Tag Archives: Living the Domestic Church

On Relics and Romance

When my wife and I got married, we had the privilege of making a pilgrimage to Rome as our honeymoon trip. While in Rome, we saw a number of churches, but one in particular stood out to me: Chiesa del Gesu (The Church of Jesus; pictured right). In this beautiful old baroque church there is a unique relic: the forearm of St. Francis Xavier, the great Jesuit missionary. While visiting an altar with a body part on display may not seem too romantic for a date, let alone a honeymoon, it actually became one of the most romantic places of our honeymoon! Why? Because I realized before that altar that relics are an important cipher for understanding the vocation I embarked upon in marriage.

I admit that at the time of my visit I was “weirded out” by the presence of St. Francis Xavier’s forearm, and I was certainly not thinking at first about romance. But then as usual, God challenged my limited thoughts. As I prayed before the altar in Chiesa Gesu, I thought: “Why does the Church have altars with the body parts of the Saints? Is this some pagan ritual? Does this distract us or help us in loving Christ, to whom alone our worship is directed?” As I thought about it, I realized that this practice of venerating relics of a saint’s body is uniquely Christian, and that it does honor Christ. The key to understanding this ancient practice is to recognize that the Church honors the body – and by extension the body parts of the saints and certain items they touched – because of the Church’s belief in the Resurrection of the Body made possible by Jesus Christ’s own Resurrection. We honor the body parts of the Saints because one day their entire body will be glorified in the Resurrection of the Body. Their bodies are holy because they will give praise to God in Heaven. Thus, as I knelt before that altar in Rome, I came to understand that this practice of venerating bodily relics of the Saints is a witness to our belief in the Resurrection of Body, and that it chiefly points to Christ’s Resurrection, not away from Him.

Given this rootedness in the Resurrection, the altar enshrining St. Francis Xavier’s forearm reminded me of the purpose of my spouse’s human body – to be an everlasting temple of God. It is this recognition that helps guide marital romance: our bodies are temples of God by virtue of our baptism, and we are called to praise God in our bodies through virtue and the Sacraments (see Rom 12:1). Marital romance is called to be “romance within the Resurrection.” It is a romance that goes beyond simply asking whether or not a particular action violates a commandment given by God, like adultery or lust. It also asks every day whether or not this physical or verbal action treats my spouse’s body with the respect due to a “temple of God,” which it is in this life and the next. Therefore, far from drawing me away from Christ or the love of my spouse, the relic of St. Francis Xavier instead brought us closer by provoking the following questions: “Do I approach my spouse within the vision of God’s plan for our bodies, or do I disregard that plan because of laziness, selfishness, or ignorance? And am I treating my spouse with prayerful reverence as I would a bodily relic of a Saint?” Thus, while others were enjoying the beach on their honeymoon – which for the record we did later too – we were also blessed with romance in the most unlikely of all places, in front of a saint’s body part.

Want to strengthen your marital romance and vocation with your spouse? Then try praying before a relic of a saint! (Oftentimes a shrine to a particular saint will have a relic from that saint.) Before the relic, ask God to illumine both of your minds about the true nature of your bodies and how to treat your spouse’s body according to this divine destiny. Then keep learning about God’s divine plan for your marriage and recall this holy relic on many occasions to foster this awareness of our bodies’ destiny. Remember that we will always be learning about God’s plan for our marriage until the day we die, but let us with joy seek out this romance within the Resurrection, a romance that can even be found – nay especially found – before St. Francis Xavier’s forearm.

About the author
Daniel Meola is a PhD candidate at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family in Washington, DC. He and his wife Bethany were married in May 2011.

Married Saint: St. Elizabeth of Hungary

ElizabethofHungary Born: 1207
Died: 1231
Feast Day: November 17
Patronage: Bakers, beggars, brides, charities, dying children, Secular Third Order of Saint Francis

St. Elizabeth of Hungary was born in 1207 to King Andrew II, King of Hungary, and Gertrude of Merania. The daughter of royalty, she was soon arranged to be married to Lugwig IV of Thuringia and was sent for education at the court of the Landgrave of Thuringia. She was four at the time, and Ludwig was eleven.

Two years later, in 1213, Elizabeth’s mother was murdered. Though this was a difficult time in her young life, she turned to prayer and found support in her future mother-in-law, Countess Sophia. Sophia instilled in Elizabeth religious values and deep personal piety.

At age 14, in 1221, Elizabeth and Louis were married. Their marriage was an exceptionally happy union that produced three children. One biographer wrote that Elizabeth “was an extremely warm, affectionate person…From a very early date there was between them a love more intimate than that experienced by many couples who have been married for a long time.”

Louis understood his wife’s piety and placed no obstacles in her way. The two spouses, says the biographer, “were in agreement with respect to the most profound things that can unite human beings, that is, the things of God.” Elizabeth’s acts of charity were already well-known, as she distributed alms throughout the territory and established a hospital near the castle.

After six years of marriage, Elizabeth’s world was shattered when Louis died of the plague en route to the Sixth Crusade. On hearing the news, Elizabeth was reported to have said, “It is to me as if the whole world died today.”

During her brief widowhood, Elizabeth came under the influence of the Franciscans and learned to love voluntary poverty. In 1228 she joined the Third Order of St. Francis, also known as the Secular Franciscan Order, the lay branch of the Franciscan order. St. Francis of Assisi sent her a personal message shortly before his death. In his spirit, Elizabeth gave her dowry proceeds to the poor and ministered with the sick and needy.

She died in 1231 at the age of 24. She was canonized in 1235.

St. Elizabeth of Hungary, pray for us. 

Two Great Feasts: All Saints and All Souls

On the first two days of November each year, the Church commemorates two linked feast days: All Saints (November 1) and All Souls (November 2). All Saints is easy to understand: We remember all those who have lived lives of heroic holiness, whether the Church has canonized them or not. On All Souls, we remember all those who have died, not just the spiritual superstars.

From the earliest days the church has prayed for the deceased. Their judgment is in the hands of God, and we trust in God’s mercy. But we also believe the God cares about us and our concerns, so prayers for our deceased loved ones are appropriate.

The feast day itself is rooted in the second century. In the 10th century, St. Odilo of Cliny established a memorial of all the faithful departed. Rome added the feast to the church’s calendar in the 13th century. In many parts of the world the celebration of this feast day is marked with particular energy, such as el Dia del los Muertos in Mexico.

It’s appropriate to commemorate All Souls Day by praying for those who have gone before us in faith. Some people also visit the graves of their loved ones to pray for them.

The feast of All Souls reminds us of our mortality. We are all finite, mortal creatures. We are all loved by God, who has endowed us with an immortal soul. Our ultimate destiny lies in God’s hands, and even death does not separate us from his love.

Married Saints: Sts. Louis & Zelie Martin

St. Louis: August 22, 1823 – July 29, 1894
St. Zelie: December 23, 1831 – August 28, 1877
Feast Day: July 12
Patronage: Illness, Marriage, Parenting, Widowers

This couple is best known as the parents of St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower), but they are models of holiness in their own right. They are only the second married couple to be canonized.

Louis was born in 1823 in Bordeaux. When his hope of entering religious life was thwarted he became a watchmaker. Zelie Guerin was born in 1831. She, too, hoped to become a religious, but eventually understood that it was not God’s will. She became a successful lace-maker.

Louis and Zelie met in Alencon and were married in 1858 after a three-month courtship. For almost a year the couple lived as celibates, but the advice of a confessor changed their minds and they decided to raise as many children as possible for the glory of God. Zelie gave birth to nine children, five of whom entered religious life.

The family lived a comfortable lifestyle, but they also suffered the loss of four children at an early age and had to deal with a rebellious daughter. Their devotion never wavered, however. The couple lived modestly, reached out to the poor and the needy, and led daily prayers in the household. St. Therese would later write: “God gave me a father and a mother who were more worthy of heaven than of earth.”

In 1877, at age 45, Zelie Martin died of breast cancer. Louis and his daughters moved to Lisieux. Gradually his daughters left to enter the convent. Despite his loneliness he said: “It is a great, great honor for me that the Good Lord desires to take all of my children. If I had anything better, I would not hesitate to offer it to him.” Louis died in 1894 after suffering greatly, including a three-year stay in a psychiatric hospital.

Louis and Zelie Martin were beatified by Pope Benedict XVI in 2008 and canonized by Pope Francis in 2015. Their feast day is July 12, though a liturgical celebration in their honor is not included in the current General Roman Calendar.

Sts. Louis and Zelie, pray for us.

For further reflection:

  • Read Call to a Deeper Love: The Family Correspondence of the Parents of Saint Therese of the Child Jesus (1864-1885)
  • Pray a novena to Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin

Life Matters: Explaining the Reality of Marriage to Family And Friends

The following is the full text of a pamphlet from the 2013-2014 Respect Life Program. See all seven pamphlets here.

The true meaning and purpose of marriage has become clouded over the last 40 years. This confusion has influenced why and whether young people marry. While we understand marriage as a sacrament, it’s critical we learn to use non-religious language to explain it to our children and friends in ways that properly convey its truth and beauty.

Polls show most people think marriage is merely the recognition of a committed loving relationship principally for the benefit of the spouses. However, marriage is much more. Responsible negative influences include no-fault divorce, which makes marriage conditional on the happiness and fulfillment of adults and the separation of sex from procreation and marriage.

The breakdown of marriage has reached crisis mode. Today more than 50 percent of births to women under 30 occur outside marriage. According to sociologists, the increased numbers of children in poverty, in fatherless homes, and who experience abuse and neglect all relate to changing attitudes about marriage. The phenomenon of the breakdown of marriage has spread rapidly into the segment known as Middle America and is now touching nearly every extended family.

Efforts to reverse these current trends should be an imperative of social justice for every citizen, and a primary concern of every parent. Who would choose that their grandchildren should be deprived of mothers and fathers united in marriage, or that their own children should grow up to be single parents?

Rebuilding a Christian culture – and in this case, a marriage culture – does not start with judging others but with our own conversion. Conversion is a journey, not a destination. That journey is essential to the New Evangelization and the reason Pope Benedict XVI declared the Year of Faith. To evangelize the culture, starting in our own families, it is crucial to study and transmit the teachings of the Church about love, marriage, and sexuality to our children, but to also present them in non-religious terms that reveal their truth, beauty and goodness. No matter how well they know the Catechism, young people are vulnerable to accepting conflicting ideas that seem reasonable and appealing.

Many now only accept Church teaching that correlates with their own experience. Building a deeper faith and increasing confidence requires testing and verifying what she teaches.1

Verifying the Reality of Marriage

Remember, things aren’t true because they are in the Catechism. They are in the Catechism because they are first true. Church teaching does not create reality; it gives us a deeper understanding of it. Marriage as an integral part of God’s plan for creation is a reality that can be verified without the benefit of revelation.

“Father… for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike,” Jesus said (Lk 10:21). Looking at marriage from the perspective of the child within us reveals its truth.

The child has the right to be … brought up within marriage: it is through the secure and recognized relationship to his own parents that the child can discover his own identity and achieve his own proper human development. The parents find in their child . . . the permanent sign of their conjugal union, the living and indissoluble concrete expression of their paternity and maternity. (Donum Vitae, no. 1)

Why do adopted people wonder about their biological origins, or children created from sperm donors search out the person who engendered them, as well as their half-siblings? Rather than merely biological artifacts, moms, dads and siblings are part of our identity. Every person has a right to be part of a family, to be born to a mother and father united in marriage.Our own experience informs us. We all have a desire to know, be connected with, and loved by our own mother and father regardless of our relationship with them. This experience of God’s plan for creation has been stamped into our very nature.

Marriage Defined

Due to the confusion about marriage today, many struggle with expressing marriage so that its truth and goodness are evident. This is what marriage is and does:

Marriage unites a man and a woman with each other and any children born from their union.

This fact can only be recognized and not changed (Catechism §1601-1603). It expresses procreation, complementarity, motherhood and fatherhood, irreplaceability, kinship, and the good of the spouses and children. It even includes the potential for the heartbreak of infertility. Not every married man and woman has children, but every child has a mother and father.

This reveals why marriage has been recognized by every culture, society, and religion, each within its own sphere of interest or knowledge. In law, marriage creates the sole civil institution that unites children with their mothers and fathers and provides the only authority to promote it for the common good. The Church provides a deeper understanding of this same reality which was elevated to a sacrament by Christ’s total self-gift to us on the cross, and by the understanding of His relationship with His bride, the Church.

The Beauty of Marriage Revealed

In marriage, a man and woman freely choose to become irreplaceable to each other. This choice prepares them to receive the gift of a new life that has the same value and dignity as their own. The child is irreplaceable to them and both are irreplaceable to the child. Marriage begins the circle of irreplaceability we call the family.

The same is true for adoption. Marriage prepares the man and woman to receive that child into their circle of irreplaceability, permanently substituting for the mother and father the child lost.

When considered through the eyes of the child, marriage is beautiful. To rebuild a marriage culture, the truth about marriage must be restored and promoted so that more men and women choose to enter into the marital union as the foundation for their families.

As an imperative of social justice, public policy, education, entertainment and media all need to promote the importance of men and women marrying before having children.

More resources

About the Author
William B. May is author of Getting the Marriage Conversation Right, a Guide for Effective Dialogue and President of Catholics for the Common Good, an apostolate for evangelization of culture (www.ccgaction.org).

Notes
[1] Dwight Longenecker, “The Risk of Faith,” The Veritas Series (New Haven, CT: Knights of Columbus Supreme Council, 2008),http://www.kofc.org/un/en/resources/cis/cis332.pdf (accessed May 17, 2013).
[2] Donum Vitae (Instruction on Respect for Human Life in its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation), Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (1987).

About the document
Reprinted with permission from:

Secretariat of Pro-Life Activities
United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
3211 Fourth Street NE • Washington, DC 20017-1194
Tel: (202) 541-3070 • Fax: (202) 541-3054
Website: www.usccb.org/prolife

Copyright © 2013, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Washington, D.C.

Married Saint: Bl. Frédéric Ozanam

Born: April 23, 1813
Died: September 8, 1853
Feast Day: September 9
Patronage: Society of St. Vincent de Paul

Frédéric Ozanam was born on April 23, 1813 in Milan to Jean and Marie Ozanam. He was the fifth child of fourteen, but one of only three children who would live to adulthood.

During his teenage years, Ozanam experienced a time of great doubts about the Catholic faith he had been raised in. He turned to reading and prayer, neither of which seemed to help, but found great clarity in long discussions with Fr. Noirot, a priest and professor at Lyons College. The challenge to live out the faith captivated him. He said, “Let us not talk so much about charity! Instead we ought to practice it and really help the poor!”

In 1831, Ozanam left for Paris to begin his studies in law at the University of the Sorbonne. During his time at the Sorbonne, Ozanam organized a discussion club for students to debate the issues of the day. During one of these meetings, a member of the club challenged him to demonstrate his faith in a way other than words, to prove that the faith Ozanam spoke highly of was alive in him.

Struck by this challenge, Ozanam and a few of his friends met and founded the “Conference of Charity” to assist the poor in Paris. This organization was the beginning of the Society of St. Vincent de Paul, which today provides direct services to the poor in 148 countries.

Ozanam graduated from the Sorbonne in 1836 and went on to teach and practice law, also pursuing a degree in literature. the Society continued to grow and spread throughout Europe, with dozens of chapters forming in Paris and around the continent.

Frédéric knew that he wanted to marry. In his humility he prayed that his future wife would be “a pure soul, quite different from me.” On June 23, 1841 he married Amelie Soulacroix. Before the wedding he wrote to her: “I give you the will of a man, an upright and honest will, the will to be good so as to make you happy.” In remembrance of their wedding, he gave his wife a bouquet of flowers on the 23rd of each month. After two miscarriages, they were blessed with a daughter, Marie, in 1845.

In 1848 another revolution broke out in France and the government asked Ozanam’s organization to supervise government aid to the poor. Frédéric became an outspoken proponent of Christian democracy; he also started a newspaper dedicated to securing justice for the poor and the working classes. Fellow Catholics often took issue with his political stands.

Poor health forced Frédéric to resign his professorate. He died on September 8, 1853 in Marseilles at the age of 40.

In his homily for the beatification of Frédéric Ozanam in 1997, Pope St. John Paul II said:

Frédéric Ozanam believed in love, the love of God for every individual. He felt himself called to love, giving the example of a great love for God and others. He went to all those who needed to be loved more than others, those to whom the love of God could not be revealed effectively except through the love of another person. There Ozanam discovered his vocation, the path to which Christ called him. He found his road to sanctity. And he followed it with determination… Today the Church confirms the kind of Christian life which Ozanam chose, as well as the path which he undertook. She tells him: Frédéric, your path has truly been the path of holiness.

Blessed Frédéric Ozanam, pray for us. 

Married Saint: St. Jane Frances de Chantal

Jane de Chantal (large, color)Born: January 28, 1572
Died: December 13, 1641
Feast Day: August 12
Patronage: forgotten people, in-law problems, loss of parents, parents separated from children, widows

St. Jane Frances de Chantal is probably best known for her great spiritual friendship with St. Francis de Sales, with whom she founded the Visitation sisters. Before that, however, St. Jane was a happily married wife and mother who successfully ran a large estate.

St. Jane was born in Dijon, France in 1572. At age 21 she married Christopher, the baron de Chantal. She bore six children, four of whom survived past infancy. She and her husband enjoyed a happy marriage. A witness during her canonization stated: “These two spouses provided a model of a genuinely holy marriage. They had between them one heart and one soul.”

Tragically, after nine years of marriage Christopher was killed in a hunting accident. Before he died, Christopher forgave the man who shot him. Jane, however, struggled for a long time. She was finally able to forgive the man and even became godmother to his child.

Jane and her children moved in with her father-in-law, who humiliated and terrorized the young widow for seven years. She endured patiently, even helping to raise his four illegitimate children.

In 1604 Jane’s life changed dramatically when she heard St. Francis, Bishop of Geneva, preach a series of Lenten sermons. The two began a friendship that quickly bore fruit. In 1610 they started the Congregation of the Visitation, a religious order for women who could not endure the austerities of traditional orders. The Visitandines flourished and exist to this day in countries around the world.

Jane died in 1641 and was canonized in 1767. Her feast day is celebrated on August 12.

St. Jane Frances de Chantal, pray for us. 

Married Saint: Bl. Franz Jagerstatter

Born: May 20, 1907
Died: August 9, 1943
Feast Day: May 21
Patronage:  Conscientious objectors

The Second World War produced several saints; one of them was Blessed Franz Jagerstatter, husband, father and Austrian conscientious objector.

Franz was born on May 20, 1907 in Upper Austria. He gained a reputation for wildness while growing up—he was the first in his village to own a motorcycle—and fathered a daughter out of wedlock. His marriage to a deeply religious woman in 1936 settled him down and encouraged his growth in the faith. He and his wife had three daughters.

Although not involved with any political organization, Franz became increasingly anti-Nazi. In 1938 he was the only citizen to vote against the Anschluss, the annexation of Austria by Germany. He became convinced that participation in the war was a serious sin. Called to active duty in 1943 he announced his conscientious objection. He was subsequently tried and executed by guillotine on August 9 at age 36.

In 2007 Pope Benedict XVI declared Franz Jagerstatter a martyr. He was beatified on October 26, 2007 and his feast day is May 21.

Bl. Franz Jagerstatter, pray for us. 

Married Saint: St. Thomas More

Thomas MoreBorn: February 7, 1478
Died: July 6, 1535
Feast Day: June 22
Patronage: Attorneys, Civil Servants, Court Clerks, Lawyers, Politicians, Public Servants, Adopted Children

Marriage is both a public institution and a private relationship. St. Thomas More defended the institution with his life and lived the relationship faithfully and fruitfully.

More was born in 1478 in London. His mother died when he was young. After an excellent education, he seriously considered joining a religious order, but realized that he could not renounce marriage and family life. In 1505 he married Jane Colt, 10 years his junior. The marriage was a happy one, cut short by Jane’s death at 22.

Left a widower with four small children, More quickly married Alice Middleton, a silk merchant. Known for her sharp tongue, Alice faced the tough task of raising her stepchildren—she and More had no children of their own—and running the household. One biographer observed: “In this marriage—whatever may have been lacking in beauty—there was at no time a lack of mutual respect or of a clear understanding as to the competence of each spouse.”

More paid close attention to the religious upbringing of us children, and well as their general education. He made sure that his three daughters received as fine an education as his son, at a time when few girls were educated.

Thomas More was a lawyer, writer (“Utopia”) and statesman. He is best known for his clash with King Henry VIII over the king’s decision to divorce his wife and marry Anne Boleyn. He refused to take an oath that declared the king’s first marriage invalid and that recognized Henry as head of the Church of England. He was convicted of treason on the basis of perjured testimony and beheaded on July 6, 1535.

More was canonized in 1935. He shares his feast day, June 22, with another English martyr, St. John Fisher.

St. Thomas More, pray for us. 

For further reflection:

Married Saint: St. Rita of Cascia

Born: 1381
Died: May 22, 1457
Feast Day: May 22
Patronage: Difficult Marriages, Impossible Causes, Infertility, Parenthood

Most of the saints in this series enjoyed marriages that were happy and peaceful. St. Rita of Cascia did not. By all accounts Rita’s husband abused her, and during the 14th century abused wives had no alternative but to remain in the home.

Rita’s story begins with her birth in 1381 to a pious Italian couple. Rita, an only child, wished to enter the convent but her parents insisted that she marry. They chose a man named Paolo Mancini who, although rich, was known for his violent temper. The marriage went well at first and the couple had two sons. Gradually, however, Paolo’s rages and abusive behavior resurfaced, with Rita as the victim. Moreover, Paolo became involved in political activities that made him many enemies.

Rita persisted in prayer and good example. Finally, recognizing how much pain he had caused Rita, Paolo begged her forgiveness, which she gave. Unfortunately, the couple’s reconciliation was short-lived as Paolo was murdered in a blood feud.

Rita forgave her husband’s murderers, but her sons vowed revenge. Before they could act, however, both were killed by dysentery that swept through the village. Rita was both a widow and childless.

Rita was able to reconcile her family with her husband’s murderers. With the conflict resolved she entered the convent at age 36, where she lived a life of prayer and penance until her death in 1457.

St. Rita was canonized in 1900. Her feast day is celebrated on May 22. In many countries St. Rita is the patron saint of abused wives and grieving mothers.

St. Rita of Cascia, pray for us. 

All marriages go through rough patches. Patience, persistence and spiritual resources such as prayer and the sacraments can help couples to survive marital storms. Domestic abuse, however, is another matter. No woman is expected to stay in a marriage where her life, or the lives of her children, is in danger. See more information on domestic abuse.

For further reflection: