Tag Archives: Family Life & Parenting

Contemplative Prayer

In the Catholic tradition we have many kinds of prayer. We have liturgical prayer, which follows a set ritual and is prayed communally. Personal or private prayer has often been divided into prayers of praise, thanksgiving, contrition, and supplication. These prayers acknowledge God’s greatness, express our thanks for all God has done for us, express our sorrow for our sins, and ask God for what we need.

But throughout our history Catholics have also engaged in contemplative prayer. This sort of prayer or meditation is much less about saying things to God, and is more about listening to what God is saying to us. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in its section on contemplative prayer, quotes St. Teresa who wrote, “Contemplative prayer in my opinion, is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with him whom we know loves us.” In its thirteen paragraphs on contemplative prayer, the Catechism eloquently describes aspects of this kind of prayer, calling it a gift, a gaze of faith fixed on Jesus, hearing God’s word, and an experience of silence (CCC 2709 – 2724).

What the Catechism doesn’t describe is how to do it. For that information, I’d recommend the writings of those who have excelled at this kind of prayer, specifically saints like John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, Therese of Lisieux, and Julian of Norwich. Contemporary expressions of contemplative prayer include methods like Scripture Prayer, centering prayer, and Eucharistic adoration.

Prayer is the essential communication of the Christian life, and contemplative prayer challenges us to make sure that we’re not just speaking to God, but actively listening to God’s speaking to us.

Where’s My Parish?

Periodically I’ll meet someone, and they’ll explain, a little defensively, “I’m Catholic, but I don’t have a parish.” What they mean, I suppose, is that they haven’t been inside a church in a long time. The fact is, everyone has a Catholic parish.

Catholic parishes are divided primarily along geographic lines. There are parishes set up for specific groups of people—often ethnic or language minorities—to allow them to worship in a community where they will feel most comfortable. These are officially called “personal parishes.” In the last century in the US, there were lots of these parishes in the US; there are fewer today.

But everyone, everywhere, is part of a Catholic parish. The church’s mission is to provide pastoral care to all people, and so every place on earth where people live, the church has appointed someone to provide that care. In sparsely populated regions, that pastor may be at a significant distance. But everyone is part of a parish.

Sometimes people believe that they’re only part of a parish if they’ve “signed-up” “registered” or if they get envelopes for the Sunday offering. But the church’s code of canon law doesn’t make any such distinctions. You’re part of a parish because the church offers you pastoral care, not because you’ve filled out a form.

If you aren’t sure what parish you’re in, the easiest way to find out is to call the office of your local diocese or archdiocese, and ask them. You can also visit a neaby Catholic parish, and they’ll be able to tell you if you live within their boundaries.

Local parishes are the center of the church’s life. They’re a place where you can find friends, a place to belong, and a place to worship. They are places where people like you find support, spiritual nourishment, and a community to share life’s sorrows and joys.

The Common Good: A Call to Charity and Justice

Some years back, a book was published called Thoreau: The Complete Individualist. The title raises a question: Is it possible to be a complete individualist?

Consider a life in which there is no common language, no neighbor to lend you a quart of milk, no police officer to protect you from a robber, nor fire fighter to save your burning house – a house, by the way, that you would have had to build yourself.

Imagine a world with seven billion complete individualists, all living in perfect isolation, none of whom can communicate with each other, help each other, fall in love with each other: no spouses, no friends, no families, no children.

It was considerations like these that prompted the Greek philosopher Aristotle, 25 centuries ago, to say that “man is by nature a social animal.” Who could imagine living a life without living in some sort of community, maintaining relationships with other human beings, depending on others for food and clothing and shelter?

But Aristotle went beyond the merely material and social benefits of community. When he sat down to write his book on ethics, he began it by saying simply: “The good is that at which all things aim.” In other words, every person on the planet, everyone who came before us or will come after us, whether consciously or not, aims in their lives to achieve “the good.”

Notice that Aristotle didn’t say “a good” or “goods,” but the good, meaning everyone shares the same good.

What Is “The Good”?

No one has decided to the satisfaction of everyone how “the good” is defined. In the mid-1930s, Fascists found the good to be synonymous with the state. Italy’s Fascist dictator, Benito Mussolini, offered this philosophy in opposition to the philosophy of individualism, which says there’s not one good but many goods, depending on personal tastes.

To the Church, neither statism nor individualism achieve the good, whether the personal good of human beings or the common good of society. A good that does not include God and does not promote a civil society is not a sufficient good at all.

As theologian David Hollenbach puts it, “The full common good exists only in the communion of all persons with God and with each other in God.” To Christians and many others, a life that doesn’t recognize God, who is both the creator and true end of people and societies, is a life without meaning.

When we find meaning, we find fulfillment. But we can’t find fulfillment in isolation. We find it when we love and serve God as well as other people. Not all societies make it possible to do that. Think of highly regimented North Korea, where fulfillment means serving the state alone, or the many other countries where there exists no personal or religious freedoms. Likewise, it’s hard to find fulfillment when we use our freedoms to benefit only ourselves without regard for the well-being of others.

The Church certainly has a clear idea of what constitutes the good life, and anyone who wonders what that is can find it contained in the Bible or in the many forms of Church tradition or by listening to the Word preached at Sunday Mass.

Social Conditions that Promote the Common Good

But instead of trying to impose the good life on people, an exercise with often sorry consequences, the Church offers what it considers to be the social conditions that give people and groups who want to pursue the good life the ability to do so.

What are some of those conditions? Among them is a commitment to peace. War and civil conflict not only affect armies that wage battle, but destroy the conditions of life for civilians as well. For example, the olive branch became a symbol of peace because in ancient Greece farmers wouldn’t plant olive trees, which take 15 years or more to bear fruit, if they thought that opposing armies would be running up and down the countryside destroying their orchards. The commitment to plant an olive tree was a sign of the farmer’s belief that peace would last.

But peace without justice is no peace at all. Today’s farmers want a strong government to protect their farms, but not an unjust government that would seize their orchards without due cause. Justice, a second condition of the common good, is more than observing contractual obligations and the laws against theft and violence. It is respect for the human dignity of other human beings, those next door and those around the world, perhaps best summed up by the injunction to “love your neighbor as yourself.”

A third condition of the common good is the protection of human rights, making sure that all people have an adequate provision of the goods and services essential to living a decent life, like food, housing and a productive job.

Other conditions include the protection of religious freedoms, freedom of communication and expression, and access to culture and a good education.

A final condition, one made apparent by the role of transportation and communication in shrinking the globe, is a nation’s contribution to the well-being of humanity around the world, particularly those in developing countries. That means sharing not only financial resources, but technological know-how as well.

The Universal Destination of Goods

But am I my brother’s keeper, particularly a brother thousands of miles away in, say, southern Africa? Or how about the Mexican immigrant mowing my front lawn?

The per capita income in the United States is $47,000 a year. In Burundi, a poor African country, it is $400 a year. And those figures take into account the respective costs of living in each country. The worldwide average? $11,000.

The common good does not demand an equalization of income around the world. The U.S. has a very productive economy; Burundi does not. Any utopian scheme to equalize incomes would be unjust and would certainly be bound to fail, as the average American family, for example, would be unwilling to surrender 75 percent of their income.

The common good does not demand a complete transfer of wealth, but it does suggest that all of us develop a new vision of economic wealth and social justice.

It does so by reminding us that the earth’s resources were placed there by God for the benefit of all, so that each person can access what he or she needs in order to develop fully as a human person. As Pope John Paul II pointed out, the common use of goods is a right, a natural right, inherent in being a human person. It is, he wrote, the “first principle of the whole ethical and social order” and “the characteristic principle of Christian social doctrine.”

But that right seems to conflict with the Church’s long-time stand that private property is also a right, a right that allows people a sphere of personal and family autonomy. In fact, neither right is absolute, but the right to private property may be regulated to achieve the goals of the common good.

Ideally, that regulation should come from within. In 2010, Warren Buffett, the investor, and Bill Gates, the co-founder of Microsoft, challenged their fellow billionaires to give at least half of their net worth to charity. Buffett himself pledged to give away 99 percent of his wealth.

He said it was prompted not by guilt, but by gratitude, although his comments might lead people to believe that he was motivated not only by charity but by economic justice. He said he saw the distortions in a system that rewarded some investors with great wealth and rewarded soldiers who save lives and teachers who inspire students with little more than medals and nice notes from parents.

“Too often,” Buffett added, “a vast collection of possessions ends up possessing its owner,” a point made also in the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church: The universal destination of goods, it said, is a principle that “corresponds to the call made unceasingly by the Gospel to people and societies of all times, tempted as they always are by the desire to possess.”

“Love for the poor,” the Compendium says, “is certainly incompatible with immoderate love of riches or their selfish use.” As a result, the Church urges its members, as well as governments and institutions, to a “preferential option for the poor,” urging people to use what wealth they have not only to provide for their families, but also to provide for the needs of those who live on the margins of society.

A preferential option for the poor is very much a part of the common good. It’s not only a matter of closing the wealth gap, but also of closing the gap between the lives we lead and the lives many of us believe we should be leading.

Interested in learning more about Catholic Social Teaching? Check out the following:

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter, who worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress.

Catholic Social Teaching: Subsidiarity

Twenty years ago, the Soviet Union imploded. Since then, all sorts of reasons have been given for its collapse: Ronald Reagan’s defense policies, Mikhail Gorbachev’s foresight, Pope John Paul II’s charisma, the anemic Soviet economy, to name a few.

But one cause that seems most persuasive, a cause cited by Pope John Paul himself, is the Soviet failure to develop a civil society. The Soviet Union consisted of the all-powerful state and the powerless individual. Nothing in between.

What is a civil society? It is the accumulation, over centuries, of all sorts of institutions: economic, social, cultural, sports-oriented, recreational, professional and political.

Some thinkers have called such groups, “mediating institutions,” in that they come between government and the individual and protect the individual from the power of the state. The role of government is not to usurp the prerogative of these institutions but to support them.

It is the principle of subsidiarity that underlies the right of individuals to associate with other like-minded people and to organize themselves into groups, a right that was denied by the Soviet Union. This right is a natural right, a right that is not the government’s to extend but is the birthright of every human being. In the words of the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, “it is impossible to promote the dignity of the person without showing concern for such groups.”

As a principle, it was first formulated in 1931, in the midst of the Great Depression. Pope Pius XI issued a major social encyclical, Quadragesimo Anno, which took issue with the centralization of political and economic power at the time. He envisioned the practice of subsidiarity as the way to restore civil society.

“Just as it is gravely wrong to take from individuals what they can accomplish by their own initiative and industry and give it to the community,” he wrote, “so also it is an injustice and at the same time a grave evil and disturbance of right order to assign to a greater and higher association what lesser and subordinate organizations can do.”

At the base of civil society is the family, the first and most natural institution. The family is where people learn to grow, to take responsibility. It is the first school of work, as any 12-year old who is asked to clean his room or mow the lawn can testify to. And most recently, during a time of economic upheaval, it is the one group that will take you in when you can’t find an affordable home.

The family may be civil society’s most basic institution, but society encompasses all sorts of institutions, from churches and schools to soccer and bowling leagues. In fact it was the decline of participation in bowling leagues over a 50-year period that inspired Robert Putnam, a Harvard political scientist, to track a decline in America’s social capital. The number of Americans who bowl has increased, but the number who bowl in leagues has declined. People grow primarily through their relationships with others, and if Americans spend all their time alone with their computers or alone in the bowling alleys, America’s civil society, and Americans themselves, will suffer as a result.

Subsidiarity does not stand in opposition to government. Some political thinkers, Thomas Paine and Henry David Thoreau, to name two, subscribed to the theory that government which governs least governs best. That is not the intent of subsidiarity, which maintains that every problem should be handled by the institution most competent to deal with it, while giving priority to the institution that is closest to the problem. Moreover, subsidiarity requires that those who are affected by policies have a voice in developing those policies.

Subsidiarity is a principle that can benefit not only society but government itself. In fact, it probably helps to visualize this principle by thinking of the way the United States is governed. Washington shares power with the states, which in turn share power with counties, cities and towns. If you want to report a broken water main, it’s a whole lot more efficient to get a hold of your local public works agency than to inform an agency in Washington. On the other hand, some things need to be done by a national government, like diplomacy and national defense.

Government at all levels has responsibility for the common good, the conditions under which true civil society is fostered. When individuals or groups use their power to weaken the social fabric, it’s the role of government to step in. For example, presidents and congresses have used the power of the federal government to confront the power of both large corporations and large labor unions when they felt that the common good was being undermined. The Supreme Court has supported individuals when their rights were violated by state and local governments.

The Church’s social teaching, as related in the Compendium, maintains that all human beings have an equal dignity, and that government has a special responsibility for serving the needs of the poor and most vulnerable. But at the same time, the Church opposes “certain forms of centralization, bureaucratization, and welfare assistance” when they “lead to a loss of human energies” and “are dominated more by bureaucratic ways of thinking than by concern for serving their clients.”

Is there a golden mean between the helping hand of government and the heavy hand of government? Subsidiarity, rightly understood, is the Church’s answer.

But the principle, and the civil society it fosters, won’t flourish unless citizens participate in their communities. True subsidiarity depends on the willingness of people to become active participants in civil society, to engage with contemporary cultural and social issues, and to help order them according to God’s will.

Learn more about Catholic Social Teaching.

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter who worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress.

Solidarity: Working for the Common Good

Dakota Meyer was a Marine corporal serving in Afghanistan on September 8, 2009. What he did that day earned him the nation’s highest military award, the Medal of Honor. When he learned that three fellow Marines and a Navy Corpsman were missing during an attack by a group of insurgents, he charged five times into a hail of bullets to rescue them, an action that one former combat veteran called “beyond comprehension.”

What Meyer later said is almost as interesting as what he did. “I lost a lot of Afghans that day,” he said. “And I’ll tell you right now – they were just as close to me as those Marines were. At the end of the day, I don’t care if they’re Afghans, Iraqis, Marines or Army; it didn’t matter.”

What Meyer did and said confirms what many combat veterans have reported: what motivates soldiers in combat is not hatred of their enemy, but love for their comrades. Soldiers fight because those next to them depend on them.

That motivation gets to the heart of one of the fundamental principles of Catholic Social Teaching – solidarity, a principle that in modern terminology is “hard-wired” into our human natures. As humans, we are social beings, and are dependent on the friendship and cooperation of others.

Few of us will have an opportunity to display the bravery of a Corporal Meyer. But all of us are given opportunities every day to rise above human flaws, such as egoism, fear or greed, that prevent us from serving others.

The Church’s emphasis on solidarity arose only during the last hundred years or so. The word “solidarity” suggests a relationship of unity among people, like the old phrase, “all for one, and one for all.”

A Social Principle. Solidarity is a social principle. The concept grew out of the change of a medieval, agrarian society based to a great extent on cooperation into a modern, industrial society based on competition. While the structures of such modern society are organized for competition, the Church maintains that, as humans, our basic orientation is towards cooperation and harmony.

Most Americans work for large organizations and know that, despite all the rhetoric about competition, the ability to get their work done depends on cooperation. Some years ago, a chief executive of one of America’s largest companies was speaking to a group of executives. He said cooperation had been very important to him in his career.

“I spent the first 15 years of my career working in research,” he said. “The popular image of a research scientist is the lone genius. His hair is sticking out every which way; he is surrounded by smoking test tubes; and whatever discovery he comes up with will be the result of his own peculiar genius.”

“I’ve got a dozen or so patents under my name,” he said. “But there is not a one of them that hasn’t been the result of a whole lot of cooperation with colleagues in the laboratory.”

The Church sees solidarity as a better way to orient the structures of society, to conform human institutions to human nature so that society can avoid the excesses of “unbridled capitalism,” on the one hand, and oppressive socialism, on the other.

A Moral Virtue. Solidarity is not only a social principle, but a moral virtue, as well. Like any other virtue, such as temperance or humility, solidarity is a virtue we need to keep working on. The goal to be realized is the commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself,” or as the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church has put it: Solidarity “translates into the willingness to give oneself for the good of one’s neighbor, beyond any individual or particular interest.” By sacrificing our own selfish interests to serve others, we work for the common good, which is the goal of all Catholic social teaching.

For those of us who don’t have our hands on the levers of economic and political power, or who aren’t on the front lines of combat, how can we promote solidarity and make it part of our way of life? Here are a few ways to live this principle.

Give Freely. Pope Benedict has written about the importance of gratuitousness, in other words, giving without expecting a return. The logic of commerce is: “I’ll do this for you if you do that for me. If so, we’ll have a deal.” The logic of gratuitousness is: “I’ll do this for you because I think it will help you and serve the common good.” That’s the true spirit of cooperation – and of solidarity.

Live Simply. The more we get, the more we want. Some people may remember the 1980s bumper sticker: “He who dies with the most toys wins.” America has become a consumption society, replacing the good things it already owns with things considered a bit better. It’s easy to spend so much time acquiring that we have no time left over to give.

Work Diligently. If you want to help raise the standard of living for people all over the world, work diligently. It’s important to work hard so that others don’t have to pick up your slack. Don’t slough off and let others do the work. When everyone works together, they contribute to the common good and help ensure that all have what they need.

Serve Others Actively. As Pope John Paul II put it, true solidarity is not just a “feeling of vague compassion” for others, but “a firm and persevering determination to commit oneself to the common good; that is to say to the good of all and of each individual, because we are all really responsible for all.”

Interested in learning more about Catholic Social Teaching? Check out the following:

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter who has worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress.

Catholic Social Teaching: Human Dignity

Years ago I knew a man who was a model of dignity. Every year he hosted a Christmas party in his beautiful home, alongside his beautiful wife and family. He was poised, sophisticated, and thoroughly conversant with world issues. If I ever knew a man who was dignified, I thought, this was the guy.

I continued to think that until the police came to his house one day and arrested him for criminal activity in the business he ran. Away to prison he went, and away with him went my conception of what it meant to be dignified.

Human dignity is more fundamental than such attributes as poise or titles or wealth or intellect. It is a quality shared by every human being. An emaciated Somali child in a refugee camp shares this dignity just as much as a member of the British royal family.

From the moment of conception, all of us have an intrinsic dignity by virtue of being created “in the image of God;” by being endowed with a soul, which, among other things, gives us the ability to reason and make free choices in life; and by having a destiny, if we choose to seek it, of living eternally in the presence of God.

Human Dignity and Human Rights

Human dignity implies human rights, a respect accorded to all human beings, whether rich or poor, young or old. In other words, human rights are shared in equal measure by all people.

The most basic human right is the right to life. It is enshrined in the Ten Commandments with the injunction: “Thou shalt not kill.” It is the first right mentioned in America’s Declaration of Independence. It implies more than mere survival. It means a life free from servitude and a life that includes whatever spiritual and material means are necessary for living a life of dignity. If living in luxury is not a sign of human dignity, neither is living in destitution conducive to it.

A second basic human right is the preservation of family life. The family is the original and fundamental unit in society. Within the family, wrote Pope John Paul II, young people receive their “first formative ideas about truth and goodness, and (learn) what it means to love and to be loved, and thus what it actually means to be a person.” The family is such a vital cell of society and so important for personal growth that one of the most powerful arguments against slavery in the 19th Century was the breakup of slave families.

A third fundamental right is the right to own property. Private property gives individuals and families some form of protection from the world outside, a sphere of self-determination that is necessary to be fully human. The old saying, “A man’s home is his castle,” suggests not only the pride he takes in ownership but the legal fortification needed to preserve his family’s protection and independence. Property is also what workers earn from the fruits of their labor. To take away their property is to steal from them what they rightfully earned. A telling argument against servitude is that slaves have nothing they can call their own, that they receive no real compensation for the work they do.

A fourth basic human right is the right of association. People naturally associate with one another, whether in families, churches, political parties, social clubs or professional organizations. In such groups, people find others who share their interests and ideals, who help protect their freedoms and nurture their talents. For example, Catholic social teaching has long supported the right of workers to form unions. Such groups give individuals the ability to protect their own interests and to stand up to wealth and power.

Personal Responsibility

Human rights are an essential part of human dignity. But human dignity also implies personal responsibility.

A free will is one of the key attributes of human dignity. In modern terms, freedom means the ability to do as you please. Catholic teaching has a more profound understanding of freedom. It’s based on the understanding that many of the things we do have a moral component; that is, they tend to be good or evil.

A well-known psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, spent three years at Auschwitz and other Nazi prisons. In writing the story of his imprisonment, he proposed a Statue of Responsibility to be erected on the West Coast. This statue, he suggested, would complement and balance the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast. He saw what happened when a group of men arrogated to themselves the freedom and the power to decide what is good and what is evil.

According to the Book of Genesis, write the authors of the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Catholic Church, “the power to decide good and evil does not belong to man but to God alone.”

As the creator of the world and the people in it, God knows what leads to true happiness and what leads to misery. That knowledge has its expression in God’s moral law. People find their true fulfillment when they accept that law. And “by deviating from the moral law,” says the Church’s Catechism, “man violates his own freedom, becomes imprisoned within himself, disrupts neighborly fellowship and rebels against divine truth.”

Human dignity is the birthright of every man and woman. It is inalienable, meaning it cannot be taken away by any person or institution. But it is also a foundation that can be built upon.

Learn more about Catholic Social Teaching.

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter who worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress.

How To Go To Confession

During the season of Lent, many Catholics will want to seek out the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or confession. In my experience as a confessor, I often encounter people who aren’t comfortable, or who don’t quite remember how Reconciliation works. So here are Fr. Larry’s tips for a good confession.

1. Know what it is you want to confess. Spend some time reflecting on your life, and examine your conscience so you know why you need God’s forgiveness.

2. Find a confessor you’re comfortable with. If you want more anonymity that you think you’ll get with a priest at your own parish, go to a neighboring parish. Lots of people do.

3. If you have lots to say, or if you will want more than a five minute conversation, don’t just get in line on a Saturday afternoon. Call a priest and make an appointment. It’s better if you don’t feel rushed.

4. Relax. If it’s been a while, or if you’re nervous, or you don’t remember how to proceed, just tell the priest. He’ll reassure you, and walk you through the process.

5. “I don’t remember the Act of Contrition.” Not to worry. After you receive your penance, and before the prayer of absolution, you need to pray an Act of Contrition. If you don’t have one memorized, you can say a prayer in your own words telling God you’re sorry for your sins, and that with his help you’ll try to do better.

6. Go regularly. Many people find it helpful to see the same confessor every few weeks. With regular confessions, particularly face-to-face, your confessor can help you look at the patterns of your life, not just individual sins.

Lent is a season of repentance for the whole Church. With a little preparation and clear communication, the Sacrament of Reconciliation can make that repentance a real force for healing in your life.

To learn more about the Sacrament of Penance, please visit this USCCB page. For individual resources (video, how-to guide, and more) please visit this USCCB page.

How to Pray With Your Spouse: Four Simple Steps

Ever wonder how to pray more intimately with your husband? Wish you were spiritually closer to your wife? Couples can learn a great deal from the Mass about how to pray together as husband and wife and how to deepen their intimacy at the same time. This is because the Mass is the perfect prayer between Christ and His bride, the Church. Spouses who want to learn how to pray together can begin by following the same basic structure of the Mass. So let’s first look at how the People of God—the Church—pray during Mass and then we will explore four simple steps for praying with your spouse.

Structure of the Mass

The Mass consists of four parts, which include the Introductory Rite, the Liturgy of the Word, the Liturgy of the Eucharist, and the Concluding Rite. In the Introductory Rite the Church comes together, makes the Sign of the Cross, and asks God for forgiveness, which prepares our hearts for deeper union with God. Next is the Liturgy of the Word, which is when we actively listen to the readings from scripture. This time can be likened to a conversation between Christ and the Church. Christ speaks to us in the readings, and we sing psalms to God from our hearts. Then, in the Liturgy of the Eucharist, Christ and the Church exchange their love with each other. Through the changing of bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, Jesus is made substantially present to us. He then gives Himself to us in the Eucharist. At the same time, we receive Him and give ourselves back to Him, deepening an intimate union. Finally, the Concluding Rite reminds us to go in peace, glorifying the Lord with our lives.

Four simple steps

Praying with one’s spouse by following the structure of the Mass can be simple and enriching. Here is a four-step process.

Step One: Reconcile and Rejoice

First, set time aside weekly for just the two of you. Come together in a comfortable place or hold hands on a walk. Make the Sign of the Cross and take a moment to focus on being present to each other and to God, as is done at the start of the Mass. As you begin, take time to reconcile. Talk about how you might have hurt each other during the week. Then apologize and offer forgiveness. This will allow you to approach God with open hearts and to be united as you pray. Once you have reconciled, rejoice by offering a short prayer of thanksgiving to God.

Step Two: Discover God Together

Step Two is modeled on the Liturgy of the Word. After reconciling and rejoicing, spend time discovering God together. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, you could read the Bible and talk about the passage. If you don’t know where to begin in the Bible then a good option is to read the Gospel passage that will be proclaimed at the next Sunday Mass. You can find Sunday readings at the USCCB’s Daily Readings.

An additional option is to read the Psalms, which have been called the “book of prayer.” The Psalms express sorrow and joy, fear and hope, longing for God, and praise. By scanning the titles of each Psalm you and your spouse will easily find one that you can relate to. Pray it slowly aloud and then discuss how it stirs your emotions or what it leads you to think about.

Another way to approach God together can simply involve talking about what is on your hearts and minds. What are you thankful for this week? What challenges are creeping up in your life? What do you need from each other and from God? Answer these questions honestly and then offer prayers of petition to God. Remember to give thanks as you see God faithfully answering your prayers.

Step Three: Share Your Love

Step Three relates to the Liturgy of the Eucharist. After discovering God together, you can deepen your prayer and intimacy by sharing your love with each other. Sharing your love in the context of prayer may include a kiss, resting in each other’s arms, caring for an ill spouse, giving words of affirmation, or any other meaningful way you communicate your love. Again, have a thankful heart as your intimacy is deepened in the presence of God.

Step Four: Serve Each Other

As your time together draws to a close, remember to go in peace and to serve the Lord in each other. Prayer and intimacy never ends! Let your service and intimacy live on throughout every day, as you go about cooking, cleaning, listening, working, and so on. The fruit that will come from your prayer routine will bless your marriage, deepen your love for God and each other, and allow you to reflect the love relationship between Christ and his beloved spouse, the Church.

About the Author
Dr. Chris Stravitsch is Founder of Rejoice Counseling Apostolate and Cofounder of the St. John Paul II Foundation. He earned a Doctor of Ministry from The Catholic University of America, where he focused his research on the spiritual formation of couples and families.

“Courageous” Movie Offers Powerful Message About Fatherhood

Are you looking for a new movie with a compelling message and action-packed police drama? Then check out “Courageous,” which opens around the country on September 30.

Sherwood Pictures produced the film, following up on the success of an earlier release, “Fireproof.” Unique among production companies, Sherwood Pictures is a ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. The actors are volunteers, drawn mostly from the church’s ministry. Most of them, especially the leads, turn in professional performances worthy of a mainstream production.

“Courageous” tells the story of four law enforcement officers who bravely face the worst the streets have to offer. At home, however, they’re falling short as dads. One nags his son and brushes off his daughter; another is divorced and hardly sees his child; a third fathered a daughter when he was young and then walked away. It takes a personal tragedy, and more, to help these men recognize and accept their responsibilities as Christian fathers.

Although set in an evangelical Christian context, the film’s message about the importance of fatherhood will resonate with people of all faiths. The filmmakers are encouraging individuals, small groups, and faith communities to use the movie as a springboard to discussion and practical application of its message.

More information and resources are available on the Courageous website.

What is a Patron Saint?

Anyone who grew up watching television star Danny Thomas in the 1950s and 1960s is familiar with St. Jude, the patron saint of hopeless causes and desperate situations. Anyone who has happened by Fifth Avenue in New York City on a March 17th has discovered, if they didn’t already know, that the patron saint of Ireland is St. Patrick.

St. Jude and St. Patrick are just two of hundreds of patron saints who serve as special protectors or advocates for churches; individuals; for countries, cities, and towns; for occupational groups; and for persons with special needs.

Most churches are named after saints, a tradition that arose when Christians began to build churches over the tombs of martyrs. For example, St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome rests on the site where St. Peter, the Apostle and first Pope, is thought to have been buried.

Countries have patron saints: the United States venerates the Immaculate Conception of Mary; Scotland, St. Andrew the Apostle. Some cities are even named after patron saints; for example, San Francisco was named after Saint Francis of Assisi in 1776, when the Spanish established a mission on the site.

When a child is baptized, he or she takes the name of a canonized saint, although children can also be named after some specific words with Christian associations. For example, the names Charity and Prudence, two Christian virtues, were at one time quite popular names. When a child is confirmed, the name of a canonized saint is chosen as the confirmation name.

One accusation leveled at Catholics is that they worship saints, a practice that should be reserved for God alone. This is a misunderstanding of Catholic teaching, which is that saints are venerated, but only God is adored. Is that a distinction without a difference? Not really.

Perhaps the distinction can best be explained by the reasons for which patron saints are chosen. One reason is that patron saints are chosen for their special ability not to act in the place of God, but rather to intercede with God on behalf of the petitioner. A heart patient, for example, might pray directly to God for relief from her condition. But she might also pray to St. John of God, the patron saint for people with heart conditions, to intercede with God on her behalf.

That this form of prayer is effective can be seen in the miraculous healings of individuals who have petitioned a particular saint to intercede for them. In fact, one cannot be canonized a saint without two miracles (direct interventions of God that cannot be explained by natural science) attributed to their intercession.

A second reason patron saints are chosen is not to worship them, but simply to honor them for the lives they led. In fact, it’s both a form of honor and a form of aspiration. Saints are canonized in recognition of their virtuous lives; specifically, making of their lives examples of the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, and the cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. By choosing special saints for baptismal names or professional patrons, we not only honor the lives they led but also use their good example to aspire to the kinds of lives we know we should lead ourselves.

Many patron saints gained their designation centuries ago; some are more recent. As occupations change, so does the need for new patron saints. Some may be chosen years from now among the ranks of those living today. Business executives have as yet no patron saint. Do you know someone in business whose life of heroic virtue would qualify them for such an honor? Now there’s an opening with a great future!

For reflection

Choose a patron saint (or saints) for your marriage with your spouse. Learn more about them, read their writings, and ask for their intercession when times are difficult.

Not sure where to start? Check out our list of married saints (below) or look up saints by patronage or date.

Sts. Louis & Zelie Martin
Bl. Ceferino Gimenez Malla
St. Elizabeth of Hungary
Bl. Frederic Ozanam
St. Jane France de Chantal
Bl. Franz Jagerstatter
St. Thomas More
St. Rita of Cascia
St. Gianna Molla
Bl. Peter To Rot
Bl. Giuseppe Tovini
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Structure of the Mass

Four simple steps

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