Tag Archives: Virtual Retreat

“School” Retreat Day Five: Marriage Reflects God’s Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is Himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1604). With these words, the Church reminds us that married couples are called to be living signs of God’s love to the world. Moreover, they represent the union of Christ and His Church: “The marriage of those who have been baptized is, in addition, invested with the dignity of a sacramental sign of grace, for it represents the union of Christ and His Church” (Humanae Vitae, no. 8; see Amoris Laetitia, no. 11).

These may seem like impossible expectations. How can married couples be living signs of God’s love and Christ’s love for the Church? It is actually easier than expected. God gives us examples of His love in the Old Testament using the analogy of a man’s love for a woman (see Is. 54:4-8, 10). Israel is His bride with whom He makes a covenant: “On the part of God, the Covenant is a lasting ‘commitment’; he remains faithful to his spousal love even if the bride often shows herself to be unfaithful” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 23). In a similar way, Christ nourishes, protects and loves His bride, the Church, composed of us men and women, with a tender love despite her shortcomings. Furthermore, “marriage and the family have been redeemed by Christ and restored in the image of the Holy Trinity, the mystery from which all true love flows” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 63). God does not expect us to love any differently than how He loves: with faithfulness and forgiveness.

Reflection
We all grow up with role models and people to whom we look up as examples of how we want to be. When we think of other married couples whom we admire, what is it about them that attracts us? What is it that we like about the way they carry themselves and interact with each other? What are some of their qualities that we would like to imitate? Do they somehow reflect the love of God? Married couples can be terrific role models, friends, and mentors. Why not reach out to couples who seem to have a ‘special-something’ and ask them their ‘secret’?

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How do you and your spouse reflect the love of God to others around you and to one another?
(2) Is there a couple at church or in your community that you look up to?
(3) As a married couple, how can you better practice faithfulness and forgiveness?

Holy Couples – Saints Zachary and Elizabeth

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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Made for a Reason Retreat Day One – Marriage: Made by God

Day One – Marriage: Made by God

Breaking Open the Theme
Despite many variations throughout cultures, societies, and religions, marriage has always been regarded as a sacred bond that expresses a deep, committed form of mutual love. Marriage is not, however, purely a human institution: “the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws … God himself is the author of marriage” (GS, 48).

How is God the author of marriage?

First, “God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them ” (Gen. 1:27). Since man and woman are created in the image of God, who is Love, man and woman carry an innate calling to love. Marriage responds to a fundamental desire and need to give and receive love.

Second, as male and female, God created man and woman with a physical complementarity that is uniquely able to collaborate in His work of creation. The very nature of man and woman is prepared for the possibility of marriage and the welcoming of new life.

Third, Holy Scripture affirms that it is good for a man and woman to belong to one another and form a bond of communion: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18) …. ” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body (Gen. 2:24). In the New Testament, Jesus invokes God’s original plan for mankind as an unbreakable union of two lives by recalling the plan of the Creator in the beginning: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mt. 19:6).

In the divine plan, marriage is the exclusive, indissoluble communion of life and love entered by one man and one woman. Between two baptized Christians, this covenant is a sacrament.

Reflection
As Catholics, an understanding of God’s plan for marriage and family is an essential part of living the call to holiness. Catholic spouses are blessed with the certainty that the sacrament of marriage provides the graces necessary to become sanctified as husband and wife, father and mother. This grace endows the marriage covenant with strength and fortifies it in moments of difficulty. It also carries over into the domestic church, the home, where the family grows and becomes a witness to God’s love for others.

God’s plan for marriage is not restricted to Catholics, however. As explained above, it is rooted in the nature and identity of man and woman created in God’s image. The dignity of marriage with its specific purpose and characteristics is a good to uphold and defend to the benefit of all people.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. What makes marriage distinctive compared to other relationships? Why are love and commitment in marriage unique? What does it mean to say that God created marriage in the very same moment that he created the human person?
  2. As a couple, how are we complementary in our needs, desires, and attributes? How does God endow us with different gifts, as man and woman, that contribute to the marriage?
  3. How can we, as a couple, bear witness to the beauty and wisdom of God’s design for marriage?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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Made for a Reason Retreat Day Two – Marriage: Made for Love

Day Two – Marriage: Made for Love

Breaking Open the Theme
Marriage between one man and one woman responds to the deepest longing of the human heart for love and belonging. We yearn to be loved and to receive love. The same can be said of family life: in a family, children are received to be loved and to love in return.

Despite human shortcomings, the married couple and the family are reflections of God who is three divine persons in a communion of love. In marriage, the man and the woman become “one body” (Gen 2: 24), a communion of love that generates new life. In a similar way, the human family becomes a communion of love by the exchange of giving and receiving love between its members.

Marriage and family life are schools of love. They teach us how to reach a communion of love within the context of daily life: full of joys, sacrifices, trials, and hopes. In all of this, love is purified and perfected, made authentic and complete. As Christ’s sacrifice on the cross exemplified, love is laying down one’s life for another. Spouses and family members are called to do the same, each and every day.

Reflection
Despite our best efforts to love faithfully and unconditionally, marriage and family life can be difficult and challenge our ability to love continually. The marital love that is blessed by the sacrament of marriage is fortified and sustained, however, by a unique grace intended to “perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity” (CCC, 1641). By virtue of this grace, the couple helps one another to attain holiness.

The source of this grace is Christ. “Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony” (GS, 48). Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love” (CCC, 1642).

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. What makes the love of man and woman unique, especially within the marital relationship? What makes the love of family members a communion of persons?
  2. How are our marriage and family schools of love? As a couple and family, do we demonstrate a communion of love that is self-giving, pure, and sacrificial?
  3. As a couple, how do we rely on the grace of the sacrament of marriage to assist us in moments of challenge and difficulty?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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“School” Retreat Day Four: Marriage is a School of Love

Breaking Open the Theme
“It is a love which is total—that very special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything, allowing no unreasonable exceptions and not thinking solely of their own convenience. Whoever really loves his partner loves not only for what he receives, but loves that partner for the partner’s own sake, content to be able to enrich the other with the gift of himself” (Humanae Vitae, no. 9). To love another for his or her own sake requires selfless seeking of the other’s authentic good. This selfless form of friendship takes on new qualities and responsibilities in marriage when our own happiness also depends on it.

Marriage is a school of love because it demands the gift of love each and every day. The source of our love for one another lies beyond ourselves, it is rooted in the love of God: “The order of love belongs to the intimate life of God himself, the life of the Trinity […] Love, which is of God, communicates itself to creatures: ‘God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us’ (Rom 5:5)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 29). When drawing from the love of God, we can transform our marriages into true friendships of authentic self-giving.  Moreover, marriage is “an ‘affective union’, spiritual and sacrificial, which combines the warmth of friendship and erotic passion, and endures long after emotions and passion subside” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 120).

Reflection
Friendship can take many forms, between men and women, gals and pals, and brothers and sisters. The friendship that exists in marriage, however, is an unrepeatable form of friendship that combines both philos (friendship) and eros (attraction), allowing it to take on new dimensions of intimacy and involvement. It can sometimes be difficult to draw the line between what we share with our best friends and what we share with our spouse exclusively. It is important to define ‘friend boundaries’ as couples and recognize that however close we may be with others, there is always something unique to the friendship we cherish with our spouse.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) How do you and your spouse nurture your unique friendship?
(2) Are there any friends who get in the way of your own bonding time?
(3) How can friends of one or the other spouse become friends to both spouses and enrich rather than detract from your marriage?

Holy Couples – Saints Isidore the Farmer and Maria de la Cabeza

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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“School” Retreat Day Three: Marriage Welcomes Life

Breaking Open the Theme
The Church teaches that there are two ends or purposes of marriage: the unitive – the intimate union of man and woman – and the procreative – the fruit of their union. Married love is life-giving, fruitful. “And if each of these essential qualities, the unitive and the procreative, is preserved, the use of marriage fully retains its sense of true mutual love and its ordination to the supreme responsibility of parenthood to which man is called” (Humanae Vitae, no. 12).

A child is the incomparable gift of marriage between a man and woman. Procreation is a wonderful and awe-inspiring participation in God’s creation. From the beginning of creation, God intended that man and woman partake in this transmission of life “to which marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordered: ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it’ (Gen. 1:28)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 6). The gift of human life is meant to arise from a mutual cooperation between God’s love and the love of the couple. Moreover, it is the fruit of the mutual self-giving of the spouses in marriage (see Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 18). This beautiful interplay of cooperation and mutual self-giving are vivid examples of how God continues to create life through those who welcome it.

Reflection
Every married couple forms a community of life around them, but not every couple will experience this through the gift of their own child. This can be a source of great pain and discouragement. Infertility is on the rise in the United States and many couples who dreamed of large families are faced with the unexpected inability to bear children. However, God still wants the couple to partake in His creative love. He desires that every marriage be fruitful. The fruitfulness of Christian marriages “expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 184).

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

(1) If you are a parent, how has your child (or children) been a blessing to you? How have you changed for the better since becoming a parent?
(2) If you do not have children, how do you demonstrate the mutual gift of self in other ways that serve as an example to your community? What other life-bearing fruit has God born through you?
(3) Do you know a couple experiencing infertility or miscarriage? How have you accompanied them in their pain?

Holy Couples – Saints Joachim and Anne

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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“School” Retreat Day Two: Marriage Lasts for Life

Breaking Open the Theme
“The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1614). Marriage is a sacred covenant, a bond “established by God himself” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1640) that is permanent. From the beginning of time, God intended it to be this way, such that “when ‘a man shall leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife, so that the two become one flesh’, there remains in force the law which comes from God himself: ‘What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder’ (Mt. 19:6)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 12).

Following from the permanency of marriage is its faithfulness and exclusivity: “Married love is also faithful and exclusive of all other, and this until death. […] Though this fidelity of husband and wife sometimes presents difficulties, no one has the right to assert that it is impossible; it is, on the contrary, always honorable and meritorious. The example of countless married couples proves not only that fidelity is in accord with the nature of marriage, but also that it is the source of profound and enduring happiness” (Humanae Vitae, no. 9). “The lasting union expressed by the marriage vows is more than a formality or a traditional formula; it is rooted in the natural inclinations of the human person” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 123). Moreover, the sacramental grace received in marriage between the baptized is available to the husband and wife to assist and strengthen them at every moment—times of joy and times of pain, sadness, and need.

Reflection
Every couple will experience at some point in their marriage times of pain and dissatisfaction. It is to be expected that imperfect people lead to imperfect couples. Perfection and impeccability are not what make for good marriages. A good marriage is one in which husband and wife continue to try and try again. They don’t give up on themselves or on one another (or on God!). Marriage is a lasting commitment to be tenacious in this ongoing relationship to one another. The ability to forgive and start again is the most eloquent expression of faithful love.

In a “throw-away” culture of hook-ups, co-habitation, and pre-nuptial agreements, the commitment to anyone “until death do us part” can be perceived as irresponsible at best or terrifying at worst. Many people desire lasting commitment but at the same time fear it or fear rejection and failure. The Christian way of life challenges us to embrace the grace of God, which makes all things possible and satisfies the innermost desire of men and women for love that lasts.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. Name one or two examples of tension or difficulty in your marriage. How have you worked through these times or plan to?
  2. In what ways, if any, is your fidelity to one another challenged? How can these challenges be met?
  3. How does forgiveness play a part in your marriage? Are there areas that still need to be forgiven?

Holy Couples – Saints Gregory and Nonna

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Virtual Retreat Homepage

“School” Retreat Day One: Marriage is a School of Life

Breaking Open the Theme
For those called to the vocation of marriage, it is a school of life. Marriage teaches us about ourselves and others, how to make and maintain good relationships, how to develop character and virtue, and how to love those whom God gives us as family. The unique relationship between husband and wife is a privileged place for this journey of life where a couple learns how to become the man and woman they are called to be together in a union of life-giving love. Sanctified and fortified by the matrimonial covenant, husband and wife assist one another in “a partnership of the whole of life” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no.1601). Marriage shows in a special way how men and women are made for each other.

In His divine design, God has established marriage as an “intimate community of life and love” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no.1603; see Amoris Laetitia, no. 67). As a community of persons, it reflects the shared life and love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Moreover, the indissoluble union of husband and wife in Christian marriage “is a sign of how much Christ loved his Church in the covenant sealed on the cross” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 73).

Reflection
In our technological age, it can be difficult to put aside the cell phone and laptop to spend some quality time living side by side with those who are most precious to us. Marriages can become strained by the constant ringing and dinging of our devices, which increasingly demand our attention, and life can quickly pass us by without our noticing or being present to those around us.

Marriage demands a far greater commitment of life than an occasional glance in the direction of our loved one. In order for a marital relationship to grow and deepen, it needs to be watered and nurtured, cared for and tended to like any delicate form of life. It requires our undivided attention and devotion. All married couples to some extent experience a certain learning curve in marriage. It takes time and repetition to learn the lessons that make marriage a school of life.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. What are a few lessons that you have learned at the school of marriage?
  2. How could you improve your ability to learn from one another as a couple?
  3. In what way can you and your spouse improve your “partnership of the whole of life”?

Holy Couples – Saints Louis and Zelie Martin

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect
the union of Christ with His Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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“Marriage And Mercy” Retreat Day Seven: Forgiveness In The Family

Quote for reflection:
“One cannot live without seeking forgiveness, or at least, one cannot live at peace, especially in the family. We wrong one another every day. We must take into account these mistakes, due to our frailty and our selfishness. However, what we are asked to do is to promptly heal the wounds that we cause, to immediately reweave the bonds that break within the family.” – Pope Francis, Wednesday Audience (11.4.15)

Breaking open the theme:
Do Pope Francis’ words ring true to you? “We wrong one another every day.” We are frail and selfish. Unfortunately, sin affects all of us and all of our relationships. The communion of persons in marriage and the family is a sign of God’s love, so division and strife strike at its very meaning and mission. However, the realization that we fail our family members, perhaps even daily, is not a cause for despair. It is an invitation to receive God’s mercy and to offer that mercy to our loved ones – “immediately,” says Pope Francis!

Real-life example:
After a long day of work, both Samuel and Angela felt tired and out of sorts. When they realized that neither of them had thought to make babysitting arrangements for the following travel weekend, the incriminations started. Ten minutes later, they both felt even worse and now misunderstood and blamed. “Is this what marriage is supposed to be like?” thought Angela to herself. Samuel was about to storm out of the room with an angry word when he stopped and checked himself. He had been trying to get into the habit of offering forgiveness quickly, before a situation escalated. “I’m sorry, honey,” he said. “Look – let’s get some dinner and wind down, and then figure something out.” The words were welcome and healing to Angela, and she too was grateful for an about-face that prevented the couple from another dead-end argument.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Ask the Lord’s healing for situations in your marriage and family that aren’t peaceful.
  2. Reflect: What areas of selfishness do you struggle with the most? How do they affect your spouse?
  3. Do: Don’t hesitate to speak healing words into a tense situation as soon as possible: “I love you,” “I forgive you,” “I’m sorry.” These can defuse tension and re-focus the conversation.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Marriage And Mercy” Retreat Day Six: Jesus Shows Us The Face Of Mercy

Quotes for reflection:
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” (Matt 5:7)

The Paschal Mystery – Jesus’ death and Resurrection – “bears within itself the most complete revelation of mercy, that is, of that love which is more powerful than death, more powerful than sin and every evil, the love which lifts man up when he falls into the abyss.” – St. John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, no. 15

Breaking open the theme:
To know what mercy really is, we must look at Jesus. Mercy is more than simple kindness or forgiveness or being nice to people, although it can certainly be shown in those actions. The most perfect image of mercy, though, is Jesus’ willing sacrifice on the Cross and his triumph over death itself. Because Jesus defeated sin, we can be forgiven our own sins, no matter what. We can take confidence in Jesus’ promise that good will ultimately triumph over evil. That is the message of mercy!

Real-life example:
For over twenty years, Michael had felt a gnawing guilt over his habit of watching pornography. He loved his wife, Janet, and furtively hid his pornography use from her. But one day – he knew it had to happen eventually – she found out. Janet felt deeply betrayed, and Michael felt almost unbearable shame. They both wondered whether their marriage would survive. Janet insisted that Michael seek out help, so he called their parish priest. In their first meeting, Michael let everything off his chest for the first time, all the years of hiding and guilt and sin. The priest responded with kindness and offered the Sacrament of Penance. Michael felt overcome with unworthiness but also for the first time felt hope that he could change. God’s mercy had never felt so real.

Put it into practice:

  1. Pray: Together with your spouse, pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for your marriage and family.
  2. Reflect: What difference does it make to you to know that God’s mercy can forgive any sin and that his goodness triumphs over all evil? What would it be like if this weren’t true?
  3. Do: If you or your spouse is struggling with a major sin like pornography use, infidelity or something else damaging to your marriage, get help right away from a priest or trusted friend.

Prayer for married couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Love and Life” Retreat Day Seven: Marriage is a School of Love and Gratitude

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
As Adam recognized Eve as God’s gift to him, likewise spouses should recognize each other as God’s gift in their lives. Marriage is “a school for nurturing gratitude for the gifts of God and for openness to the gifts of God that are proper to marriage,” such as sexual intimacy and children (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 50). Through life’s journey, sometime a husband or wife may need to reflect on the gift of the other, especially when misunderstandings or difficulties arise. To remember how this person came to offer love so unexpectedly or how one recognized the other as “made for you” is to be humbled by the divine gift you have received.

In those moments of remembering, thankfulness should fill one’s heart. Spousal gratitude is linked to conjugal charity. It will help husband and wife to persevere in fidelity, kindness, communication, and mutual assistance. “In the joys of their love and family life, he [Jesus] gives them [spouses] here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb,” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 73).

Reflection
Watching her husband reading to their young children one evening, her heart swelled in gratitude for the tender and loving man that God had made for her. Catching her look of love, he paused and looked deeply into her eyes, returning her smile. He savored the moment of peace and the warmth of his family surrounding him, thinking that he certainly had so much to be grateful for. Later, after the children were tucked in bed, she embraced him and told him how grateful she was to have him. He wondered aloud, “God has given us so much, I’ve been feeling lately like we certainly have a lot to offer another child…”

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

  1. List five ways that you show gratitude toward your spouse. Which two ways does he/she like best? Resolve to do those two more often.
  2. What good thing did your spouse do recently that you could have thanked him or her for, but didn’t? Make a note to remember next time.

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Virtual Retreats Homepage