be on duty in the factory for 14 hours a day. The irony of using young children in factories was not lost on social critics, like the one who wrote this short poem: “The golf links lie so near the mill That almost every day The laboring children can look out And see the men at play.”

It was against this backdrop that Pope Leo XIII wrote the first papal encyclical of the Church’s modern social teaching. Encyclicals are letters issued by popes that clarify areas of Church teaching. This first social encyclical was entitled Rerum Novarum, or “Of New Things,” and its subject, as Pope Leo wrote, was the “Condition of the Working Classes.” Since Rerum Novarum, the Church has developed a theology and a philosophy that apply Christian teachings to political, social, economic, cultural and technological life. As the subject of Rerum Novarum suggests, much of the teaching concerns the workplace and the people who labor in it. In 2005, the Church issued an extensive discussion of its social teaching in the form of a book entitled, Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church.

The Compendium has many themes which characterize the Church’s teaching, but only four main principles. Its bishops and theologians, for the most part, are not working social scientists, so the Compendium focuses on those aspects of society where it can really add value. Those are the questions that get to the heart of our lives on earth, that explore the meaning of human life and how well the issues of producing and consuming enhance that meaning.

Here’s a short description of each.

Human Dignity. The first and most basic principle of Catholic Social Teaching is human dignity. This is a dignity that is conferred not by society or by statute or by custom, but by the law of God and the law of nature. People are created in the image of God, and so, by their very nature, have a right to life, freedom of conscience, and many other rights, as well as responsibilities. Human dignity is inalienable, meaning it can’t be taken away by any human institution. This principle is common to believers and unbelievers. It was accepted by philosophers long before the birth of Christ and has a prominent place in America’s Declaration of Independence.

The Common Good. The second principle is the common good. As Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, pointed out three centuries before Christ: “Man is by nature a social animal.” People can’t find fulfillment by themselves. They can find it only by cooperating with others, by helping others to find their own fulfillment in a search for the good purposes in life which are common to all members of society. The ultimate purpose in life is union with God. The common good creates the conditions in society that help people live more fulfilling lives and achieve their ultimate goal.

Solidarity. The third principle is solidarity. In a word, we’re all in this together. It’s not race against race, nation against nation, class against class, man against woman, worker against management. Solidarity seeks cooperation rather than competition. It seeks the common good rather than personal advantage. Solidarity seeks justice in our relationships with others, as well as true charity, which is more than simply giving alms to the poor but is also an active commitment to help those among us develop into the people of character they were capable of being.

Subsidiarity. The fourth principle is subsidiarity, which has been a constant teaching of the Church since the early social encyclicals. It is the understanding that true civil society is more than the lone individual, on the one hand, and an all-powerful state, on the other. Civil society encompasses all sorts of institutions. The most important is the family, which was the first, and still is, the most basic institution in society. But subsidiarity is about more than protecting individuals. It is also about helping individuals and communities use their own initiative and industry to develop themselves. It is the recognition that people and organizations at the grass roots are often, although not always, better at judging what is needed for true development than people in distant capitals or corporate headquarters.

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter, who worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress

Marriage Rx

All relationships need help from time to time. Each article in Marriage Rx discusses the symptoms of a common but perplexing problem and offers a prescription to keep your marriage healthy.

The Empty Nest by Judy Clark

Resolving Differences by Kathy Beirne

Parenting Teens by Lynda Madison

Career Conflicts by Susan Vogt

Remarriage by Bill Urbine

Personality Differences by Judy Clark

Recreation by Mary Jo Pedersen

Making Moral Decisions by Joanne Heaney-Hunter

Parenting to Beat the Bedtime Blues by Lynda Madison

The Marital Sexual Relationship by Don Paglia

Finances: Yours/Mine/Ours by Judy Clark

Interfering In-Laws by Kathy Beirne

Sharing Household Duties by Mary Jo Pedersen

How Much Does Faith Matter? by Susan Vogt

Balancing Family and Work by Jim Healy, Ph.D.

When Your Marriage Hits the Boredom Rut by Don Paglia

Planning a Catholic Wedding

Nowadays many engaged couples handle a lot of their own wedding planning. When at least one of the individuals is Catholic this can include making arrangements to be married in a Catholic church. This is a significant decision. It means more than just choosing an appropriate and picturesque setting for the ceremony and the photos!

You’re trying to make your wedding a meaningful and memorable experience and, most of all, to express in a clear and beautiful way the hopes you have for your married life. How can you achieve these goals in the celebration of your wedding? Here are three general suggestions. You can find even more specific ideas on other parts of this website.

Take time to prepare and plan

Catholic dioceses in the United States have policies that require a preparation period of six months to one year for couples who want to be married in the Church. The preparation includes a contact with the parish in which they want to have their wedding. It’s a good idea to get your date on the parish calendar as soon as possible. It’s also important to talk with the parish priest or deacon or pastoral minister about what the parish allows and expects in a celebration. It is also possible that the parish can offer specific help and resources, such as a person to help you plan and coordinate the event.

Beginning early to work with the parish makes practical good sense and it also helps you to develop a relationship with a community that shares your faith and wants to support you in the sacrament you are about receive and live. Quite likely you will be given some material about the Catholic wedding liturgy and encouraged to read and ask questions. Take the time to do this. It will enhance your preparation and help you to focus on the meaning of the commitment you are about to make.

Three forms of the Rite of Marriage

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. There is a third form, which also does not include a Mass, for a Catholic marrying someone who is a non-Christian. You should choose one of these forms in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness your marriage vows. Watch the video to learn more about the Rite of Marriage.

Take advantage of options

Within each of the three forms of the Rite there are additional choices. For example, you can select biblical readings, blessings, and prayers from the approved texts. You can also choose friends or family members for different roles in the ceremony, such as readers and those who assist with the Eucharistic gifts and the distribution of Holy Communion. Making these choices with your future spouse and with the priest or deacon can help you to learn more about the Catholic understanding of marriage and to become more deeply involved in your celebration of it.

Take notice of the ritual

A very good way to know what the Catholic Church believes is to participate in its worship. This is especially true in the case of marriage. The Catholic wedding rite, whether it is celebrated within a Mass or not, is a powerful teaching tool. This is experienced in many ways, for example:

in the active role taken by the couple who, in the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church, are the “ministers” of the sacrament;
in the fact that the wedding takes place in a church, signifying it is a sacred action;
in the scriptural readings which speak of God’s plan for marriage and his presence to the couple;
in the music which lifts our thoughts and feelings in a prayerful, joyful way;
in the homily given by the priest or deacon addressing the couple and their guests about the meaning of marriage as well as its joys and challenges;
in the vows and exchange of rings in which the couple express their freely-given consent, promising to create a loving and lifelong union of permanence, fidelity, and openness to children;
in the various prayers and blessings through which the Church solemnizes and supports the journey on which the couple is embarking.

Thoughtful, prayerful planning and participation in your Catholic wedding ceremony is a decision that will bring many blessings to your married life long after you’ve forgotten all the other decisions you made about flowers, photos, and favors on the tables!

For Further Reading:

The Catholic Wedding Book: A Complete Guidebook by Molly K. Hans and Fr. William C. Graham

Celebrate National Marriage Week 2019

This February 7-14, 2019, we will celebrate National Marriage Week! This annual observance is a great opportunity to reflect on the gift marriage is to our Church and our country. We also hope it will encourage conversation on how strong marriages promote and sustain strong societies by curtailing poverty and benefiting children.

Here’s how you can join us this week:

Spend a little dedicated time in prayer and reflection by participating in our seven-day virtual retreat (also available in PDF) focused on marriage. This year the retreat theme is “Marriage: Made for a Reason.”
Pray a rosary for married couples and families with us! Join the livestream on Friday, February 8th at 3:00pm EST on the USCCB Facebook Page.
Invite your diocesan or parish community to pray for marriage with these Prayers of the Faithful for National Marriage Week.
Enter our online contest each day of National Marriage Week on the For Your Marriage Facebook page. (Contest rules available on For Your Marriage.)

Join us virtually for a Facebook Live on the USCCB Facebook Page with USCCB Marriage and Family Life Staff at 2:00pm EST on Wednesday February 13th.

Find more resources on the USCCB National Marriage Week page, including a Preaching Resource for clergy, a letter from Archbishop Chaput and a flyer (also in Spanish) for your parish.

And here’s some resources to build up your marriage all year long:

Listen to Marriage Unique for a Reason’s Made for Love Podcast, which tells the stories of real people living out the call to love. Here are some of our favorites episodes on marriage:

Episode 6: Real Marriage vs. the Ideal

Episode 10: Men & Women: Not Two Halves, but Two Wholes

Episode 19: Cultural Differences in Marriage

Take a look at our Daily Marriage Tips. Maybe you’ll find a new idea to strengthen your relationship.

Visit the website of Worldwide Marriage Encounter, which provides numerous resources for celebrating World Marriage Day.

The website for National Marriage Week offers helpful ideas for building up your own marriage, recommended reading, supporting marriage in the community and much more. There’s also a listing of marriage-building events throughout the country.

This entry was posted in Default and tagged National Marriage Week on January 22, 2018 by Catherine Rotterman.

New Year’s Resolutions for Couples

What can you do for your marriage in 2018? Try making a New Year’s resolution to improve your relationship. Here are some ideas to get started:

“Adopt” a patron saint for the coming year to intercede for you and your family. Throughout the year, read a biography about him or her, attend Mass together on the saint’s feast day, and find litanies, novenas, and other prayers to pray together.

Make a “spiritual New Year’s resolution” together. Choose one thing to stick to through this year as a family: monthly Confession, praying the Liturgy of the Hours, First Friday Adoration, etc. For some suggestions on praying as a family, check out this article.

Take turns selecting a favorite Scripture passage to pray about each week. Share your reflections with each other.

If you don’t already eat dinner together as a family, try to commit to one night (or more) each week to eat together.

Subscribe to For Your Marriage’s daily marriage tips.

Draw up your 2018 household budget together. Discuss spending priorities, including charitable donations.

Set up a prayer intention board in a common space in your home. Pray together each night for one another’s intentions.

Start saving up for a vacation later in the year, or even a “staycation”. Start planning now to take time off of work to devote to your spouse and kids. It needn’t be extravagant to foster quality time and relaxation.

Is there anything that is causing strain in your marriage? Lack of communication, long job hours, technology dependence, unforgiven hurts? Take time in the new year to make concrete steps toward reconciliation and growth.

Resolve to do a weekly act of love or service for your spouse – a hidden sacrifice, a little surprise, an unprompted chore or errand.

Schedule several “Date Nights” for each month of the year.

Resolve to read at least one book on how to strengthen your relationship. Unsure where to start? Browse through the archived book reviews.

While it’s important to strengthen the marriage relationship, marriage is also a sacrament of service. It’s true that marriage benefits the couple, but it’s also good for their family, community, and the Church. Resolve to do at least one service activity this year, as a family or a couple. Perhaps it’s bringing canned goods to the local food pantry on a regular basis or helping out with a parish fundraising project.

This entry was posted in Default and tagged Enriching Your Marriage, Family Traditions on December 31, 2017 by foryourmarriage.

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