Tag Archives: Wedding Costs

How Much Does it Cost to Marry in the Church?

How much does it cost to get married in the Catholic Church?

Actually, nothing. Sacraments are not for sale. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (#2121) makes clear that the First Commandment forbids simony, which is the buying or selling of sacred things.

It’s appropriate, however, for the bride and groom to share their joy and, in generosity, to contribute to the support of the Church and its ministers. The donations and stipends associated with a wedding fall into three categories:

1. Donation to the church. Traditionally, the couple makes a donation to the church in which they are married. Sometimes an amount—or a range—is suggested, but often it’s left to the discretion of the couple. If the bride or groom or both are registered parishioners, the suggested amount may be minimal, or none. The assumption is that they are already supporting the parish with their regular financial contributions.

Some couples marry in a historic chapel or church. Keep in mind that wedding donations can be an important source of support for older buildings.

Couples should ask about the suggested donation if it is not specified in the written marriage policy. A helpful rule of thumb is to consider the donation in relation to the total amount spent on the wedding. In no case, however, should financial circumstances prevent a couple from approaching the Church for marriage.

2. Music ministers and others. In addition to an organist, weddings may feature instrumentalists, a cantor and other singers. Musicians’ fees are often explained in the parish’s marriage policy, or they can be discussed when the couple meets with the music director.

If the celebration includes a Mass, altar servers should be given a small offering.

3. Celebrant’s stipend. The services of the priest or deacon are free, but it is customary to offer a stipend. Usually, no specific amount is suggested. Couples may want to consider not only the time devoted to the rehearsal and wedding, but also the effort put into the marriage preparation process.

A final note

Donations and stipends should be placed in clearly marked envelopes and given to the intended recipient. Celebrants are not usually expected to distribute the stipends.

Some parishes require that certain fees be paid in advance, for example, a deposit to confirm the date, or the musician’s fee. Any remaining donations and stipends should be taken care of prior to the wedding day.

Budgeting for Your Wedding

Costs vary by region, but the average wedding ranges between $20,000 and $25,000. Some couples justify their spending because it’s a “once in a lifetime” event. Others feel pressured by families and friends to stage an elaborate celebration. Expectations may be greater for couples who have been on their own for a while. Presumably, they have more financial resources, plus they’ve accumulated lots of great ideas from their friends’ weddings.

The Catholic Church understands a couple’s desire for an appropriate celebration of their marriage with family and friends. In the Catholic Church, marriage is a sacrament. All sacraments are to be celebrated because they are encounters with Jesus Christ. A wedding celebrates Christ’s gift of marital love to this particular man and woman. It is a time for rejoicing.

But what is “appropriate”? The U.S. Catholic bishops have not spoken directly about wedding spending, but couples might ask the following questions before setting up a wedding budget.

What do you want the wedding to say about you and your values?

Couples frequently say they want their wedding to express who they are. Of course, a Christian wedding is much more than a personal identity statement. Still, this is a legitimate concern; after all, the wedding is the couple’s first public act as husband and wife. It should say something about what’s important to them. Do you want to express hospitality, gratitude for the support of family and friends, and a commitment to share your love with others? Then plan a wedding that highlights those values.

Are you willing to go into debt, or put family members in debt, because of this wedding?

According to a national study, debt brought into marriage is among the top three problematic issues for newly married couples. Many couples are already struggling with credit card debt and student loans. Do you really want to add wedding debt to the mix? Financial worries can strain even seasoned couples. Newly married couples are especially at risk.

Are you willing to focus time and energy on the details of a lavish wedding? Will this reduce the attention you can pay to preparing for the marriage itself?

You may have heard the Engaged Encounter slogan: “A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime.” In other words, what are your priorities? The engagement period is not only a time to plan the wedding, but to prepare for your married lives. Too much concentration on the former can take time from the Must-Have Conversations that need to take place before the wedding. It can also turn you into an overstressed Bride- or Groomzilla.

Do you feel comfortable with the amount you plan to spend? Have you considered this in relation to the needs of people in your community?

The U.S. Bishops have called people to “carefully consider our choices and lifestyles.” They point out that “we live in a culture that prizes the consumption of material goods. While the poor often have too little, many of us can be easily caught up in a frenzy of wanting more and more” (Global Climate Change, 15).

Moderation is the key. If you have a feeling that wedding expenses are getting out of hand, they probably are. To restore your focus, consider how your wedding might express your concern for the needy. Some couples prepare a large food basket that they bring forward along with the bread and wine for Mass. Other couples include a request on their wedding invitations that guests bring one or two items of non-perishable food to the church. These are then given to the parish food pantry or a local food bank. Couples can also make a donation, from the money they may receive as gifts, to the parish’s social outreach committee.

Can you really cut down on wedding expenses? Absolutely! Check out the resources below to get started. Then take up the challenge of planning a dream wedding that won’t break your budget.

Ten Tips for Keeping Your Catholic Wedding Focused on Faith

A bride and groom getting married in the Catholic Church know that their wedding is about more than the perfect dress or expertly staged pictures: for baptized Christians, marriage is a sacrament, and for all couples getting married Catholic, the wedding is a profound expression of God’s love and a witness to the couple’s faith. Here are some ways to help keep your wedding focused on what truly matters.

1. Keep it simple.

In “The Joy of Love” (Amoris Laetitia [AL]), Pope Francis notes that sometimes all the practical considerations about the wedding—the things that wedding magazines focus on, like color schemes, makeup design, or clothing— “tend to drain not only the budget but energy and joy as well” (no. 212). Pope Francis does not want you to be “exhausted and harried” on your wedding day instead of “focused and ready for the great step that [you] are about to take” (AL, no. 212).

2. Can’t afford a fancy wedding? Get married anyway.

Sometimes people are so concerned with the fact that they can’t afford a grand celebration that they decide not to marry. The Holy Father says to these couples: “Have the courage to be different. Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances… You are capable of opting for a more modest and simple celebration in which love takes precedence over everything else” (AL, no. 212). If cost is a true obstacle, ask your parish priest for help. There may be people in your parish who can pitch in to make things more affordable, or perhaps another couple getting married around the same time with whom you could share the expense of decorations.

3. Choose your readings and prayers carefully and pay attention to the liturgy.

There’s a reason that the engaged couple chooses the readings and a number of the prayers in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony: the love that God has given you to share is the reason that you and your loved ones are together for this celebration. “In their preparation for marriage, the couple should be encouraged to make the liturgical celebration a profound personal experience and to appreciate the meaning of each of its signs” (AL, no. 213). Don’t rush through your choices, and discuss with each other what each reading means to you.

4. Choose lectors well, and give them some practice.

Generally an engaged couple can choose people to read the first reading, responsorial Psalm, and second reading, and to offer the Prayers of the Faithful. Because these moments of hearing Scripture and praying together are an important part of a faith-filled Catholic wedding, choose lectors who have read in church before, or who are comfortable speaking in public. Give them a copy of the reading and/or prayers well in advance and ask them to attend the wedding rehearsal so they can practice in the church. Make sure they understand the solemnity of the occasion.

5. Let the music at your wedding lift hearts to God.

Music during a Catholic wedding can add beauty and dignity to the ceremony, and also plays an important liturgical role. Parishes may have policies about what music can be used, so check with your pastor. The parish organist or music minister can help you choose songs and possibly provide musical talent, or connect you with a cantor and/or musicians. There are many beautiful songs that reflect God’s love, both instrumental classical pieces and songs that can be sung together by the entire congregation. Secular or pop music is best saved for the reception.

6. Show care to the needy.

Part of your vocation of marriage is helping those around you, including the poor. There are creative ways to do this on your very first day as husband and wife. You could include an intention in the Prayers of the Faithful for those who are struggling or in need. You could also omit wedding favors in order to give a donation to a local charity (you could announce this at your reception with a nice table display). Some couples invite their guests to bring a donation to a food bank, and set up a basket at the reception to collect them. The jewelry you buy and the gifts you register for can express care for the poor as well, as is explained here.

7. Remember what it is you are doing.

During the wedding, when there are quiet moments, take a deep breath and recollect that you are in God’s presence. When it is time for the exchange of consent, remember that this is the moment – the heart of the wedding. Pope Francis says, “In the case of two baptized persons, the commitment expressed by the words of consent and the bodily union that consummates the marriage can only be seen as signs of the covenantal love and union between the incarnate Son of God and his Church” (AL, no. 213). After you have exchanged your consent, you are married, and are a sign of God’s love for everyone else in the church!

8. Be attentive to all the signs at the wedding.

The wedding ceremony is full of signs and symbols: the processional, readings, rings, and so forth – all of these speak of the beauty of marriage and its permanence. The most eloquent symbol, in fact, is your union in love. Pope Francis says, “In the baptized, words and signs become an eloquent language of faith” (AL, no. 213). The liturgy that celebrates the marriage of two Christians speaks of a God of love who draws human beings into this love in a profound way. Try to listen and to see with the eyes of faith.

9. Pray, pray, and pray some more.

Now is the perfect time to start praying daily with your future spouse; wedding-planning stress gives ample opportunity to share your concerns with the Lord! A great way to incorporate prayer into wedding planning is by reading through the Scripture readings and prayer options for your wedding ceremony slowly, letting the words sink into your hearts. Another great idea is to host a Eucharistic Holy Hour the evening before your wedding for your bridal party and family; one newlywed couple explains how that worked for them. And remember to say a quick prayer – together or separately – on your wedding morning!

10. Above all, remember…the wedding is only the beginning!

Pope Francis encourages everyone in the Church to help couples live out married life. “They [young people] need to be encouraged to see the sacrament not as a single moment that then becomes a part of the past and its memories, but rather as a reality that permanently influences the whole of married life” (AL, no. 215). The Sunday after the wedding (and every Sunday!), be sure to come back to church and meet your community again, this time as husband and wife. And remember that the vows you say at your wedding day are all in the future tense (“I will”); they “involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part’” (AL, no. 214).