Tag Archives: Family Life & Parenting

Why Do We Celebrate Easter for 50 Days?

Most people think of Easter as a single day. It’s never had the commercial appeal of Christmas, and because it always falls on Sunday, most people don’t get an additional day off from work. But for Catholics, Easter isn’t just a day, it’s a whole season. The Easter season stretches all the way to the feast of Pentecost. Lent, which sometimes feels like it’s stretching on forever, is actually forty days long. Easter, on the other hand, is all of fifty days long. About these fifty days theologian Nathan Mitchell writes:

“The great fifty days of Pentecost are not an unwelcome, unrealistic obligation to ‘party on,’ even if we don’t feel like it, but an invitation to explore more deeply ‘the weather of the heart,’ to awaken our memory of God’s presence and power in our lives, to look more closely at all the rich and varied textures of creation.”

One way the church pursues this goal of seeing God present in the world is through the reading of the Acts of the Apostles. At Masses all through the Easter season, our usual practice of reading from the Old Testament is replaced be reading from the Acts of the Apostles. These readings tell the story of the church’s earliest days, and the beginnings of our faith’s spreading throughout the ancient world. These stories of heroism, controversies, persecutions and miracles all testify to the continued presence of the Risen Christ in the world, through the lives of his disciples, and the actions of the Holy Spirit.

All of this should be an encouragement and a sign of hope for us today. Despite war, violence, personal struggles, and an under-performing economy, God has not abandoned us, nor left us to our own devices. The risen savior is still with us. These 50 days of Easter ask us to reflect on his presence, and—even in the face of danger or fear—to live with joy.

For reflection

How can you and your family mark the 50 days of Easter this year? Here are some suggestions:

Check out For Your Marriage’s Easter Pinterest board!
Decorate your house for the season! Place fresh flowers on your table and mantle – you can even place flowers on crucifixes in your house. Frame or write out a quote from one of the Gospels and display it somewhere prominent.
Continue with spiritual resolutions, such as reading the Scriptures together as a family. Here are some lectio divina worksheets from the USCCB especially for the Easter season.
As the weather warms, plant a garden together to commemorate Easter morning, where Mary Magdalene found Christ in the garden.
Consider reading Acts of the Apostles or some of the New Testament letters as a family during this liturgical season.
The Easter season is a time of celebration! The Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary are particularly fitting for this time. Pray a decade as a family each week night.
Divine Mercy Sunday is celebrated the Sunday after Easter. To prepare for the celebration, consider praying the Divine Mercy novena that Christ revealed to St. Faustina. Starting on Good Friday, the novena spans from Good Friday through Saturday of the Octave of Easter. The novena can be found at EWTN’s website.

Here are some articles across For Your Marriage reflecting on the Easter season:

“Family Strong” – From Vow ’til Now
“My Lenten Insight” – Happily Even After
Happiness, Suffering, & the Meaning of Easter

Lenten Resolutions for Married Couples, Inspired by Pope Francis

Are you wondering how to grow in holiness this Lent, together with your spouse? Try following some advice from the Pope! In his homilies and addresses, Pope Francis has spoken quite directly about how husband and wife should treat each other, about prayer within the family, and other ways the family lives its identity as a “domestic Church.” So this Lent, why not commit with your spouse to try one of the following Lenten resolutions, based on words from the Holy Father?

1. Be courteous to your spouse. Use polite requests: “May I? Can I?” For example, “Would you like for us to do this?” and “Do you want to go out tonight?”

“To ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. …True love does not impose itself harshly and aggressively.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014.)

2. Say “thank you” to your spouse. “It seems so easy to say these words, but we know that it is not. But it is important! … It is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift from God – and for the gifts of God we say thank you!” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

3. Ask forgiveness from your spouse. Say, “I’m sorry.”

“Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask to forgiveness. ‘Forgive me if today I raised my voice’; ‘I’m sorry if I passed without greeting you’; ‘excuse me if I was late’.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

“Never let the sun go down without making peace! Never, never, never!” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

“It is important to have the courage to ask forgiveness when we are at fault in the family.” (Address to Participants in the Pilgrimage of Families, Rome, Oct. 26, 2013)

4. Pray together with your spouse and family.

“Praying the Our Father together, around the table, is not something extraordinary: it’s easy. And praying the Rosary together, as a family, is very beautiful and a source of great strength! And also praying for one another! The husband for his wife, the wife for her husband, both together for their children, the children for their grandparents…praying for each other. This is what it means to pray in the family and it is what makes the family strong: prayer.” (Homily for Family Day, Rome, Oct. 27, 2013)

Pray to the Lord to “multiply your love and give it to you fresh and good each day.” Pray together, “Lord, give us this day our daily love.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

5. Visit the elderly, especially your grandparents. “Grandparents are like the wisdom of the family, they are the wisdom of a people. … Listen to your grandparents.” (Address to Participants in the Pilgrimage of Families, Rome, Oct. 26, 2013)

“How important grandparents are for family life, for passing on the human and religious heritage which is so essential for each and every society!” (Angelus at World Youth Day, Rio de Janeiro, July 26, 2013)

6. Share the faith with others. “Christian families are missionary families. …They are missionary also in everyday life, in their doing everyday things, as they bring to everything the salt and the leaven of faith!” (Homily for Family Day, Rome, Oct. 27, 2013)

About the author
Bethany Meola is the Assistant Director of the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. She hopes to grow in holiness during Lent with her husband, Dan.

How To Take Young Children to Mass

Sometimes at the end of Mass a parishioner comes up to us and says “Your three children are SO well behaved!” Our standard response is either, “Thank you. We work at it” or “Thank you, some days are better than others.” The “better” days are the product of years of articles and brochures we read on taking children to Mass. Here is the distilled wisdom we rely upon.

Before Church

Make sure children are well-fed right before Mass. They do not need to fast, nor will fasting help them to be on their best behavior during Mass. We personally do not think it is appropriate to take snacks into the pew. Our exception to this is a non-spill drink cup that bought us enough time to hear the homily once in a while.
Beginning even with the smallest infants, dress them in some special clothing that they wear only for church or other special events. This does not have to be expensive and can be as simple as a nice pair of shoes. It helps them to identify what we do at Mass as different from everyday activity.
Check your diaper bag to make sure it is stocked for any possible needs. Consider including a small toy or book that your child sees only on Sunday at Mass. These should be quiet and made of soft material so that they do not distract those around you from their prayer while they are being played with or in case they are dropped.
Put on a fresh diaper or visit the bathroom right before walking out the door of your home or into the church.

For toddlers or older children

You might read the readings in the car on the way to church. This could even be the job of an older child. Then everyone hears them at least once in case someone has to step out during a portion of the Mass.
Before going into the church take a moment to remind children what you are about to do. Make sure they know what their job is at Mass. For us, we say that their job is to be quiet/still, to participate by sharing their voices and to pray. Their job is also not to distract those around them from praying.

At Church

Sit up front. Yes, sit even in the first pew if it is appropriate at your parish. It can feel scary and even a little out of control the first few times, but it makes a world of difference for little ones to be able to see the action. Over time it also helps them to understand what is most essential about Mass without the distraction of rows and rows of backsides between them and the altar.
We physically hold our children in our arms during Mass. In fact, we adopted the position that our children’s feet do not touch the ground during Mass until they are three years old. This helps in many ways. The children get a get a better view; as they grow and mature we can talk them through the stories and the actions; and we have a bit more control over their behavior. If an infant or toddler gets squirmy, often switching who is holding them is enough to calm them down. Otherwise we might play a quiet game of “point to the…candles, priest, altar, cross, etc.”
During their two-year-old year, we begin to let our children stand for a portion of Mass or try sitting next to us quietly, instead of on our laps. Then when they turn three it is a special milestone to be big enough to stand, sit and kneel all on their own (although if they can’t see over the pew we have them stand during the kneeling portions of the Eucharistic Prayer).
If an infant or toddler makes a little noise during Mass and settles down right away, try not to feel self-conscious. Most folks except for those closest to you do not even notice. And even if they do notice, give your fellow parishioners credit for being adults who can focus through a small distraction.
If a child cries or makes continual noise, it is best to calmly step out of the pew and take the child out of the main assembly until they have calmed down or are quiet. However, it is important to return to the worship space as soon as they are quiet, so that children do not begin to associate poor or disruptive behavior with a pass to get out of Mass. Just stand against the wall until it is appropriate to return to the pew. Our experience is that stepping out and returning even a few times is not nearly as disruptive as a crying baby and parishioners appreciate your consideration of their attempt to pray. Those that are parents understand completely.

After Mass

Praise your children abundantly for their good behavior.
If they need some improvement, mention briefly how they might do better next week and explain why. Let them know that you will help them by trying to remind them before the next Mass.
Answer questions children have about Mass and encourage them to understand the liturgy and its place in our lives.
For older children consider taking time to discuss the readings and the homily.

In taking our children to Mass we operate on the principle that we need to teach our children how to be in church as long as it does not distract others around us from their prayer. Some days are better than others, but the gift of passing on how we pray as Catholics is worth all of the challenges.

As parents, and leaders of our domestic church, we are responsible for forming our children in our Catholic faith. There is no more important experience to Catholics than the Mass, so it is crucial to help children understand and participate in liturgy as much as they are able. At times, it has seemed as though the only thing we accomplished at Mass was the exercise of standing and walking with a grumpy baby. But we also know that children do not remain little for long and they rise to our expectations. We will have plenty of opportunities to experience transcendent prayer at Mass when our children are teenagers or out of the house. For now, though, our primary job is to make sure they “get” what happens at Mass. We find that God has found ways to feed us, even on the most difficult of days with a teething toddler.

We acknowledge with immense gratitude Mary Ann Kuharski and Elizabeth A. Ficocelli for articles that made all the difference. Elizabeth Ficocelli’s article “Avoiding Mass Hysteria: Teaching Children to Behave in Church” was published in America Magazine. Her work can be found at www.elizabethficocelli.com.

A Special Family: Shaped by Down Syndrome, Grief and Grace

By the time our son Stephen turned seven, we were hoping to adopt another child. To our three birth children, Guy (8), Stephen (7), and Matthew (5), we had already added David (3) and Danny, whose Down syndrome no longer seemed remarkable. He had passed the ripe old age of one and, although he was developing more slowly than our four older boys, he was making strides at his own pace. Other than a small PDA (a patent ductus arteriosusa or small hole in his heart) and the croup which scared us all half to death, he was in good shape physically. (The hole eventually closed, and he outgrew the croup, thank God!) Except for the time I fed him too many carrots and turned his skin orange, we were doing a pretty good job of parenting. Danny had grown into being just another member of the family, and we felt that we could care for one more baby with special needs. Down syndrome did not seem like a disability. It was a challenge which early intervention services helped us to meet.

The following spring, we met John Francis in The New York Foundling Hospital. He was four months old. The first time I held him, he looked up at me and smiled. (I refuse to believe it was gas!) I was a sucker for cute babies, and his little face won me over. Like Danny, John Francis had a small PDA. This was not an issue, but the colostomy bag attached to his little abdomen did present some problems. I had to learn to care for it before The Foundling would release him to us, and that made me nervous. But he had that adorable little smile and I soon managed to clean out his bag, “like a pro,” one of the nurses said, as though his guardian angel was guiding my hands. Looking back now, I think perhaps he was!

Our first night at home, I had a slippery little mess on my unskilled hands. I think that was the only time I wondered about the wisdom of our decision! My sister, who was present for my struggles and frustrations, suggested that I use a meat baster to flush out his little bag. That solved my biggest problem and I continued to use that baster until his colostomy was reversed by the time he was two.

The other boys did not like the idea of the colostomy bag, although it was covered up and soon became a non-issue. They were also against us naming the baby “Francis.” They thought the kids in the neighborhood would make fun of him. I had to laugh at that. Here was this little Chinese baby with Down syndrome and a colostomy bag and they were worried about kids making fun of his name! But we compromised on that, and named him John Francis instead. To my knowledge no one has ever made fun of him or of his name!

After his slippery beginning, John Francis found himself the littlest child in a busy household. We had decided, even before adopting Danny, that our family life would not change because of the addition of children with special needs. We went to Church, took them all to McDonald’s, went shopping and on vacation. Other than toting more luggage, along with the usual baby paraphernalia plus that necessary baster, we managed. My husband took the older boys to their sporting practices and events. I stayed home with the little ones, and joined him when I could. We were a typical family, busy in the chaos of everyday life.

Russo 2 children

All of the boys got along, but Stephen took a special interest in John Francis. They were “roomies” and Stephen seemed happiest when he was holding the baby in the crook of his arm. I can still see the look of pure joy on his face as he went about the house toting John Francis with him. They went to bed and crib, as usual, on the night of February 12, 1990, but Stephen came out of his room about 10 p.m. in distress. He had a terrible headache and could not sleep. I gave him some pain reliever and put him back to bed. I could soon see that this was not an ordinary headache. We called for an ambulance and, by 3 a.m. the following morning, Stephen was dead. His undetected brain aneurism had burst suddenly, without any warning. That is what made us a “special family”: grief, not Down syndrome.

A family does not get over the death of a child. As time went on, we began to function again, but it was very difficult. The older boys mourned Stephen quietly, and my husband, Tony, sank into a deep depression. The laundry did not stop, the house did not stay clean, and the meals did not cook themselves. I managed to get through some very difficult days bearing the brunt of a loss which nearly paralyzed us all. Losing Stephen was the greatest challenge of our lives.

I knew that, in order for me to heal, I had to give myself over to something greater than my loss. It seems incredible to me now that my husband, Tony, went along with my desire to find another baby, but he did. We began to actively pursue another adoption and were led back to The New York Foundling Hospital the following year.

A baby girl with Down syndrome had been born in January of 1991. She had a large hole in her heart and lay, we were told, like a little blue doll. The agency did not want us to meet her until after her surgery. They were afraid she might not survive, and did not want us to face what would be another devastating loss. A lot of prayers were sent up to heaven during the next few months! After the surgery, we were finally called in to meet her.

Now this little bundle was a challenge of a different sort! She had not developed the ability to suck and swallow. On the positive side, her heart had healed well and her prognosis was good. I faced the daunting task of putting a tube down her nose into her tummy four times a day so that she would be able to get the nourishment she needed to thrive. I was to do that after I coaxed her to drink from a bottle, something she never quite mastered. I did not know if I was up to this task, this risk of giving our hearts to another child, at all.

After we met Maria Grace, I went to church. By then Stephen had been gone a year and a half. While sitting in the back of my parish church, I looked up at the altar, praying for guidance. There, my soul very clearly saw Stephen, holding a little baby out to me in his outstretched arms. It was as if he were offering me the gift of life. How could I reject it?

Again, angel hands seemed to guide my own as I learned to feed Maria Grace. We brought her home by the end of that week, another China doll, when she was seven months old and weighed less than eleven pounds. Matthew, our youngest birth son, had taken over Stephen’s place as “roomie” and chief holder of John Francis. I was able to devote my time to the baby’s care

Our children are now grown. Our oldest son, Guy, works in a school with a boy who has Autism. He hopes to teach full time in September. Matthew worked in a Day Program with adults with special needs for three years and is looking forward to teaching Social Studies in the fall. David was a “Buddy” with United Cerebral Palsy and also “buddied” while he served in the army. He will graduate from college this May. Danny and John Francis both go to work daily in Hub Sites, gathering places from which adults with special needs go out to serve as volunteers in the community. Maria Grace also volunteers at a Hub Site. This only daughter of mine has grown into a confident 23-year-old who has the ability to keep us all in our places. Even the dogs! Down syndrome has not been a disability for us. It has been, instead, the lens through which we, my husband and I and all of our children, have learned to love each other. You can see our story on YouTube at “What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Baby with Down Syndrome”. I hope that the smiling faces it contains suggest that Down syndrome is a gift, like life itself.

How has it been raising a family in which three members have Down syndrome? It has been a gift to treasure – and to share!

An Adoption Love Story

Note: Adoption is a wonderful gift. Though sometimes portrayed in negative ways by the media, most experiences of adoption are beautiful love stories—such as the one Jenny* shares below.

My husband Bill and I have been married for six years. Having children and raising a family had always been our expectation. By the time we were married, most of our siblings and friends already had children, so of course we were excited and ready to be parents ourselves. We soon learned, however, that having children of our own might not be so easy.

We made a few trips to multiple cities to be treated by wonderful doctors who have helped so many couples conceive, but everything we tried was unsuccessful. We felt so hopeless at times. Words can’t even explain this experience of loss.

Fortunately, our marriage only grew stronger, because we were there for each other and continued to rely on God. This didn’t always come easily, but it helped that Bill has a great sense of humor, and we were able to laugh at some of the crazy situations and conversations that come with infertility.

Since we knew our chances of becoming pregnant were small, it wasn’t very long before we started talking about the possibility of adoption. However, it wasn’t an easy decision, and I wondered if my heart was big enough to love an adopted child as I would my biological child. There were also so many other variables to consider, one of which was the expense involved, and we had already spent so much money on infertility treatments. We felt we had no control, but God reminded us again that He is always in control and that we could trust in Him.

So with prayerful discernment, we decided to start the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. However, after it took nearly a year to get on the waiting list, the adoption program was put on hold for reasons that were unknown to us.

We were so frustrated that we started to feel as though maybe we just weren’t called to have children. We then heard from friends who had adopted a newborn baby domestically after only a few short months. With this new encouragement, we switched gears and decided to adopt domestically, picking a nationwide agency rather than a state agency because it is usually faster.

We were so excited but also rather scared. We would be chosen by a birthmother and would be required to send pictures and letters to her frequently. Most likely, we would talk with the birthmother over the phone and meet her at the delivery. And there was always the chance she could change her mind, even days after the birth. I didn’t know how I would feel about all this and wondered if we were setting ourselves up for more heartbreak. But all we could do was pray and try to leave it in God’s hands.

Four months later, we received a call that a birthmother in Florida had chosen us. She was seven months pregnant with a boy. We couldn’t believe it. We were finally going to have a baby. We talked with her a couple of times over the phone, and I never realized until then how lucky I was to marry such a talker, as Bill really helped the conversations flow smoothly.

On the birthmother’s due date, we received the call that she was in labor. Bill and I dropped everything and hit the road to Florida to meet our son. Words can’t even describe how we felt during that drive. We were so excited at the thought that we could be driving home with our son, yet at the same time we were so scared that we may be driving home alone. I wasn’t sure we could handle that disappointment, and I wondered what she would think of us. Would she regret that she chose us? What would I say to the woman who was going to place her child with us? Along with these and all the normal fears of becoming a parent, I was also afraid that I wouldn’t bond with our new son or feel that he was ours.

After arriving, we met the birthmother who was still in labor. She was so sweet and personable, and we sat with her to support her as best we could. A few hours later, our son Andrew was born. It was the most surreal experience.

We spent the next day and a half with Andrew and his birthmother in the hospital getting to know each other a bit. It was hard to know what to say to her, knowing she was making the hardest decision of her life, knowing the pain she must be experiencing, and feeling that I was the one causing this pain. It was such an emotional roller coaster to hold and look at this precious baby, wondering if I would really be his mother.

Thankfully, the birthmother decided to maintain her decision to place her child with us. Later that evening, Christmas Eve, Bill and I left the hospital with Andrew. It didn’t take long before there was no doubt in our minds that he was our son, the greatest gift from God! He really is our Christmas miracle.

Andrew is two years old now, and it is so clear to Bill and me that God picked him for us. We can’t imagine loving a child whom we conceived more than we love Andrew. It is amazing how he fits our personalities so well. More and more every day we are so thankful to his birthmother for her selfless decision.

It is so hard to express in words what a unique experience adoption has been for us. It has been quite a journey facing infertility, as well as so many unknowns and acts of kindness and sacrifice—all with so many emotions—which led to the growth of our family. There were times when our faith was shaken and we weren’t sure if we could handle our cross. But adopting Andrew has made us more aware of God’s power and of his love for us. We realize that he always has a perfect plan for our lives.

About the authors
Jenny and Bill (all names have been changed for privacy) would like to encourage you be open to the gift of adoption. Is God calling you to consider adopting a child or placing your child for adoption? To learn more information, contact your diocesan office.

Reprinted from Respect Life Program, Copyright © 2014, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Washington, D.C. All rights reserved. Additional resources and ordering information is available at www.usccb.org/respectlife.

Five Suggestions for Holy Week

Palm Sunday marks the beginning of the most solemn week of the Church’s liturgical year. During Holy Week, the Church celebrates the mysteries of salvation accomplished by Christ in the last days of his earthly life, beginning with the triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

For nearly 40 days the Christian faithful have practiced the disciplines of Lent: prayer, fasting and good works. Now the Church invites us to an even deeper spirit of prayer as we follow Christ on his journey to the cross.

Here are five suggestions for couples to use this week as an opportunity to grow in holiness as individuals and as a couple.

1. What do you do with the palm branches you bring home from Palm Sunday Mass? Consider a simple ceremony to place them in your home. See below for a suggested ritual.

2. During the week pray the Seven Penitential Psalms together. These are especially appropriate during Lent. Prayerfully reciting these psalms helps us to recognize our sinfulness, express our sorrow and ask for God’s forgiveness.

3. Celebrate the Sacrament of Penance if you haven’t already done so during Lent. Many parishes have extra hours and/or communal penance services during Holy Week.

4. Attend a service together on Holy Thursday and/or Good Friday. On Thursday, the Church recalls the Last Supper and Jesus’ gift of His Body and Blood. On Friday, parishes hold services to celebrate the Passion of the Lord; many have Stations of the Cross as well.

5. On Holy Saturday, pray for those who will be received into the Catholic Church during the Easter Vigil. Pray, too, for a deepening of your own faith and the grace to endure the suffering and celebrate the joys of married life.

A SUGGESTED RITUAL FOR PLACING PALM BRANCHES IN THE HOME

After dinner or at another time on Palm Sunday, the household gathers where the palms have been placed, perhaps near a crucifix or the family Bible.

All make the sign of the cross. The leader begins:

Hosanna in the highest!

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

R/. Hosanna in the highest!

The leader may use these or similar words to introduce the prayer:

We have come to the last days of Lent. Today we heard the reading of the Passion. That story will remain with us as we leave Lent behind on Holy Thursday and enter into the Three Days when we celebrate the mystery of Christ’s passing through suffering and death to life at God’s right hand.

Listen to the words of the second Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians: 4:10-11:

[We are] always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

Reader: The Word of the Lord.

R/. Thanks be to God.

After a time of silence, members of the household join in prayers of intercession. The intercessions are followed by the Lord’s Prayer. The leader continues:

Let us pray.

Blessed are you, God of Israel, so rich in love and mercy.
Let these branches ever remind us of Christ’s triumph.
May we who bear them rejoice in his Cross
and sing your praise forever and ever.

R/. Amen.

The leader concludes:

Let us bless the Lord.

All respond, making the sign of the cross:

Thanks be to God.

A Bittersweet Bucket List

Usually when people say that a goal is on their “bucket list” it means that sometime in the as-yet-unplanned, perhaps even distant, future, they’ll hopefully get around to doing something they always wanted to do before they die: memory-making, picture-taking adventures like hang-gliding, traveling to an exotic land, or even writing one’s first novel.

But today I learned about a very different bucket list. Dan and Jenna Haley, young, faith-filled parents from Philadelphia, are expecting their first-born child next month. In April, they learned that their son, Shane Michael, has anencephaly which means that he is missing parts of his brain and possibly skull, and so is not expected to live long. Depending on the severity of his condition, doctors say he may survive as little as a few hours or may live over a year. To celebrate him during Jenna’s pregnancy, they crafted a bucket list of their own favorite things to do. In a local news story, Dan said: “Most families wait until their baby is born to start making memories and traveling to places with them. We…knew that our time with our son could be very limited, so we wanted to make the most of the time that we had with him.”

At the time of this writing, Shane Michael is 35 weeks old in Jenna’s womb, and has been with his parents to many of the places that were significant to them as children: zoos, Delaware beaches, and an aquarium. He’s ridden the famous Wildwood, NJ, ferris wheel, attended family baseball games, and been with his praying parents at the shrines of St. John Neumann and St. Rita. He’s “met” the Phillies and the Flyers, enjoyed Geno’s cheesesteaks, and made a field trip up to New York City, where they visited the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building, among other sites. He and his parents were also honored by friends and family members with a “shower of love” – a different kind of baby shower surrounding these courageous parents with encouragement and support, as well as affection for their little, severely disabled boy.

The Haleys have openly shared their adventures with over 100,000 followers on their “Prayers for Shane” Facebook page. They write: “We are asking for your prayers and support and that God grants us as much time as possible with our beautiful son. Shane has already proven to us that each day must be lived to the fullest and that is exactly what our little family is doing.”

What an incredible witness to the dignity of life! This beautiful couple resisted not only any pressure to abort Shane because of his medical condition, but also the temptation to hide him from the world. Their story shows that every person deserves to be loved. In sharing their bittersweet journey with others, they have shared their son Shane Michael with a huge community who, in turn, have rallied around the couple in their joys, sorrows, and fears. May their story be an encouragement to other families facing adverse prenatal diagnoses.

About the author
Deirdre A. McQuade is Assistant Director for Policy & Communications at the Secretariat of Pro-Life Activities, U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. This article originally appeared in the Life Issues Forum and is reposted by permission.

Love Is Our Mission: The Family Fully Alive

Earlier this week, I had the pleasure of making public Pope Francis’ theme for next year’s World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia: Love is our mission: the family fully alive. The theme was inspired by the words of the early Church Father, St. Irenaeus, who said that “the glory of God is man fully alive.” In like manner, the glory of men and women is their capacity to love as God loves. And rarely can that love be lived out more intimately and fruitfully than in the family.

As we begin the “heavy lifting” to prepare for the World Meeting of Families and a possible papal visit, it’s a good moment to pause and reflect.

Every moment of every day, a mother and father are teaching and guiding each other and their children, while witnessing about their love to the world beyond their home. The structure of marriage — if lived faithfully — naturally points a man and woman outward toward the world, as well as inward toward one another and their children. As Augustine once said: “To be faithful in little things is a big thing.”

Simply by living their vocation, a husband and wife become the most important living cell of society. Marriage is the foundation and guarantee of the family. And the family is the foundation and guarantee of society.

It’s within the intimate community of the family that a son knows he is loved and has value. In observing her parents, a daughter first learns basic values like loyalty, honesty and selfless concern for others, which build up the character of the wider society. Truth is always most persuasive, not when we read about it in a book or hear about it in a classroom, but when we see it incarnated in the actions of our parents.

Marriage and family safeguard our most basic sense of community, because within the family, the child grows up in a web of tightly connected rights and responsibilities to other people. It also protects our individual identity, because it surrounds the child with a mantle of privacy and personal devotion. Most of the laws concerning marriage in our culture were originally developed precisely to protect family members from the selfishness and lack of love so common in wider society.

The family is the human person’s single most important sanctuary from mistaken models of love, misguided notions of sexual relationships and destructive ideas about self‑fulfillment. All these painful things, unchecked, can be a centrifugal force pulling families apart.

Love is a counter-force. Love is the glue both for family and society. This is why love is the fundamental mission of the family. It’s why the family must be a sanctuary of love. We most easily understand love when we, ourselves, are the fruit of our parents’ tenderness. We most easily believe in fidelity when we see it modeled by our father and mother.

Love lived generously is the unanswerable argument for God — and also for the dignity of the human heart. And marriage is transformed and fulfilled when spouses cooperate with God in the creation of new life. A husband and wife are completed by sharing in God’s procreative gift of life to their children, who are new and unique images of God.

In my years as a priest and bishop, I’ve seen again and again that the human heart is made for truth. People are hungry for the truth; and they’ll choose it, if it’s presented clearly and with conviction. Therein lies the need for every Christian marriage to be engaged in preaching by example. A husband and wife who model a love for Jesus Christ within their family — who pray and worship together with their children and read the Scriptures — become a beacon for other couples. They also more easily acquire an outward-looking zeal for consciously spreading the Gospel to others, teaching the faith and doing good apostolic works.

Our God is the God of life, abundance, deliverance and joy. And we’re his missionaries by nature and by mandate. In a developed world increasingly indifferent or hostile to God, no Catholic family can afford to be lukewarm about the Church. No culture is so traditionally “Christian” that it’s heard enough about Jesus Christ, or safe from the unbelief and disregard for human dignity which mark our age.

Catholic families have a key role in God’s healing of a broken world. So let’s pray for each other — beginning right now — that the World Meeting of Families 2015 will become for each of us and all of Philadelphia a new Pentecost; a new birth of the Church in each of our hearts … for our own salvation, the salvation of our families and the redemption of the world.

Source: Originally posted in Archbishop Chaput’s column on CatholicPhilly.com on May 15th, 2014.

Learning Love: The Theology of the Body and the Family (Part 2)

Learning Love: Theology of the Body and the Family (Part 1)

Saint John Paul II’s catechesis on the human person and love, commonly known as the Theology of the Body, has developed an ever-growing following and continues to captivate the attention of young and old, religious and lay, married and single persons throughout the world. There are many different ways to learn about this teaching: through programs, courses, personal study, and group reflection. However, there is one place that serves as an excellent classroom for the Theology of the Body: the family.

The family is the domestic Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “The home is the first school of the Christian life where all learn love, repeated forgiveness, and prayerful worship” (no. 1666). It is in the context of our families that we first learn love. One way in which families can accomplish this formation in love is to take steps to live out the Theology of the Body in the home.

This might seem like a daunting task, but teaching your family about the Theology of the Body does not necessarily mean sitting them down and explaining the eschaton (the “end times”) or talking about sex, although that is part of it. Teaching your family the Theology of the Body is no more or less than teaching them that they are loved and called to love.

As a fundamental anthropology of the human person, John Paul II’s Theology of the Body is not meant only for those who are married but for all members of the human race, no matter their age, relationship status or vocation. Theologically, there are many complex aspects of this teaching, but we do not all have to be theologians or scholars to understand the core principles or to live them out in our homes and our lives. Here are a few examples of how the Theology of the Body can be lived out in the home.

The Goodness and Beauty of the Body

“God created man in his image; in the image of God he created him.” (Gen 1:27)

Recognizing the goodness and beauty of the body is the first step to living out the Theology of the Body. In the first part of his catechesis on the Theology of the Body, St. John Paul II reflects on the creation accounts found in Genesis, and he reflects on the fact that man was created by God in His image and likeness and was deemed “good” by God (Gen 1:31). As a creation of God, the body is good and should be cared for and respected by ourselves and others.

The Incarnation further dignifies the human body since through His Incarnation, Christ entered the world with a body that is like our own bodies. As the Second Vatican Council said in a section often quoted by John Paul II, “Only in the mystery of the incarnate Word does the mystery of man take on light.…Christ, the final Adam…fully reveals man to man himself and makes his supreme calling clear” (Gaudium et Spes, no. 22).

Affirming the body’s beauty and dignity does not necessarily mean telling someone that they look “beautiful” in terms of worldly standards, but rather assuring them that they are beautiful as a unique creation of God. As family members’ bodies change over time, it is especially important to emphasize the goodness of the body and the ways in which it reflects Christ in a very real way. This teaches them that as their bodies – and the bodies of others – change for better or for worse, they are not losing any of their worth.

Affirming the goodness of the body also means proclaiming the goodness of your own body. It is often easier to see the goodness and beauty of others, but when it comes time to recognize it in ourselves, suddenly we are left with nothing good to say. As a good and beautiful creation of God, each one of us is called to accept our bodies, as a man or as a woman, and to care for them.

The Language of the Body

“The body is…the means of the expression of man as an integral whole, of the person, which reveals itself through ‘the language of the body.’” (TOB 123:2)

Very often, we are unconscious of the messages that we are sending with our bodies, yet they are powerful tools of communication. As St. John Paul II said, “Through sexual union the body speaks a ‘language’…this language must be spoken in truth” (TOB 106.3). But this language is not solely spoken through the sexual union. Our bodies can communicate how we feel about ourselves, those we are with, the situation we are in, our mood and countless other messages.

We must become conscious of this language and use it in a way that communicates the love of God and recognizes the beauty and dignity of each human person. Try to recognize the messages that your family members are sending to you through their body language, and the messages that you are sending to them. Having a discussion about this can bring your family to an awareness of the language of the body.

Simple things such as looking up from your phone during a conversation, making eye contact, and dressing both modestly and appropriately for the occasion, all communicate that you recognize the dignity of the person(s) before you and recognize that they too are made in the image and likeness of God and are worthy of love and service.

Emily Stimpson’s book These Beautiful Bones: An Everyday Theology of the Body beautifully elaborates on how manners, dress codes, and body language can be simple ways of living out the Theology of the Body in our everyday lives.

Next: Part Two.

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