Tag Archives: Prayer and Spirituality

On Relics and Romance

When my wife and I got married, we had the privilege of making a pilgrimage to Rome as our honeymoon trip. While in Rome, we saw a number of churches, but one in particular stood out to me: Chiesa del Gesu (The Church of Jesus; pictured right). In this beautiful old baroque church there is a unique relic: the forearm of St. Francis Xavier, the great Jesuit missionary. While visiting an altar with a body part on display may not seem too romantic for a date, let alone a honeymoon, it actually became one of the most romantic places of our honeymoon! Why? Because I realized before that altar that relics are an important cipher for understanding the vocation I embarked upon in marriage.

I admit that at the time of my visit I was “weirded out” by the presence of St. Francis Xavier’s forearm, and I was certainly not thinking at first about romance. But then as usual, God challenged my limited thoughts. As I prayed before the altar in Chiesa Gesu, I thought: “Why does the Church have altars with the body parts of the Saints? Is this some pagan ritual? Does this distract us or help us in loving Christ, to whom alone our worship is directed?” As I thought about it, I realized that this practice of venerating relics of a saint’s body is uniquely Christian, and that it does honor Christ. The key to understanding this ancient practice is to recognize that the Church honors the body – and by extension the body parts of the saints and certain items they touched – because of the Church’s belief in the Resurrection of the Body made possible by Jesus Christ’s own Resurrection. We honor the body parts of the Saints because one day their entire body will be glorified in the Resurrection of the Body. Their bodies are holy because they will give praise to God in Heaven. Thus, as I knelt before that altar in Rome, I came to understand that this practice of venerating bodily relics of the Saints is a witness to our belief in the Resurrection of Body, and that it chiefly points to Christ’s Resurrection, not away from Him.

Given this rootedness in the Resurrection, the altar enshrining St. Francis Xavier’s forearm reminded me of the purpose of my spouse’s human body – to be an everlasting temple of God. It is this recognition that helps guide marital romance: our bodies are temples of God by virtue of our baptism, and we are called to praise God in our bodies through virtue and the Sacraments (see Rom 12:1). Marital romance is called to be “romance within the Resurrection.” It is a romance that goes beyond simply asking whether or not a particular action violates a commandment given by God, like adultery or lust. It also asks every day whether or not this physical or verbal action treats my spouse’s body with the respect due to a “temple of God,” which it is in this life and the next. Therefore, far from drawing me away from Christ or the love of my spouse, the relic of St. Francis Xavier instead brought us closer by provoking the following questions: “Do I approach my spouse within the vision of God’s plan for our bodies, or do I disregard that plan because of laziness, selfishness, or ignorance? And am I treating my spouse with prayerful reverence as I would a bodily relic of a Saint?” Thus, while others were enjoying the beach on their honeymoon – which for the record we did later too – we were also blessed with romance in the most unlikely of all places, in front of a saint’s body part.

Want to strengthen your marital romance and vocation with your spouse? Then try praying before a relic of a saint! (Oftentimes a shrine to a particular saint will have a relic from that saint.) Before the relic, ask God to illumine both of your minds about the true nature of your bodies and how to treat your spouse’s body according to this divine destiny. Then keep learning about God’s divine plan for your marriage and recall this holy relic on many occasions to foster this awareness of our bodies’ destiny. Remember that we will always be learning about God’s plan for our marriage until the day we die, but let us with joy seek out this romance within the Resurrection, a romance that can even be found – nay especially found – before St. Francis Xavier’s forearm.

About the author
Daniel Meola is a PhD candidate at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family in Washington, DC. He and his wife Bethany were married in May 2011.

Eucharistic Adoration

Does your parish have Eucharistic adoration? It’s the practice of devout prayer before the body of Christ in the Eucharist, displayed outside of Mass. Once very widespread, it became less popular after the Second Vatican Council, which placed a greater emphasis on the active participation of the faithful in the liturgy itself. Although some liturgical theologians find Eucharistic adoration at odds with the purpose and practice of the Eucharist at Mass–that is to say, Communion–in recent years Eucharistic adoration has become more popular, particularly among younger Catholics.

The origins of Eucharistic adoration are not well-known. One of the first references to reserving the Blessed Sacrament for adoration is in the life of St. Basil the Great in the late fourth century. St. Basil supposedly divided the consecrated Eucharistic bread into three parts during the liturgy at his monastery. One part he consumed himself; the second was given to the monks; and the third portion was placed in a Golden Dove suspended above the altar. It seems likely that this reserved portion was kept for those who were unable to attend the liturgy because of illness or travel.

The practice of Eucharistic adoration among laypeople is thought to have begun in Avignon, France, on September 11, 1226. King Louis VII, having just won a victory over the Albigensians, asked that the Blessed Sacrament be placed on display at the Chapel of the Holy Cross. This exposition was so popular that the local bishop asked to have it continue indefinitely. Pope Honorius III gave his consent and the practice continued, nearly uninterrupted, until the French Revolution in 1792.

The longest-running Eucharistic adoration in the United States is with the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration in La Crosse, Wisconsin, who have been praying nonstop for more than 130 years.

How to Make Moral Decisions

The Situation

Jeanne and Joe are engaged and will be married next year. They both have been working for several years, and are dedicated to their jobs. They are interested in both building their careers and their family life. They have agreed that their work outside the home should be valued equally, even after they have children.

Recently, Jeanne received exciting news. She was offered a major promotion, a job that would give her more visibility in her company and give them extra money to help pay for wedding expenses, furniture, and other necessities for their new apartment. The job offer sounds promising; Jeanne loves a challenge and considers herself up to the task of taking on significant new responsibilities. The new position, however, involves some potential drawbacks:

There would be considerable overtime associated with it. Her predecessor told her that he used to work at least 55 hours per week. Because this job is salaried rather than hourly, he did not receive overtime pay. In reality, the large increase in pay is reduced by the fact that she won’t get extra money for overtime.

The position involves one to two full weeks of travel per month.

How do Jeanne and Joe make a good decision about whether or not Jeanne should accept the position?

A Response

Sharing values and trying to discern God’s will when making moral decisions are critical elements in any Christian marriage. Over the course of a lifetime, couples make moral decisions on major life choices such as Jeanne and Joe face plus other more daily decisions about life style, use of time, talent, and money, and relationships with family and friends. Making a moral decision about an issue involves engaging in a process of prayerful reflection, conversation, and evaluation before reaching a conclusion.

People of faith should consider the following steps:

  1. Begin by opening your heart and mind to God in prayer. Ask for the grace to follow God’s will.
  2. Gather information to make a well-informed decision. Take advantage of articles, websites, and other resources. What does Church teaching say?
  3. Consult trusted advisors to gain clarity about the issue. Family members and friends can be sounding boards, but remember that in challenging situations, it might be difficult for them to maintain objectivity Parish staff or counselors might be able to assist if a situation is particularly difficult.
  4. If a decision involves both partners, make the decision together. It is crucial to come to consensus about decisions affecting both of you.
  5. Be open to reevaluate the decision after a time.

Keeping these steps in mind, how should Jeanne and Joe proceed?

They should celebrate Jeanne’s accomplishments. She has been recognized for her talent and dedication to her job. Whether or not she takes the promotion, both Jeanne and Joe should enjoy her recognition.

As people of faith, Jeanne and Joe should take time to pray for help in making this important decision. They might ask God to help them appreciate the positive and negative elements of this opportunity.

Jeanne and Joe must decide whether or not the new job will be good for Jeanne as a person and both of them as a couple. One way to do that is to write down the pros and cons of the situation. Ask the following questions: What impact will the changing responsibilities have on their relationship? For example, will considerable overtime have a negative impact on their time together? Is this impact worth the sacrifice? How much more money will she actually make when she moves from an hourly position to a salaried position? How do they feel about so much business travel? What is the impact when a couple is trying to establish their marriage and maintain a difficult travel schedule?

If Jeanne and Joe can’t come to agreement about the decision, they should consider getting help. If they are not already connected with their local parish, they will find helpful people there.

Having prayed and carefully weighed the pros and cons, they need to make the best decision they can. Both Jeanne and Joe must be willing to accept the decision, and must agree not to blame or point fingers if it doesn’t work out exactly as they thought it would.

Finally, Jeanne and Joe should agree to reevaluate the decision at a future date. In light of their experience, they should ask: Was this a good decision? Should they rethink it and begin the decision making process again? Agreeing to a reevaluation time helps keep the lines of communication open, and helps couples to understand that they do not have to be locked into a decision forever.

Remember, in many decisions, there is no crystal clear correct choice. Making a moral decision involves weighing options and arriving at the best solution possible at the time. However, when a couple agrees on basic life and faith values, and is willing to engage in a process of moral decision making, they can be confident about their choice, whatever it is.

Read more Marriage Rx articles.

Contemplative Prayer

In the Catholic tradition we have many kinds of prayer. We have liturgical prayer, which follows a set ritual and is prayed communally. Personal or private prayer has often been divided into prayers of praise, thanksgiving, contrition, and supplication. These prayers acknowledge God’s greatness, express our thanks for all God has done for us, express our sorrow for our sins, and ask God for what we need.

But throughout our history Catholics have also engaged in contemplative prayer. This sort of prayer or meditation is much less about saying things to God, and is more about listening to what God is saying to us. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in its section on contemplative prayer, quotes St. Teresa who wrote, “Contemplative prayer in my opinion, is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with him whom we know loves us.” In its thirteen paragraphs on contemplative prayer, the Catechism eloquently describes aspects of this kind of prayer, calling it a gift, a gaze of faith fixed on Jesus, hearing God’s word, and an experience of silence (CCC 2709 – 2724).

What the Catechism doesn’t describe is how to do it. For that information, I’d recommend the writings of those who have excelled at this kind of prayer, specifically saints like John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, Therese of Lisieux, and Julian of Norwich. Contemporary expressions of contemplative prayer include methods like Scripture Prayer, centering prayer, and Eucharistic adoration.

Prayer is the essential communication of the Christian life, and contemplative prayer challenges us to make sure that we’re not just speaking to God, but actively listening to God’s speaking to us.

How to Pray With Your Spouse: Four Simple Steps

Ever wonder how to pray more intimately with your husband? Wish you were spiritually closer to your wife? Couples can learn a great deal from the Mass about how to pray together as husband and wife and how to deepen their intimacy at the same time. This is because the Mass is the perfect prayer between Christ and His bride, the Church. Spouses who want to learn how to pray together can begin by following the same basic structure of the Mass. So let’s first look at how the People of God—the Church—pray during Mass and then we will explore four simple steps for praying with your spouse.

Structure of the Mass

The Mass consists of four parts, which include the Introductory Rite, the Liturgy of the Word, the Liturgy of the Eucharist, and the Concluding Rite. In the Introductory Rite the Church comes together, makes the Sign of the Cross, and asks God for forgiveness, which prepares our hearts for deeper union with God. Next is the Liturgy of the Word, which is when we actively listen to the readings from scripture. This time can be likened to a conversation between Christ and the Church. Christ speaks to us in the readings, and we sing psalms to God from our hearts. Then, in the Liturgy of the Eucharist, Christ and the Church exchange their love with each other. Through the changing of bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, Jesus is made substantially present to us. He then gives Himself to us in the Eucharist. At the same time, we receive Him and give ourselves back to Him, deepening an intimate union. Finally, the Concluding Rite reminds us to go in peace, glorifying the Lord with our lives.

Four simple steps

Praying with one’s spouse by following the structure of the Mass can be simple and enriching. Here is a four-step process.

Step One: Reconcile and Rejoice

First, set time aside weekly for just the two of you. Come together in a comfortable place or hold hands on a walk. Make the Sign of the Cross and take a moment to focus on being present to each other and to God, as is done at the start of the Mass. As you begin, take time to reconcile. Talk about how you might have hurt each other during the week. Then apologize and offer forgiveness. This will allow you to approach God with open hearts and to be united as you pray. Once you have reconciled, rejoice by offering a short prayer of thanksgiving to God.

Step Two: Discover God Together

Step Two is modeled on the Liturgy of the Word. After reconciling and rejoicing, spend time discovering God together. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, you could read the Bible and talk about the passage. If you don’t know where to begin in the Bible then a good option is to read the Gospel passage that will be proclaimed at the next Sunday Mass. You can find Sunday readings at the USCCB’s Daily Readings.

An additional option is to read the Psalms, which have been called the “book of prayer.” The Psalms express sorrow and joy, fear and hope, longing for God, and praise. By scanning the titles of each Psalm you and your spouse will easily find one that you can relate to. Pray it slowly aloud and then discuss how it stirs your emotions or what it leads you to think about.

Another way to approach God together can simply involve talking about what is on your hearts and minds. What are you thankful for this week? What challenges are creeping up in your life? What do you need from each other and from God? Answer these questions honestly and then offer prayers of petition to God. Remember to give thanks as you see God faithfully answering your prayers.

Step Three: Share Your Love

Step Three relates to the Liturgy of the Eucharist. After discovering God together, you can deepen your prayer and intimacy by sharing your love with each other. Sharing your love in the context of prayer may include a kiss, resting in each other’s arms, caring for an ill spouse, giving words of affirmation, or any other meaningful way you communicate your love. Again, have a thankful heart as your intimacy is deepened in the presence of God.

Step Four: Serve Each Other

As your time together draws to a close, remember to go in peace and to serve the Lord in each other. Prayer and intimacy never ends! Let your service and intimacy live on throughout every day, as you go about cooking, cleaning, listening, working, and so on. The fruit that will come from your prayer routine will bless your marriage, deepen your love for God and each other, and allow you to reflect the love relationship between Christ and his beloved spouse, the Church.

About the Author
Dr. Chris Stravitsch is Founder of Rejoice Counseling Apostolate and Cofounder of the St. John Paul II Foundation. He earned a Doctor of Ministry from The Catholic University of America, where he focused his research on the spiritual formation of couples and families.

Spiritual Direction

One of the great resources of our Catholic tradition, and one that’s in increasing demand today, is the discipline of Spiritual Direction. In order to define what it is, I think it’s important to start with what Spiritual Direction is not. It’s not therapy, nor is it Pastoral Counseling. It’s not sacramental confession and reconciliation, either, although in some cases there is some cross-over between the two.

Spiritual Direction is a process through which one shares one’s spiritual journey with an experienced– and presumably wise– person who has the training and aptitude for careful listening and reflection. It is a conversation in which we endeavor to discern to movement of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and to discern how to respond with integrity to the Spirit’s prompting. Ongoing spiritual direction is virtually a requirement for those in formation for priesthood and religious life, but it is also helpful for anyone facing an important life transition, or struggling with a question of spiritual discernment.

A spiritual director meets regularly with a directee, perhaps once a month. Like other personal relationships, it’s important to find a director whose approach and style are a good fit with your own.

Perhaps the greatest challenge in the field of spiritual direction today is finding a director. Many priests and religious sisters or brothers can provide spiritual direction, but their numbers are far exceeded by the demands for their services. Fortunately, there are formation programs developing around the country to train lay people in the art and practice of spiritual direction. If you think you might benefit from spiritual direction, a good place to start is your local Catholic parish, who may be able to put you in touch with spiritual directors in your area.

A good spiritual director is like having a trusted friend who can hold up a mirror to your life and help you see yourself– and your relationship with God– more clearly.

What is a Patron Saint?

Anyone who grew up watching television star Danny Thomas in the 1950s and 1960s is familiar with St. Jude, the patron saint of hopeless causes and desperate situations. Anyone who has happened by Fifth Avenue in New York City on a March 17th has discovered, if they didn’t already know, that the patron saint of Ireland is St. Patrick.

St. Jude and St. Patrick are just two of hundreds of patron saints who serve as special protectors or advocates for churches; individuals; for countries, cities, and towns; for occupational groups; and for persons with special needs.

Most churches are named after saints, a tradition that arose when Christians began to build churches over the tombs of martyrs. For example, St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome rests on the site where St. Peter, the Apostle and first Pope, is thought to have been buried.

Countries have patron saints: the United States venerates the Immaculate Conception of Mary; Scotland, St. Andrew the Apostle. Some cities are even named after patron saints; for example, San Francisco was named after Saint Francis of Assisi in 1776, when the Spanish established a mission on the site.

When a child is baptized, he or she takes the name of a canonized saint, although children can also be named after some specific words with Christian associations. For example, the names Charity and Prudence, two Christian virtues, were at one time quite popular names. When a child is confirmed, the name of a canonized saint is chosen as the confirmation name.

One accusation leveled at Catholics is that they worship saints, a practice that should be reserved for God alone. This is a misunderstanding of Catholic teaching, which is that saints are venerated, but only God is adored. Is that a distinction without a difference? Not really.

Perhaps the distinction can best be explained by the reasons for which patron saints are chosen. One reason is that patron saints are chosen for their special ability not to act in the place of God, but rather to intercede with God on behalf of the petitioner. A heart patient, for example, might pray directly to God for relief from her condition. But she might also pray to St. John of God, the patron saint for people with heart conditions, to intercede with God on her behalf.

That this form of prayer is effective can be seen in the miraculous healings of individuals who have petitioned a particular saint to intercede for them. In fact, one cannot be canonized a saint without two miracles (direct interventions of God that cannot be explained by natural science) attributed to their intercession.

A second reason patron saints are chosen is not to worship them, but simply to honor them for the lives they led. In fact, it’s both a form of honor and a form of aspiration. Saints are canonized in recognition of their virtuous lives; specifically, making of their lives examples of the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, and the cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. By choosing special saints for baptismal names or professional patrons, we not only honor the lives they led but also use their good example to aspire to the kinds of lives we know we should lead ourselves.

Many patron saints gained their designation centuries ago; some are more recent. As occupations change, so does the need for new patron saints. Some may be chosen years from now among the ranks of those living today. Business executives have as yet no patron saint. Do you know someone in business whose life of heroic virtue would qualify them for such an honor? Now there’s an opening with a great future!

For reflection

Choose a patron saint (or saints) for your marriage with your spouse. Learn more about them, read their writings, and ask for their intercession when times are difficult.

Not sure where to start? Check out our list of married saints (below) or look up saints by patronage or date.

Sts. Louis & Zelie Martin
Bl. Ceferino Gimenez Malla
St. Elizabeth of Hungary
Bl. Frederic Ozanam
St. Jane France de Chantal
Bl. Franz Jagerstatter
St. Thomas More
St. Rita of Cascia
St. Gianna Molla
Bl. Peter To Rot
Bl. Giuseppe Tovini
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Parenting: What the Airlines Can Teach Us

I have been blessed with being a part-time stay-at-home dad since 1999 and a licensed therapist since 1996. I thank God for the gift of being a dad. Parenting is the most exhausting and exhilarating thing I have ever done. I have never been so caffeine-dependent in my life, but I am convinced that God is OK with that.

I do find that parenting for me and my wife is much easier when I learn the profound lesson of the airlines. (I am not talking about the way they price their tickets or overbook most flights.) Let me explain.

Before every flight the airline attendant comes into the cabin and tells the passengers something like this: “If cabin air pressure changes, masks will deploy from the ceiling. Grab the mask and make sure there are no twists in the tubing. Gently place the mask over your face. Oxygen will begin to flow immediately into the mask. Place the mask on yourself first and then help those around you who are unable to assist themselves. Have a nice flight and enjoy the pretzels.”

Here is the key: “Place the mask on yourself first and then help those who are unable to help themselves.” What are the reasons they teach this?

The airlines know that if adults are able to receive the oxygen they need first, then there is a chance that others can be saved. For example, we have a seven year old son who has Down’s syndrome. If in the middle of a flight a mask with a rubber band comes down from the ceiling he is going to have a great time with this new toy from the sky! He will be flinging it all over the cabin, playing with the rubber band part especially. His oxygen supply will become critically low.

That is the reason airlines tell us to put our masks on first. If I live there is a chance I can help others. If I don’t get the oxygen I need, then I will pass out, guaranteeing that those who can’t help themselves will also pass out. If parents could learn from this model I am convinced that our families would be helped tremendously. Here is how it would look.

Parents would not feel guilty when they devote positive time away from their children: time to pray, time to exercise, time with life-giving friends. Of course, this can’t happen all the time, but we as parents have to make sure some of our basic needs are being met. These met needs provide much-needed air in the midst of a near-suffocating amount of parental tasks.

When we meet our basic needs then we are better able to meet the demands of our children. How do we do this?

It depends. If you are married, talk with your spouse and plan ahead for times where you can pray, go for walks, talk with uplifting friends, visit with a spiritual director, or simply take a nap. If possible, plan a retreat every year. I try to go on two or three retreats a year, and so does my wife. I miss my family, but I come back refreshed and full of new oxygen to share.

Also, plan on syncing your calendars at least twice a month. During this time talk to each other about how your needs are being met. If you need more time away for life-giving activities plan them ASAP. Spirit-led time away will always help our families.

If you are a single parent perhaps start a baby-sitting group so one person can baby-sit once or twice a week, giving the other parents some free time. Or, talk to your church and see if there are some trusted Confirmation students who are good baby-sitters and need service hours. Time alone as a single parent is critical.

When I have shared this wisdom with hurting families and the parents start to create positive time to meet their needs, amazing things start to happen. Parents become more patient with their children. As they become gentler with themselves, they become gentler with their children. They begin to breathe the breath of new life.

May God bless you as you meet your needs so that the Holy Spirit will equip you to meet your children’s needs.

About the author
Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW, is a nationally-known workshop presenter on parenting and other topics

This article is adapted from the author’s parenting workbook: The Daily Dozen of Christian Parenting. To order the workbook or to arrange for a workshop in your parish call the Center for Family Counseling: (320) 253-3540 or visit www.healinginchrist.com

Stages of Growth in Marriage

Social scientists have observed that marriages typically move through a series of at least four stages. Each stage presents unique learning opportunities and blessings, along with challenges and obstacles. Progression through these stages is thought to be cyclic. This means couples can move through the stages several times in their lives, each time with an increasing understanding of what is involved for having been there before. Sometimes these stages can feel like a new marriage. Couples move through these stages at different rates. Failure to accomplish the tasks of one stage can inhibit movement and growth through later stages.

Stage One – Romance, Passion, Expansion and Promise

In the beginning of a relationship partners often communicate effortlessly and at length. They seem to intuit each other’s needs and wishes and go out of their way to please and surprise each other. Couples begin to develop a strong sense of “we.” Individual differences are minimized, if noticed at all; partners are very accepting. Joy, excitement, happiness and hope abound. Partners present and elicit their best selves. Life seems expansive and promising. It is a time of sharing dreams and romance. At this stage couples’ prayer is often filled with thanksgiving and praise. God feels very close and responsive. This is a time to be remembered and cherished.

Stage Two – Settling down and Realization

The high energy and intensity of Stage One inevitably give way to the ordinary and routine. Ideally, in Stage Two couples learn to deepen their communication skills. They work to understand and express their wants, needs, and feelings. They learn to be honest and vulnerable and to listen actively to each other. They become aware of differences not noticed previously and develop strategies for dealing with them. Couples learn about give and take, negotiation and accommodation. In prayer they seek clarity about what is going on within one’s own as well as one’s partner’s heart and mind. For some couples God may not seem as close while others experience Him more intensely.

Stage Three – Rebellion and Power Struggles

Spouses cannot always live up to each other’s expectations. They will disappoint and unintentionally hurt each other. They now become intensely aware of their differences and may use control strategies to bring back the desired balance. Power struggles are common. Blame, judgment, criticism and defensiveness are likely outcomes. Fear and anxiety enter the relationship. Couples’ thinking can narrow into either/or, right/wrong, good/bad polarities.

Ideally, couples learn about forgiveness and accommodation in this stage. They learn to deal constructively with anger and hurt. A supportive community becomes especially important.

This is also the time when individuality and independence rise to the surface. While the early relationship emphasized a strong sense of we, now couples need to find ways to honor autonomy and separateness. They learn how to be an individual in a committed relationship. Couples’ prayer is often about petition and spontaneous lament. God can seem distant and unresponsive and/or quite present.

Stage Four – Discovery, Reconciliation, and Beginning Again

Couples can push through the previous stage through deepened communication, honesty and trust. Ideally, they discover and create a new sense of connection. They learn more about each other’s strengths and vulnerabilities. They learn to identify and talk about their fears instead of acting them out. They refuse to judge or blame their partner; they translate their complaints into requests for change. They move from win/lose to win/win conflict strategies.

Partners see each other in a new light, as gifted and flawed, just as they themselves are gifted and flawed. Empathy and compassion increase. They learn to appreciate and respect each other in new ways; they learn not to take each other for granted. They find a new balance of separateness and togetherness, independence and intimacy. Their thinking becomes more expansive and inclusive. A new hope and energy return to the relationship. Prayer focuses on gratitude and thanksgiving, and couples often move to a more honest and mature relationship with God.

Additional Challenges and Stages

Many couples will encounter additional life cycle stages, each with their own blessings and challenges. Just like marriage, creating a family will elicit the best and the worst, the gifts and the limitations of the parents. It is another opportunity to learn about cooperation and becoming a team, about dealing with differences and conflicts, and about taking time to pause and choose. Parenting is a spiritual journey that involves not only the growth of the children but the growth of the parents. Like marriage, it will have many opportunities to surrender and die to self, to let go and to grieve.

Other life cycle challenges include illness, unemployment and other financial crises, retirement, and the death of one’s partner. Many couples must take care of the older generation while letting go of the younger one.

Conclusion

Growth throughout the marital journey requires openness and flexibility. For people of faith, it also means being alert to the mysterious working of the Holy Spirit. Contemporary culture wants answers and certainty; faith requires trust and surrender. The invitation to the marital journey, and the resources to undertake it, come from God. God gives us enough clarity to take the next few steps, even if we cannot see the entire road and where it will end.

About the author
Paul R. Giblin, Ph.D. is Associate Professor of Pastoral Counseling and Pastoral Studies at Loyola University in Chicago and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

Nuptial Mass Readings

The readings at a Catholic wedding liturgy are a proclamation of God’s Word and of the Church’s faith about marriage. For this reason, they are limited to readings from the scriptures (the Bible). There are nine options for the first reading from the Old Testament, thirteen options for the second reading from the New Testament and ten choices for the Gospel. You choose one from each of these categories.

You may find it helpful to reflect prayerfully on each reading and to choose those that speak to your hopes and dreams for your Christian marriage. The links below include the reading options in their entirety, as well as commentary to provide some context and highlight key themes in each reading.

Old Testament Readings

Responsorial Psalms

New Testament Readings

Gospel Readings