Tag Archives: Wedding Liturgy / Nuptial Mass

Planning a Catholic Wedding

Nowadays many engaged couples handle a lot of their own wedding planning. When at least one of the individuals is Catholic this can include making arrangements to be married in a Catholic church. This is a significant decision. It means more than just choosing an appropriate and picturesque setting for the ceremony and the photos!

You’re trying to make your wedding a meaningful and memorable experience and, most of all, to express in a clear and beautiful way the hopes you have for your married life. How can you achieve these goals in the celebration of your wedding? Here are three general suggestions. You can find even more specific ideas on other parts of this website.

Take time to prepare and plan

Catholic dioceses in the United States have policies that require a preparation period of six months to one year for couples who want to be married in the Church. The preparation includes a contact with the parish in which they want to have their wedding. It’s a good idea to get your date on the parish calendar as soon as possible. It’s also important to talk with the parish priest or deacon or pastoral minister about what the parish allows and expects in a celebration. It is also possible that the parish can offer specific help and resources, such as a person to help you plan and coordinate the event.

Beginning early to work with the parish makes practical good sense and it also helps you to develop a relationship with a community that shares your faith and wants to support you in the sacrament you are about receive and live. Quite likely you will be given some material about the Catholic wedding liturgy and encouraged to read and ask questions. Take the time to do this. It will enhance your preparation and help you to focus on the meaning of the commitment you are about to make.

Three forms of the Rite of Marriage

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. There is a third form, which also does not include a Mass, for a Catholic marrying someone who is a non-Christian. You should choose one of these forms in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness your marriage vows. Watch the video to learn more about the Rite of Marriage.

Take advantage of options

Within each of the three forms of the Rite there are additional choices. For example, you can select biblical readings, blessings, and prayers from the approved texts. You can also choose friends or family members for different roles in the ceremony, such as readers and those who assist with the Eucharistic gifts and the distribution of Holy Communion. Making these choices with your future spouse and with the priest or deacon can help you to learn more about the Catholic understanding of marriage and to become more deeply involved in your celebration of it.

Take notice of the ritual

A very good way to know what the Catholic Church believes is to participate in its worship. This is especially true in the case of marriage. The Catholic wedding rite, whether it is celebrated within a Mass or not, is a powerful teaching tool. This is experienced in many ways, for example:

  • in the active role taken by the couple who, in the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church, are the “ministers” of the sacrament;
  • in the fact that the wedding takes place in a church, signifying it is a sacred action;
  • in the scriptural readings which speak of God’s plan for marriage and his presence to the couple;
  • in the music which lifts our thoughts and feelings in a prayerful, joyful way;
  • in the homily given by the priest or deacon addressing the couple and their guests about the meaning of marriage as well as its joys and challenges;
  • in the vows and exchange of rings in which the couple express their freely-given consent, promising to create a loving and lifelong union of permanence, fidelity, and openness to children;
  • in the various prayers and blessings through which the Church solemnizes and supports the journey on which the couple is embarking.

Thoughtful, prayerful planning and participation in your Catholic wedding ceremony is a decision that will bring many blessings to your married life long after you’ve forgotten all the other decisions you made about flowers, photos, and favors on the tables!

For Further Reading: 

The Questions Before Consent

“The Questions before the Consent” are an important part of a Catholic wedding ceremony. True to its name, this moment entails the celebrant (priest or deacon) asking the bride and groom a series of questions immediately before they exchange their consent and are married. As the Order of Celebrating Matrimony explains, these questions involve the couple’s “freedom of choice, fidelity to each other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children” (no. 60). While they are asked the questions together, each person must answer the questions individually. It is a solemn moment, as bride and groom pledge before God and the community their intention to undertake through God’s grace the vocation of lifelong marriage, a permanent union open to the gift of new life.

Celebrant:

[Name] and [Name], have you come here to enter into Marriage
without coercion,
freely and wholeheartedly?

The bridegroom and bride each say: I have.

The celebrant continues:

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage,
to love and honor each other
for as long as you both shall live?

The bridegroom and bride each say: I am.

The following question may be omitted, if circumstances suggest this, for example, if the couple are advanced in years.

Celebrant:
Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God
and to bring them up
according to the law of Christ and his Church?

The bridegroom and bride each say: I am.

Excerpts from the English translation of The Order of Celebrating Matrimony © 2013, International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation (ICEL). Used with permission. All rights reserved.

The Nuptial Blessing

The Nuptial Blessing is a beautiful moment in the Catholic wedding ceremony. It takes place after the bride and groom have exchanged their consent and so have become husband and wife. In this blessing, the celebrant (priest or deacon) prays for the married couple and asks that God give them special graces, including fidelity, the blessing of children, and a long life together. The prayer is filled with Scriptural allusions, going all the way back to the book of Genesis and its description of the way God created the universe and brought together the first man and woman to be “one flesh”.

In the wedding liturgy, the Nuptial Blessing takes place after the couple has exchanged consent and given each other rings. If the wedding takes place within Mass, the blessing comes after the Our Father is said or sung. The Nuptial Blessing is also part of the ceremony when the wedding takes place without Mass and in the marriage of a Catholic and non-Christian (although there is the option in the latter ceremony to replace it with a shorter prayer).

The words of the Nuptial Blessing are worth meditating on, not only for engaged couples preparing for their wedding but also for married couples at any stage. There are three versions of the prayer to choose from in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony; the first is reproduced here.

The Nuptial Blessing

O God, who by your mighty power
created all things out of nothing,
and, when you had set in place
the beginnings of the universe,
formed man and woman in your own image,
making the woman an inseparable helpmate to the man,
that they might be no longer two, but one flesh,
and taught that what you were pleased to make one
must never be divided;

O God, who consecrated the bond of Marriage
by so great a mystery
that in the wedding covenant you foreshadowed
the Sacrament of Christ and his Church;

O God, by whom woman is joined to man
and the companionship they had in the beginning
is endowed with the one blessing
not forfeited by original sin
nor washed away by the flood.

Look now with favor on these your servants,
joined together in Marriage,
who ask to be strengthened by your blessing.
Send down on them the grace of the Holy Spirit
and pour your love into their hearts,
that they may remain faithful in the Marriage covenant.

May the grace of love and peace
abide in your daughter [name],
and let her always follow the example of those holy women
whose praises are sung in the Scriptures.

May her husband entrust his heart to her,
so that, acknowledging her as his equal
and his joint heir to the life of grace,
he may show her due honor
and cherish her always
with the love that Christ has for his Church.

And now, Lord, we implore you:
may these your servants
hold fast to the faith and keep your commandments;
made one in the flesh,
may they be blameless in all they do;
and with the strength that comes from the Gospel,
may they bear true witness to Christ before all;
(may they be blessed with children,
and prove themselves virtuous parents,
who live to see their children’s children.)

And grant that,
reaching at last together the fullness of years
for which they hope,
they may come to the life of the blessed
in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Note: the words in parentheses may be omitted if it seems that circumstances suggest it, for example, if the bride and bridegroom are advanced in years.

Excerpts from the English translation of The Order of Celebrating Matrimony © 2013, International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation (ICEL). Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Order of Celebrating Matrimony, Second Edition, What’s New?

On November 12, 2013, the U.S. Bishops approved two documents with far reaching effects for the Sacrament of Marriage:

  • the English translation of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, Second Typical Edition;
  • particular adaptations to the Order of Celebrating Matrimony for the United States.

Following the Second Vatican Council (1962-65), the Church published a revised Order of Celebrating Matrimony (in Latin) in 1969 and the official English translation was published in 1970. In 1991, a revised version of this Order of Matrimony was published (in Latin), but the English translation was delayed for various reasons until now. In summer 2015, Rome gave its required approval to the work voted on by the U.S. Bishops. Available for purchase on August 25, 2016, the new Order can be used as of September 8, 2016 and must be used as of December 30, 2016 and after.

What’s New in the Second Edition?

Several things:

  • With the publication of the revised rite, its name will be changed from the present Rite of Marriage to Order of Celebrating Matrimony;
  • the Praenotanda or Introduction is greatly expanded, giving a deeper exposition of the Church’s theology of Marriage (44 paragraphs now as opposed to only 18 before);
  • the Entrance Rites are expanded and elaborated, with two sample introductory addresses provided for the priest or deacon;
  • it is now clarified that the Penitential Act is omitted (something which is usually done whenever there is a solemn procession at the beginning of Mass), and that the Gloria is always included when marriage is celebrated in the context of Mass;
  • within the Order of Celebrating Matrimony itself, there is an alternate form provided for the “Reception of Consent” that invokes Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and even Adam and Eve;
  • following the consent, the whole assembly is invited to respond:
    • Celebrant: Let us bless the Lord
    • Assembly: Thanks be to God
  • whereas a prayer for the couple could already be inserted into Eucharistic Prayer I, similar prayers are now provided for Eucharistic Prayers II and III;
  • two sample Prayers of the Faithful are provided;
  • the four Nuptial Blessings now include an explicit epiclesis or invocation calling forth the blessing of the Holy Spirit:
    • “Send down on them the grace of the Holy Spirit and pour your love into their hearts, that they may remain faithful in the Marriage covenant.”

Finally, there are two new rituals provided in the appendices:

  • An Order of Blessing an Engaged Couple;
  • and an Order of Blessing a Married Couple within Mass on the Anniversary of Marriage (this includes sample formulas for a renewal of commitment and a blessing of rings, both for the original rings or for new ones).

What are new U.S. adaptations?

The Holy See approved certain adaptations to the Order of Celebrating Marriage for use in the United States. One of them is already in the current Rite:

  • an alternate, optional, form of the exchange of consent, except the text will be slightly expanded in the new translation.

Two other adaptations are new:

  • the optional blessing and giving of the arras (coins)
  • and the optional blessing and placing of the lazo or veil.

Blessing and Giving of the Arras (Coins)

These adaptations—important for Hispanic and Filipino cultures—have already been approved for use in the United States in Spanish since 2010. Making them available in English translation is intended for occasions when one of the spouses has this cultural background but the other does not speak Spanish, or where both couples have this cultural background, but have become more accustomed to English than Spanish.

The word arras literally means “pledge.” Usually, the arras consists of a small cask containing thirteen gilded or plated coins symbolizing prosperity. The formula which both bride and groom say to each other during the exchange of the arras highlights their commitment to share together all the goods which they will receive during their married life.

Blessing and Placing of the Lazo or Veil

The lazo is a type of lasso or yoke to symbolize the marriage union. Its most usual form is a double-looped rosary; one loop goes over the groom’s shoulders and the other over the bride’s with the cross hanging between them. The two are now tied together for life, so to speak. To use the biblical expression, they become “one flesh.”

The veil seems to have had its origins as a symbol of both a dying to one’s past self (like a funeral pall) and as a protection from danger (like a cloak or protective covering). While the woman wears the veil, it is placed over the shoulder of the man and oftentimes the lazo helps to hold it in place. It is usually placed just before the Nuptial Blessing, since the Nuptial Blessing, symbolized by the veil, is the “protection” which the Church offers the newly married couple.

About the author
Fr. Dan Merz has been a priest of the Diocese of Jefferson City, Missouri since 1998.

How Much Does it Cost to Marry in the Church?

How much does it cost to get married in the Catholic Church?

Actually, nothing. Sacraments are not for sale. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (#2121) makes clear that the First Commandment forbids simony, which is the buying or selling of sacred things.

It’s appropriate, however, for the bride and groom to share their joy and, in generosity, to contribute to the support of the Church and its ministers. The donations and stipends associated with a wedding fall into three categories:

1. Donation to the church. Traditionally, the couple makes a donation to the church in which they are married. Sometimes an amount—or a range—is suggested, but often it’s left to the discretion of the couple. If the bride or groom or both are registered parishioners, the suggested amount may be minimal, or none. The assumption is that they are already supporting the parish with their regular financial contributions.

Some couples marry in a historic chapel or church. Keep in mind that wedding donations can be an important source of support for older buildings.

Couples should ask about the suggested donation if it is not specified in the written marriage policy. A helpful rule of thumb is to consider the donation in relation to the total amount spent on the wedding. In no case, however, should financial circumstances prevent a couple from approaching the Church for marriage.

2. Music ministers and others. In addition to an organist, weddings may feature instrumentalists, a cantor and other singers. Musicians’ fees are often explained in the parish’s marriage policy, or they can be discussed when the couple meets with the music director.

If the celebration includes a Mass, altar servers should be given a small offering.

3. Celebrant’s stipend. The services of the priest or deacon are free, but it is customary to offer a stipend. Usually, no specific amount is suggested. Couples may want to consider not only the time devoted to the rehearsal and wedding, but also the effort put into the marriage preparation process.

A final note

Donations and stipends should be placed in clearly marked envelopes and given to the intended recipient. Celebrants are not usually expected to distribute the stipends.

Some parishes require that certain fees be paid in advance, for example, a deposit to confirm the date, or the musician’s fee. Any remaining donations and stipends should be taken care of prior to the wedding day.

Avoiding Wedding Photography Mishaps

A video on YouTube is making the rounds on photography websites and blogs. I decided to join the discussion here because it relates to photography in a religious setting.

In the video, a minister is leading an outdoor wedding ceremony. As he speaks, one can hear the sound of a camera shutter firing away. The minister abruptly turns his attention to the wedding photographer and videographer standing behind him. He tells them, “Please, sirs, leave. This is a solemn assembly. Not a photography session. Please move.”

The expressions on the bride and groom’s faces are of sheer horror, probably thinking about that huge check they wrote to have their special day recorded and photographed.

As the camera is removed from its tripod and the video loses its focus, the minister is heard ending his sermon to the photographers: “This is not about photography. This is about God.”

What a terrible ending to what should have been a magnificent, memorable day.

Who is to blame for this incident and how could it have been avoided? First, both the photographers and the minister share the blame.

As a Catholic press photographer, I have covered religious ceremonies and witnessed other photographers who seemed to operate with complete disregard for the sacred environment in which they were working. They see no difference between shooting a prayer service or a sporting event. Whether it is the attire worn inside a church (T-shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes or sandals) or the way he or she distracts the congregation by moving around at inappropriate times, unprofessional photographers can give their colleagues a bad reputation.

At the same time, some church officials (whether it’s a priest, sacristan or master of ceremony) need to understand the importance of capturing the moment for posterity. While covering the ordination of several priests at Milwaukee’s St. John the Evangelist Cathedral several years ago, I received an unpleasant look from the master of ceremonies. Apparently another photographer got on his bad side and he restricted my movement at the liturgy.

I’ve photographed weddings at churches and know that each priest or minister has his or her own opinions about wedding photographers. A photographer’s first task is to meet with the minister, ideally at the wedding rehearsal, and discuss limitations or concerns for taking photos. Priests are usually fine with photographers moving around the church to get the right shot, but some don’t allow flash photography. The use of a motor-driven camera, which sounds like a muffled machine gun, can also be a distraction and should be avoided in churches.

Catholic weddings, especially ceremonies that take place within the celebration of Mass, are indeed sacred, sacramental events. But this should not prohibit capturing the event on camera.

The outcome captured in this video should never have happened. The photographers and the minister could have prevented it if some preplanning had taken place. The obvious losers were the bride and groom.

About the author
Sam Lucero is news and information director for The Compass and a 30-year veteran of the Catholic press.

Re-posted with permission from The Compass, the official newspaper for the Catholic Diocese of Green Bay, Wisconsin. Original link here.

The Exchange of Consent

The exchange of consent – often called the marriage vows – is at the heart of the Catholic wedding ceremony. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says, the consent exchanged between bride and groom “is the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage’” (no. 1626). Without consent, there is no marriage. The consent is part of every Catholic wedding ceremony, whether it takes place within Mass, without Mass, or between a Catholic and unbaptized person. It takes place after the Questions Before Consent and before the Blessing and Giving of Rings.

The words of consent provide rich reflection both for couples preparing for marriage and those married for years. Pope Francis wrote in Amoris Laetitia that the words of consent “cannot be reduced to the present; they involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part’” (no. 214). By promising in the presence of God and the Church to love each other faithfully for the rest of their lives, bride and groom form an unbreakable covenant.

The Consent

The bride and groom declare their consent using one of the following formulas:

Option #1. I (name) take you (name) to be my wife/husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

Option #2. I (name) take you (name) for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.

Or, the bride and groom may use one of the following formulas in which each answers I do after the priest or deacon poses the question.

Option #3. (Name), do you take (name) to be your wife/husband? Do you promise to be faithful to her/him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her/him and to honor her/him all the days of your life? I do.

Option #4. (Name), do you take (name) for your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part? I do.

Excerpts from the English translation of The Order of Celebrating Matrimony © 2013, International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation (ICEL). Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding

This video resource, produced by the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth, walks you through the Rite of Marriage, whether you’re marrying another Catholic, a baptized person who is not Catholic, or someone who is not baptized. It also answers several FAQs about Catholic weddings. Ideal for engaged couples, their families and anyone who is involved in Catholic marriage preparation.

Why Marry in the Catholic Church?

If you are beginning to dream about getting married you may also be thinking about where to hold your wedding ceremony. Every couple wants their wedding to be a memorable event and wants the ceremony to have a special meaning. The wedding day is one of the most important days in a couple’s life. You probably have friends who have found very creative ways to celebrate this day. Some may have selected natural settings such as beaches or mountains, or intimate settings such a parent’s or a friend’s home.

If you and/or your fiance(e) is Catholic, you are expected to marry in a Catholic church unless you have received permission to marry elsewhere. But marrying in a church is much more than an obligation. It’s an opportunity to hold a celebration that is joyful and meaningful, one that can have a positive impact on the rest of your married life.

What can be more romantic than the centuries old tradition of walking down the aisle in a parish church full of family and friends? What is more reassuring for the couple than being surrounded by the people who love them and who will give them ongoing support? What is more meaningful than reciting wedding vows handed down by Christian tradition? What is more awe inspiring than a rite through which you enter a spiritual reality where God unites you as husband and wife and gives you an important mission?

In the Catholic tradition, husband and wife accept a role in God’s plan for humanity. They are to be ambassadors of God’s love. Through their love for each other they show God’s deep love for us, and they collaborate with God to keep humanity alive. The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament, a vehicle for God’s graces to the couple and to the community.

The Vow of Permanence

The focal point of any wedding ceremony is the exchange of vows. The vows are not simply a ritual that defines the relationship of two people in love. They are much more. They are a sacred pact through which the spouses embrace each other and, together, embrace Christ as their partner. The pledge they make is unbreakable because through their union with Christ they participate in the unbreakable pact between God and humanity: the covenant that was sealed in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

A permanent commitment is an inherent attribute of the marital relationship. All couples who marry want their marriage to last a lifetime. Researchers tell us that the presence of an irrevocable commitment contributes to the happiness of the spouses. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, the authors of The Case for Marriage, write: “Having a partner who is committed for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, makes people happier and healthier.”

But married life is difficult and today many couples find it hard to keep their promises. Many young people have grown up experiencing the pain of divorce. While wanting to marry, they find it hard to believe that marriages can last a lifetime. They are afraid to commit. One of the benefits of a sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church is the power of God’s grace, which helps spouses keep their commitment and find happiness together. Social scientists are finding that couples who recognize God’s presence in their relationship are most satisfied in their marriages and are least likely to put their children, families and friends through the pain of a divorce.

Experiencing God’s Grace

Couples of faith are more successful and satisfied in marriage not because they have fewer problems than anyone else. What helps these couples grow and overcome obstacles is the help they find in God’s grace. Recently we asked some couples: “How do you experience God’s grace in your marriage?”

A wife married 28 years said: “We experience God’s grace in our marriage through the seasons of our life. He was present when we were newlyweds, when we had young children, and he is present now that we are empty nesters. He gives us strength in the tough times and celebrates with us the good times.”

A husband married 43 years said, “I experience God’s grace in the love and support I receive from my wife. Her care and patience are gifts I do not deserve. They are grace.”

Another husband married 15 years said, “I feel God’s grace when life gets out of control — loss of a job. I know I can turn to God and find the courage I need to carry on.”

A wife married 20 years said, “There are times when we are having an argument and we go to church still upset with each other. We hear a reading that speaks right to us. We look at each other and smirk because we know that God has touched our stubbornness. This is grace.”

God’s grace is all around because the spouses do not travel their journey alone. Blessed Pope John Paul II said: “Jesus does not stand by and leave you alone to face the challenge. He is always with you to transform your weakness into strength. Trust him when he says: ‘My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ (2 Cor. 12:9)”

Marriage in the Catholic Church is attractive not only because of its meaningful rituals and traditions, but because of its impact on your life and happiness. Couples can fully appreciate its value they look at married life through the eyes of faith. Then you will see your wedding not as a one-day event but as the door to a great adventure that will last the rest of your life, a journey that involves not just you and your spouse but one that includes God, your children, your community and all of society. Marriage is not an isolated relationship. The family based on marriage is the fundamental cell of human society. The Catholic Church invites you to give meaning to your life by embracing the vocation of marriage and forming a family that is dedicated to cultivating and sharing God’s love.

When you are ready to make your commitment, speak to your pastor and ask for his guidance on preparing for such a noble vocation.