Category Archives: Default

Married Saint: St. Gianna Molla

St. GiannaBorn: October 4, 1922
Died: April 28, 1962
Feast Day: April 28
Patronage: Mothers, Physicians, and Unborn Children

St. Gianna Berretta Molla was born in 1922 near Milan in Italy.

After completing secondary school, she decided to study medicine, specializing in pediatrics. Once she had completed her medical degree, St. Gianna considered joining her brother, a missionary priest in Brazil. However, in late 1954 she met Pietro Molla, an engineer and fellow member of Catholic Action. It became clear that she was called to the vocation of marriage. She and Pietro were married in September 1955.

Gianna and Pietro already had three children when she became pregnant in 1961. Early in the pregnancy, a dangerous fibroma was discovered on her uterus. Choosing the route of treatment least dangerous to her unborn child, Gianna underwent surgery to remove the fibroma.

The operation was successful and the baby survived, but Gianna knew that complications could develop. She made her wishes clear to her family, saying, “This time it will be a difficult delivery, and they may have to save one or the other — I want them to save my baby.”

On April 21, 1962, Gianna’s fourth child, Gianna Emanuella, was successfully delivered via Caesarean section. However, Gianna continued to have severe pain, and died of infection seven days after her daughter’s birth.

Pope John Paul II canonized Gianna Molla on May 16, 2004. Her husband and youngest child were present at the canonization ceremony. St. Gianna’s feast day is April 28.

St. Gianna Molla, pray for us.

For further reading

What’s Your Idea of Fun?

If there is a rock wall to climb nearby, Bob will be there. Any snow-covered slope is a potential cross country ski run. Bike rides and a gym workout are his way to have fun. Christine, on the other hand, loves to use her free time to snuggle up with a good book or lie on the couch watching a movie. The word sweat is not in her vocabulary.

When they were dating Christine went along willingly with Bob on his adventures. The novelty of swimming by moonlight and sleeping in tents drew her to his sense of adventure and love of the outdoors. Bob enjoyed quiet nights of watching movies with Christine as a perfect way to have quality time with her.

Then they were married. Within the first year her schooling and part-time work and his demanding job made free time for recreation increasingly difficult. On weekends, she would curl up with a book and he would go to the gym.

By the second year of marriage, they were spending much of their leisure time apart. Bob was riding with a bicycling club and was on a regular basketball team. Christine joined a book club at their church and went to chick flicks with girlfriends. They had begun to lead separate recreational lives and had very little time to spend alone together having fun. Fun had moved out of the house and into separate little cubicles occupied with same sex friends.

One night during a heated disagreement, Christine angrily accused Bob of “not being very much fun anymore.” He made a counter-accusation saying all she wanted to do was “sit around” and he didn’t think that was much fun at all.

How to Deal With Different Interests

It is not unusual for couples to have differing interests and tastes in recreation – or in any other area of life for that matter. It’s true that opposites attract and what might have seemed exciting about a partner’s habits during courtship often feels frustrating after marriage. Having different interests has the advantage of putting variety in a relationship and keeping things from getting stale.

Like every couple who has promised to love and honor one another, Christine and Bob have the opportunity to bring their differences to the table and to create a common life together combining strengths and interests to form an “us.” Such a partnership is a great enterprise, but not an easy one. A strong marriage requires both spouses to develop new ways of doing things while maintaining their own unique individuality. Couples can begin by doing what every successful partnership has done.

1. Build on strengths

Bob and Christine can begin by affirming each other. That means a word of encouragement or congratulations when a game is won or a book completed. It means asking about the movie’s theme or the game’s strategy allowing the other to share his or her excitement and interest. It’s easy to resent the play time of our partner when we are not involved, but resentment will only poison the partnership and distance the spouses from each other. Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

2. Name the problem

Effective partnerships face problems head on. Couples need to recognize and name the tension that is brewing. Issues that silently cause couples to drift apart lead to alienation and divorce. It’s an elephant in the room. Naming it gives Christine and Bob the power to change the situation. Discussing how to solve the problem begins with each partner showing a desire to share fun activities and to make compromises. It’s most effective to name the problem without accusations and to honestly talking about feelings and hopes for the future. If each spouse knows that the other is willing to sacrifice for the common good, it’s easier to find a workable compromise.

3. Plan for solutions

Like any strong partnership, a couple’s relationship has to have a plan for change. Bob and Christine need to make a plan to find new ways of deepening their friendship by having fun together. Compromise and negotiation are the rules for planning. Perhaps that means going to a hockey game one weekend and a movie the next. Or, when finances are limited, options might include playing cards or electronic games at home together or with another couple. Both spouses will have to give up some individual time in order to have joint recreational time.

4. Evaluate and start again

Partnership solutions are often found by trial and error. If one thing doesn’t work, smart partners try another. Because marriage is a covenant, there is no walking away from problems. Sources of help include advice from other couples, a book by marriage experts, or a marriage counseling.

Relaxation and play time strengthen friendship and contribute to marital bonding. In the vocation of Christian marriage husband, wife, and God are meant to share a holy unity – a “partnership of love and life.” That partnership includes the couple and God who is present within the challenges and joys of everyday life. In addressing their differences, Bob and Christine are bound to practice forgiveness, self-sacrifice, humility, and willingness to compromise for love. Doing that will make them better partners for each other and with God.

About the author
Mary Jo Pedersen is a teacher and trainer in the areas of marriage and family ministry and author of several books including For Better, For Worse, For God: Exploring The Holy Mystery Of Marriage, Loyola Press, 2008.

Married Saint: Bl. Peter To Rot

bl-peter-to-rotBorn: 1912
Died: 1945
Feast Day: July 7

Blessed Peter To Rot was born and lived most of his life in Rakunai, Papua New Guinea.

Peter’s father was a respected chief and village leader. Both his parents were converts to Catholicism. Peter attended Catholic missionary schools and at age 18 was sent to Catechist School. At 21 he returned to Rakunai and became the youngest catechist. Blessed Peter taught catechism to the village children, instructed adults in the faith and visited the sick.

At 22 he married Paula Ia Varpit. The couple had three children, one of whom was born after Peter’s death. The marriage was not only happy but exemplary—the couple prayed together every morning and evening.

In 1942 the Japanese invaded Papua New Guinea and put all priests and religious into prison. Because of this, Peter took on many new pastoral responsibilities, such as witnessing marriages, baptizing newborns, and presiding at funerals.

Although the Japanese did not outlaw all Catholic practices at first, they soon reintroduced polygamy in Papua New Guinea in hopes of gaining the support of several local chiefs. Peter To Rot opposed the legalization of polygamy, and continued to preach the Catholic teaching on marriage.

Because of his opposition, he was imprisoned and then murdered in 1945. He was given a chief’s burial at the cemetery next to the church where he had ministered. His people immediately recognized him as a martyr for the faith.

Pope John Paul II beatified Peter To Rot on January 17, 1995.

Bl. Peter To Rot, pray for us.

For further reading:

Married Saint: Bl. Giuseppe Tovini

Born: March 14, 1841
Died: January 16, 1897
Feast Day: January 16

Beatified in 1998, Giuseppe Tovini may not be a name that is familiar to readers. Giuseppe Antonio Tovini was born in 1841 into a devout family in far northern Italy, the eldest of seven children. Giuseppe’s childhood was uneventful. He progressed through school to university, where he chose to study the law. But before he finished his studies, his life took a more difficult turn, as first his father and then his mother died, leaving him to support his younger brothers and sisters.

Giuseppe’s first job was as a teacher and assistant principal at a technical school, where he gained a special interest in education. At around the same time, he began what would be a life-long parallel career of public service, as head of the city government in his hometown, Cividate Camuno. From the beginning, Giuseppe treated his political duties as a form of stewardship, paying off the town’s debts and improving roads and bridges.

When his term in the city government was over, Giuseppe moved to nearby Brescia in order to increase his law practice. There he met Emilia Corbolani, the daughter of one of the partners in his firm, with whom he fell in love. Three years later the couple got engaged and they married after a four-year engagement in 1875.

Even though Giuseppe was busy with work and public activities, he and Emilia had a happy domestic life. He made a point of writing letters to her whenever he had to be away from home. Their family steadily grew and they welcomed ten children over the 22 years they were married.

Emilia and Giuseppe ran a strict but loving household. They particularly believed that it was important to teach their children the faith and to pass on a strong work ethic. Although Giuseppe had high expectations of his children, he was known as patient and gentle father.

As his family increased, so did Giuseppe’s public work. He continued to hold public office and became very active in Catholic Action, serving for many years as an organizer for and participant in the Catholic Congresses. Among his many, many other endeavors, he founded two banks in order to provide low-interest funding to charitable organizations.

Giuseppe’s open involvement in both civic life and Catholic organizations at that time in Italy’s history took courage. Anti-Catholic sentiment was strong during the period of Italy’s unification. Giuseppe fought to preserve the Church’s role in public life in Italy, despite accusations that he was anti-patriotic for doing so.

Giuseppe Tovini died suddenly and peacefully at home in 1897 at the age of 56. He was beatified almost 100 years later by Pope John Paul II.

Bl. Giuseppe Tovini, pray for us. 

Grandparents: Keepers of the Family’s Stories

All families have a unique history comprised of milestone events and peopled by a diverse cast of characters. This history of a family is passed on in the telling of its stories. The richest families are those in which the stories have been remembered, treasured, and incorporated into the spirit of the family.

Grandparents, more than anyone else, are the keepers of the family stories. They are a living bridge between the past and the future of a family. Their intimate connection with the two generations that preceded them and the two that follow gives them a remarkable knowledge and view of the landscape of five generations.

When grandchildren hear the family’s stories they learn who they are and from where they came. Research has shown that children who know something of their roots and the history of their family have stronger self-esteem. Through the family stories, children are given a sense of belonging and they develop a family pride. Stories about the family ancestors tend to build confidence in children and empower them.

Along with self-confidence and family pride, the family stories teach the faith, ethics and values of a family. Our faith stories help us to see how God has worked in the family story and brought us to where we are today. They link us to the good and saintly people who have been part of the family chain, and these people provide models for newer generations. Children need heroes with whom to identify and they are greatly enriched if they can find people in their own families to inspire and give them direction.

Children love long-ago and far-away stories. To them 50 years is long ago and another town, state, or part of the country can be far away. They are captivated by the adventure and excitement of times past and are fans of books like Little House on the Prairie, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Yet, if they could peer into their own family history, they might find stories that would equal any of those they read about. Unfortunately, most of those long-ago and far-away tales have disappeared from family memory.

Few families have held on to more than a couple generations of the family stories. Unless someone in the family tells the stories, they are lost, and when the family stories are lost a piece of the family’s soul and identity is lost. Maintaining and passing on the family stories is a precious gift that grandparents can give to their grandchildren.

Here are some ways that grandparents can share family stories with their grandchildren:

  • Compose and frame a collage of the previous generations of your family.
  • Compile an electonic photo album of past generations for your grandchildren.
  • Write a history of your family.
  • Buy a grandparent book and record your story for your family.
  • Frame your ancestoral pictures and create a gallery wall in your home.
  • Tell stories of what life was like when you were a child. Tell your grandchildren about your parents and grandparents.
  • Create a family cookbook with favorite family recipes and the stories that go with them.
  • Take your grandchildren to visit the ancestoral home and church of your family.
  • Create a family time-line of births, deaths, significant events. Have your grandchildren add their births and discuss how they are part of the larger on-going family.
  • Create a family tree. Include as many generations as you can.
  • Recover the stories – talk to other family members: cousins, aunts, uncles, parents to try to learn more of the family stories.
  • Join an on-line genealogy service such as Ancestory.com to explore more about your family.
  • Tell your grandchild the story of their parent’s childhood.

For Further Reading

  • A Grandparent’s Gift of Memories: A Pilgrimage with the Saints by Nancy Grove. This is a simple yet beautiful journal that interweaves stories of the saints with space for grandparents to share their own wisdom and life experiences with generations to come. Each section of the book starts off with a brief biography about a saint and a short passage from Scripture. The following pages contain questions and room for grandparents to reminisce and write their responses.

This article is based on a chapter from the Aitchisons’ small-group discussion-program, “The Grand Adventure – A New Call to Grandparenting.” More information about this 6-session program, published electronically by the Christian Family Movement, is available on the CFM website.

About the authors
Deacon Gary and Kay Aitchison live in Ames, Iowa and have 14 grandchildren.Over the years, they have shared with many parents and grandparents through their involvement in the Christian Family Movement.

Married Saint: St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Born: August 28, 1774
Died: January 4, 1821
Feast Day: January 4
Patronage: Catholic School, Loss of Parents

Elizabeth Ann Seton was known for her work later in life as foundress of the Sisters of Charity and a pioneer in Catholic education. Because of the importance of this work, it’s easy to overlook her earlier, less obvious accomplishments as wife, mother and friend to the poor. Yet this was the initial context in which she responded to God’s call to holiness and became the first American-born saint.

Elizabeth Bayley Seton was born in New York City on August 28, 1774. Elizabeth experienced a troubled childhood; her mother died when Elizabeth was young and her stepmother rejected her and her sister. At age 19 she married William Seton, a partner in an import-export firm. Elizabeth had always been a devout member of the Anglican Church, and as a young woman she became known for her charity as well, nursing the sick and dying among friends, family and neighbors. She had five children, two of whom pre-deceased her.

William Seton’s company went bankrupt and the family lost their home. When William developed tuberculosis, the couple sailed to the warmer climate of Italy, where he died, leaving Elizabeth a widow at age 29. The Filicchi family, who had befriended the Setons, offered support and financial assistance and introduced Elizabeth to Catholicism. When she returned to the U.S. she was received into the Church in 1805.

The following few years were hard. Anti-Catholic prejudice prevented Elizabeth from establishing a school that would have helped to provide for her children. As she considered the difficult alternatives, she remained a mother above all else. As one of her official biographies points out, “She regarded her five ‘darlings’ as her primary obligation over every other commitment” (National Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton website).

Invited to Baltimore by the Sulpicians, a religious order of men, Elizabeth founded the Sisters of Charity in the spirit of St. Vincent de Paul and St. Louise de Marillac. In 1809 the sisters arrived in Emmitsburg, Maryland and opened St. Joseph’s Free School and Academy. Their numbers grew and the Sisters opened and maintained numerous educational and charitable facilities. Today their work lives on around the world.

Elizabeth died in Emmitsburg on January 4, 1821. Pope Paul VI officially declared her a saint in 1975. Her feast day is January 4.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, pray for us. 

Eucharistic Adoration

Does your parish have Eucharistic adoration? It’s the practice of devout prayer before the body of Christ in the Eucharist, displayed outside of Mass. Once very widespread, it became less popular after the Second Vatican Council, which placed a greater emphasis on the active participation of the faithful in the liturgy itself. Although some liturgical theologians find Eucharistic adoration at odds with the purpose and practice of the Eucharist at Mass–that is to say, Communion–in recent years Eucharistic adoration has become more popular, particularly among younger Catholics.

The origins of Eucharistic adoration are not well-known. One of the first references to reserving the Blessed Sacrament for adoration is in the life of St. Basil the Great in the late fourth century. St. Basil supposedly divided the consecrated Eucharistic bread into three parts during the liturgy at his monastery. One part he consumed himself; the second was given to the monks; and the third portion was placed in a Golden Dove suspended above the altar. It seems likely that this reserved portion was kept for those who were unable to attend the liturgy because of illness or travel.

The practice of Eucharistic adoration among laypeople is thought to have begun in Avignon, France, on September 11, 1226. King Louis VII, having just won a victory over the Albigensians, asked that the Blessed Sacrament be placed on display at the Chapel of the Holy Cross. This exposition was so popular that the local bishop asked to have it continue indefinitely. Pope Honorius III gave his consent and the practice continued, nearly uninterrupted, until the French Revolution in 1792.

The longest-running Eucharistic adoration in the United States is with the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration in La Crosse, Wisconsin, who have been praying nonstop for more than 130 years.

Which Catholic (or Other) Dating Website Is Right for Me?

The United States has over 40 million people registered on over 1,500 online dating sites. These numbers are a bit overwhelming, so it is helpful to go over sites that might be most useful to Catholics. There are two basic types: general dating sites that have large numbers of people and those that are specifically Catholic dating sites.

General Dating Sites

Match.com typifies a general dating site. You begin by setting up a profile. Match.com asks a series of questions about you, your interests, lifestyle and background and values. At the end of the questions, Match.com encourages you to post a picture of yourself to generate greater interest in your profile. Once your profile is set up, you can search by age, interests, zip code, gender, or even key words. This searching ability is necessary as Match.com has more than 20 million users. (Its already high number of users was increased in 2010 when it absorbed Yahoo! Personals.)

If you worry about being able to sort through these numbers yourself, you can use the Match.com sister site, Chemistry.com. Chemistry.com has you take a personality test and then uses this information to suggest people who would be a good match, ideally for long term relationships.

eHarmony is another large dating site, also around 20 million users, and focuses on people who are interested in marital relationships. To set up a profile on eHarmony, you take a personality questionnaire consisting of over 400 questions. Your answers are analyzed by eHarmony’s “patented Compatibility Matching System” that uses personality traits to match individuals. This process eliminates those interested in casual dating and attracts those who are looking for serious relationships. Some believe that this is the reason eHarmony is one of the few online dating sites that has more women than men. eHarmony’s uniqueness and popularity are reflected in its approximately $50 a month cost.

While there are other general dating sites, Match.com and eHarmony are the most prominent. Other general sites operate in a similar manner but typically have some features that distinguish them from these two goliaths. The best examples include Coffee Meets Bagel, which uses your Facebook profile to find matches and allows women to contact men who have already expressed interest in them. Zoosk also works through Facebook and other social networking sites. These sites have around 10 million users each.

These sites can be useful for Catholic for a number of reasons. First, they provide a large pool of potential matches and they all have a large number of Catholics present on them. Second, they all have ways of indicating how important your faith is to you and matching you with people based on this characteristic. The limitation is that it’s up to you to indicate how important your faith is and what values you hold most important. You must take the initiative in attending to those whose faith and morals seem compatible. In short, these sites have lots of people and many useful tools for matching, but it’s your responsibility to make your faith a key component of these matches.

Catholic Dating Sites

Catholic dating sites have opposite strengths and weaknesses. On the one hand, they make faith and morals central to the process of matching. They facilitate both talking and learning about the faith. Their weakness is that they have smaller numbers of users.

Catholic dating sites all function similarly to the general dating sites with profiles, search options, and messaging systems. They supplement helping people find matches by providing articles and advice columns about the Catholic faith. Finally, they all charge around $20 a month, lower if you sign up for six months. CatholicMatch and CatholicSingles are two of the more prominent sites.

CatholicMatch is run by Acolyte, LLC (whose founder is a Catholic) and is one of the largest dating site specifically for Catholics. Its perspective is expressed through its seven “Do you agree with the Catholic Church’s teaching on…” questions that everyone must answer when they set up their profile. (These questions focus on the Eucharist, premarital sex, contraception, life issues, papal infallibility, Mary, and Holy Orders.) These questions can be answered by agreeing, slightly agreeing, or not agreeing, and the answers are used to find matches. CatholicMatch also runs the CatholicMatch Institute, which features success stories from CatholicMatch couples as well as dating and marriage advice.

CatholicSingles, another large dating site, aims to connect faithful Catholics by focusing on their activities and interests, rather than pictures. Users are asked to provide information on their personality, family background, spending habits, and how often they pray and go to mass.  In addition to answering classic prompts such as “My ideal first date might be,” users on CatholicSingles can add responses to “How religion plays a role in my daily life” and “What being Catholic means to me” to their profiles. Singles can filter for potential matches by age and location. Unlike CatholicMatch, they do not ask questions on whether you agree with Church teachings or not.

A third Catholic dating site launched in 2018. CatholicChemistry promises both a fresh approach to dating and a streamlined interface. Founder Chuck Gallucci says, “We want CatholicChemistry to be more than a meeting-place for Catholic singles. Every aspect of the user experience is designed to lead people towards deeper fidelity and appreciation of their faith.” Like CatholicMatch, the site also asks users’ opinions on Church teaching, but allows users to select if they’re unsure, but open to learning more. Once you’ve created a profile, you can filter potential matches by age, location, mass attendance, liturgy preferences, and answers to faith related questions.

The one site that is slightly different is AveMariaSingles. It focuses on a very specific Catholic audience. The website “pledges to offer a service solely dedicated to helping faithful, practicing Catholics find their future spouse and help them become a better follower of Christ.” The site is for Catholics who are able to marry in the Church and opposed to using contraception. Members have discerned a vocation to sacramental marriage but have not yet found the right person. AveMariaSingles offers a slightly different payment plan: a one time fee of over $150 that allows permanent access to the site. The result of this approach is a highly active membership that is just over 10,000 people.

While this list of sites is not exhaustive, it should give you a sense of the kind of sites that are available as well as their popularity and usefulness.

For Further Reading

Can Dating Websites Help You Find a Spouse?

With almost 40 million of the U.S. population having tried internet dating, it has become one of the largest online industries, grossing almost two billion dollars in 2011. eHarmony and Match.com have over 30 million users combined and the sites that focus mainly on Catholics—Catholicmingle.com, Catholicmatch.com and Avemariasingles.com—account for well over 200,000 individuals.

Given these numbers, it is fair to ask how helpful these sites are for finding successful relationships, including marital ones.

How do these websites help?

• These sites enable you to overcome many geographical limitations. Online sites expand the range of people you might meet. You can contact others of similar interests that are beyond where you work, live, and worship.

• You have a better chance of meeting people with similar beliefs. The websites either match you with people based on your preferences or provide tools that enable you to do the searching yourself. The Catholic sites have the added advantage of emphasizing a person’s faith. This enables people to discuss their beliefs up front, in the first few interactions, instead of after several conversations or dates. As shared values are essential for successful relationships and marriage, it is helpful to discuss them as you get to know someone and before you move forward in a relationship.

• The sites make it easier to meet people in-person, the best way to evaluate the potential for a relationship. They help you draw from a large pool of individuals to find those who might be of interest to you. After a few interactions online, the sites often suggest a short meeting in a public place, like a coffee shop, to see if you want to continue getting to know the other person. (Three or four online interactions seem to be ideal as by then you know if you are interested and you have found out most of what you can without meeting in person.) Many of the sites even sponsor events for users to facilitate these face-to-face meetings. Match.com, for example, has an initiative called “The Stir” where they sponsor events for users to meet each other.

• Each site takes several precautions to ensure the safety of its users. All of the companies said they screen profiles before posting them and continually check them for any violations of the company’s decency standards. Users are able to report any inappropriate material on profiles. The sites also recommend that you delay sharing your phone number and email address until after a few in-person meetings. You still must be cautious and responsible for your own safety, but there are several mechanisms in place to help protect users.

What are their limitations?

• Different sites focus on different types of relationships. Match.com is geared to provide users with a full range of relationship options from casual encounters to finding potential spouses. eHarmony emphasizes serious relationships, utilizing a 400 question personality inventory to pair users. The Catholic sites focus on serious relationships through a two-fold process of self-selection. First, by targeting Catholics, these sites attract Catholics, and Catholics typically value marriage. Second, each Catholic site further indicates what kind of emphasis it places on marriage. Avemariasingles.com, for example, is for those “practicing Catholics who are serious about marriage, not window shoppers looking for a date.” Catholicmingle.com, on the other hand, is for those seeking a faith community “for friendship, dating or marriage.”

• Be wary of any distinct, special, or “scientific” claims for matching people. What research has been done on these methods indicates, at best, that they are not as effective as in-person assessments and, at worst, that they are flawed in their approach. What these “matching” options are good at is eliminating those who are least compatible. In other words, the sites are better at indicating what two people would NOT have a good relationship rather than what two people will have a good relationship.

• Too many matches can become overwhelming. Imagine looking at a menu in a restaurant that has 1,000 possible meals on it. It is difficult to choose. Typically, what people do in these situations is break it down into easier choices (“Do I want chicken or fish?”) and eliminate huge portions of the menu. The problem is that this process can easily eliminate some of the best options. This approach is often what people end up doing on dating websites. When faced with a large number of matches, people choose some characteristic, like hair color or height, and eliminate those who do not have that characteristic. They do this to make the choosing manageable, but it does not guarantee the best outcomes. In short, more does not necessarily mean better.

• The sites tend to overly emphasize personal preference or fulfillment. Obviously, your own choice and preferences matter a great deal in choosing a spouse. Yet, marriage for Catholics is not just about what you want but how you will love and care for others. Another way to think about this is that dating websites often make the process feel like shopping, like a person is picking out a new coffee machine, golf clubs, or clothes. The result is that trying to figure out who is a good match often stops with “what makes you happy.” It forgets to ask: “Is this person good and loving to others as well as to me?”

• Finally, no one should forget that the goal of these sites is to make money. They usually allow you to register and browse for free and do not require payment (typically around $20 a month for 6 months) until you want to contact someone. This money provides you a service, a useful and often quality service, one that can even help you to find a spouse. Yet, the goal of the company is still, first and foremost, profit. While they want some people to meet and be happy together, they want most people to keep coming back and using the service. This is how they make money. Your interest in a good marriage and their interest in a good profit may align, but they will not always or necessarily do so.

Do they help you to find a spouse?

They can. In fact, in 2011 almost 20% of marriages began online. Just be clear that these dating websites help not by finding the perfect match for you but by expanding the number of people you can meet.

These sites complement meeting people in-person or through family, friends, or church groups. If you approach the sites this way, you should feel comfortable and even hopeful using them.

For Further Reading:

Catholics Are Meeting Their Spouse Online – a PDF from CatholicMatch

How to Make Moral Decisions

The Situation

Jeanne and Joe are engaged and will be married next year. They both have been working for several years, and are dedicated to their jobs. They are interested in both building their careers and their family life. They have agreed that their work outside the home should be valued equally, even after they have children.

Recently, Jeanne received exciting news. She was offered a major promotion, a job that would give her more visibility in her company and give them extra money to help pay for wedding expenses, furniture, and other necessities for their new apartment. The job offer sounds promising; Jeanne loves a challenge and considers herself up to the task of taking on significant new responsibilities. The new position, however, involves some potential drawbacks:

There would be considerable overtime associated with it. Her predecessor told her that he used to work at least 55 hours per week. Because this job is salaried rather than hourly, he did not receive overtime pay. In reality, the large increase in pay is reduced by the fact that she won’t get extra money for overtime.

The position involves one to two full weeks of travel per month.

How do Jeanne and Joe make a good decision about whether or not Jeanne should accept the position?

A Response

Sharing values and trying to discern God’s will when making moral decisions are critical elements in any Christian marriage. Over the course of a lifetime, couples make moral decisions on major life choices such as Jeanne and Joe face plus other more daily decisions about life style, use of time, talent, and money, and relationships with family and friends. Making a moral decision about an issue involves engaging in a process of prayerful reflection, conversation, and evaluation before reaching a conclusion.

People of faith should consider the following steps:

  1. Begin by opening your heart and mind to God in prayer. Ask for the grace to follow God’s will.
  2. Gather information to make a well-informed decision. Take advantage of articles, websites, and other resources. What does Church teaching say?
  3. Consult trusted advisors to gain clarity about the issue. Family members and friends can be sounding boards, but remember that in challenging situations, it might be difficult for them to maintain objectivity Parish staff or counselors might be able to assist if a situation is particularly difficult.
  4. If a decision involves both partners, make the decision together. It is crucial to come to consensus about decisions affecting both of you.
  5. Be open to reevaluate the decision after a time.

Keeping these steps in mind, how should Jeanne and Joe proceed?

They should celebrate Jeanne’s accomplishments. She has been recognized for her talent and dedication to her job. Whether or not she takes the promotion, both Jeanne and Joe should enjoy her recognition.

As people of faith, Jeanne and Joe should take time to pray for help in making this important decision. They might ask God to help them appreciate the positive and negative elements of this opportunity.

Jeanne and Joe must decide whether or not the new job will be good for Jeanne as a person and both of them as a couple. One way to do that is to write down the pros and cons of the situation. Ask the following questions: What impact will the changing responsibilities have on their relationship? For example, will considerable overtime have a negative impact on their time together? Is this impact worth the sacrifice? How much more money will she actually make when she moves from an hourly position to a salaried position? How do they feel about so much business travel? What is the impact when a couple is trying to establish their marriage and maintain a difficult travel schedule?

If Jeanne and Joe can’t come to agreement about the decision, they should consider getting help. If they are not already connected with their local parish, they will find helpful people there.

Having prayed and carefully weighed the pros and cons, they need to make the best decision they can. Both Jeanne and Joe must be willing to accept the decision, and must agree not to blame or point fingers if it doesn’t work out exactly as they thought it would.

Finally, Jeanne and Joe should agree to reevaluate the decision at a future date. In light of their experience, they should ask: Was this a good decision? Should they rethink it and begin the decision making process again? Agreeing to a reevaluation time helps keep the lines of communication open, and helps couples to understand that they do not have to be locked into a decision forever.

Remember, in many decisions, there is no crystal clear correct choice. Making a moral decision involves weighing options and arriving at the best solution possible at the time. However, when a couple agrees on basic life and faith values, and is willing to engage in a process of moral decision making, they can be confident about their choice, whatever it is.

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