Tag Archives: Church Teaching

Why Marry in the Catholic Church?

If you are beginning to dream about getting married you may also be thinking about where to hold your wedding ceremony. Every couple wants their wedding to be a memorable event and wants the ceremony to have a special meaning. The wedding day is one of the most important days in a couple’s life. You probably have friends who have found very creative ways to celebrate this day. Some may have selected natural settings such as beaches or mountains, or intimate settings such a parent’s or a friend’s home.

If you and/or your fiance(e) is Catholic, you are expected to marry in a Catholic church unless you have received permission to marry elsewhere. But marrying in a church is much more than an obligation. It’s an opportunity to hold a celebration that is joyful and meaningful, one that can have a positive impact on the rest of your married life.

What can be more romantic than the centuries old tradition of walking down the aisle in a parish church full of family and friends? What is more reassuring for the couple than being surrounded by the people who love them and who will give them ongoing support? What is more meaningful than reciting wedding vows handed down by Christian tradition? What is more awe inspiring than a rite through which you enter a spiritual reality where God unites you as husband and wife and gives you an important mission?

In the Catholic tradition, husband and wife accept a role in God’s plan for humanity. They are to be ambassadors of God’s love. Through their love for each other they show God’s deep love for us, and they collaborate with God to keep humanity alive. The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament, a vehicle for God’s graces to the couple and to the community.

The Vow of Permanence

The focal point of any wedding ceremony is the exchange of vows. The vows are not simply a ritual that defines the relationship of two people in love. They are much more. They are a sacred pact through which the spouses embrace each other and, together, embrace Christ as their partner. The pledge they make is unbreakable because through their union with Christ they participate in the unbreakable pact between God and humanity: the covenant that was sealed in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

A permanent commitment is an inherent attribute of the marital relationship. All couples who marry want their marriage to last a lifetime. Researchers tell us that the presence of an irrevocable commitment contributes to the happiness of the spouses. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, the authors of The Case for Marriage, write: “Having a partner who is committed for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, makes people happier and healthier.”

But married life is difficult and today many couples find it hard to keep their promises. Many young people have grown up experiencing the pain of divorce. While wanting to marry, they find it hard to believe that marriages can last a lifetime. They are afraid to commit. One of the benefits of a sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church is the power of God’s grace, which helps spouses keep their commitment and find happiness together. Social scientists are finding that couples who recognize God’s presence in their relationship are most satisfied in their marriages and are least likely to put their children, families and friends through the pain of a divorce.

Experiencing God’s Grace

Couples of faith are more successful and satisfied in marriage not because they have fewer problems than anyone else. What helps these couples grow and overcome obstacles is the help they find in God’s grace. Recently we asked some couples: “How do you experience God’s grace in your marriage?”

A wife married 28 years said: “We experience God’s grace in our marriage through the seasons of our life. He was present when we were newlyweds, when we had young children, and he is present now that we are empty nesters. He gives us strength in the tough times and celebrates with us the good times.”

A husband married 43 years said, “I experience God’s grace in the love and support I receive from my wife. Her care and patience are gifts I do not deserve. They are grace.”

Another husband married 15 years said, “I feel God’s grace when life gets out of control — loss of a job. I know I can turn to God and find the courage I need to carry on.”

A wife married 20 years said, “There are times when we are having an argument and we go to church still upset with each other. We hear a reading that speaks right to us. We look at each other and smirk because we know that God has touched our stubbornness. This is grace.”

God’s grace is all around because the spouses do not travel their journey alone. Blessed Pope John Paul II said: “Jesus does not stand by and leave you alone to face the challenge. He is always with you to transform your weakness into strength. Trust him when he says: ‘My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ (2 Cor. 12:9)”

Marriage in the Catholic Church is attractive not only because of its meaningful rituals and traditions, but because of its impact on your life and happiness. Couples can fully appreciate its value they look at married life through the eyes of faith. Then you will see your wedding not as a one-day event but as the door to a great adventure that will last the rest of your life, a journey that involves not just you and your spouse but one that includes God, your children, your community and all of society. Marriage is not an isolated relationship. The family based on marriage is the fundamental cell of human society. The Catholic Church invites you to give meaning to your life by embracing the vocation of marriage and forming a family that is dedicated to cultivating and sharing God’s love.

When you are ready to make your commitment, speak to your pastor and ask for his guidance on preparing for such a noble vocation.

Everything You Wanted to Ask About Marriage–And Beyond

Basic Church Teachings About Marriage

Why does the Church teach that marriage is a sacrament?
The sacraments make Christ present in our midst. Like the other sacraments, marriage is not just for the good of individuals, or the couple, but for the community as a whole. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament. The Old Testament prophets saw the marriage of a man and woman as a symbol of the covenant relationship between God and his people. The permanent and exclusive union between husband and wife mirrors the mutual commitment between God and his people. The Letter to the Ephesians says that this union is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Do Catholics ever validly enter into non-sacramental marriages?
Yes. Marriages between Catholics and non-Christians, while they may still be valid in the eyes of the Church, are non-sacramental. With permission, a priest or deacon may witness such marriages.

What is the difference between a valid and an invalid Catholic marriage?
Just as individual states have certain requirements for civil marriage (e.g., a marriage license, blood tests), the Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.

If a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic, how can they assure that the marriage is recognized by the Church?
In addition to meeting the criteria for a valid Catholic marriage (see question #3), the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, this permission is called a “permission to enter into a mixed marriage.” If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a “dispensation from disparity of cult.” Those helping to prepare the couple for marriage can assist with the permission process.

Why does a Catholic wedding have to take place in a church?
For Catholics, marriage is not just a social or family event, but a church event. For this reason, the Church prefers that marriages between Catholics, or between Catholics and other Christians, be celebrated in the parish church of one of the spouses. Only the local bishop can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

If a Catholic wishes to marry in a place outside the Catholic church, how can he or she be sure that the marriage is recognized by the Catholic Church as valid?
The local bishop can permit a wedding in another church, or in another suitable place, for a sufficient reason. For example, a Catholic seeks to marry a Baptist whose father is the pastor of the local Baptist church. The father wants to officiate at the wedding. In these circumstances, the bishop could permit the couple to marry in the Baptist church. The permission in these instances is called a “dispensation from canonical form.”

If two Catholics or a Catholic and non-Catholic are married invalidly in the eyes of the church, what should they do about it?
They should approach their pastor and explain the situation. He can work with them to try to resolve it.

When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, must the non-Catholic promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith?
The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.

Is it required that a wedding celebration have expensive flowers, clothes and other accompaniments?
The Rite of Marriage makes no reference to any of these cultural elements. The focus of the couple should be on the celebration of the sacrament. Pastors repeatedly point out that a couple do not have to postpone the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage because they cannot afford such things. See Budgeting for Your Wedding.

How much does it cost to get married in the Catholic Church?
Dioceses often regulate the stipend, or offering to the church, that is customary on the occasion of a wedding. Depending on different areas, this might also include the fee for the organist and vocalist. In a situation of true financial difficulty, couples can come to an agreement with their pastors so that true financial hardship will never prevent a Catholic marriage from taking place. For more information, see How Much Does it Cost to Marry in the Catholic Church?

What is a Nuptial Mass and when can a couple have one?
A Nuptial Mass is a Mass which includes the celebration of the sacrament of marriage. It has special readings and prayers suitable to the Sacrament of Marriage. The Sacrament of Marriage between two baptized Catholics should normally be celebrated within Mass.

If the situation warrants it and the local bishop gives permission, a Nuptial Mass may be celebrated for a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized person who is not a Catholic, except that Communion is not given to the non-Catholic since the general law of the church does not allow it. In such instances, it is better to use the appropriate ritual for marriage outside Mass. This is always the case in a marriage between a baptized Catholic and a non-baptized person.

Marriage Preparation in the Catholic Church

What should a couple do when they decide they wish to marry in the Catholic Church?
They should contact their parish as soon as possible and make an appointment to talk with the priest, deacon or staff person who is responsible for preparing couples for marriage. This person will explain the process of marriage preparation and the various programs that are offered.

Why does the church require engaged couples to participate in a marriage preparation program?
Marriage preparation offers couples the opportunity to develop a better understanding of Christian marriage; to evaluate and deepen their readiness to live married life; and to gain insights into themselves as individuals and as a couple. It is especially effective in helping couples to deal with the challenges of the early years of marriage.

What kinds of marriage preparation programs does the church offer?
Depending on the diocese and the parish, several may be available. Programs include a weekend program with other couples, such as Catholic Engaged Encounter, a series of sessions in large or small groups or meetings with an experienced married couple. Some programs may be offered in Spanish and other languages. Specific programs address particular circumstances, such as remarriage, children brought into the marriage and marriage to a non-Catholic. As part of their preparation, many couples complete a premarital inventory, such as FOCCUS, to identify issues for further discussion.

What key issues are covered in marriage preparation?
Marriage preparation programs help couples to understand the Christian and the human aspects of marriage. Typical topics include: the meaning of marriage as a sacrament; faith, prayer and the church; roles in marriage; communication and conflict resolution; children, parenthood and Natural Family Planning; finances; and family of origin.

Is there a cost for marriage preparation programs?
Most programs charge a modest fee to cover the cost of materials. Programs that require an overnight stay will include an additional cost for rooms and meals. Assistance is frequently available for couples who would otherwise be unable to participate.

Marriage Enrichment and Support

Does the church offer any programs to help couples to improve their marriage?
Yes. Peer ministry for married couples is widespread. Many couples meet in parish-based small groups; ministries such as Teams of Our Lady, Couples for Christ, and Christian Family Movement also use the small group approach. The Marriage Enrichment Weekend Program is offered in several states. Some parishes sponsor a retreat day or evening of reflection for married couples. Others offer a mentoring system that matches older couples with younger ones. Throughout the country, many couples participate in Marriage Encounter, which offers a weekend experience and ongoing community support.

What can a couple do if their marriage is in trouble?
Parish priests, deacons and other pastoral ministers are available to talk to couples and to refer them to counselors and programs that can assist them. Retrouvaille (Ree-tru-VEYE) is an effective program that helps to heal and renew marriages in serious trouble. The Third Option is another program that is available in some parts of the country. For more information see Finding Help When Your Marriage Is In Trouble.

Annulments

What is an annulment?
An annulment is a declaration by a tribunal (Catholic church court) that a marriage thought to be valid according to Church law actually fell short of at least one of the essential elements required for a binding union (see question #3). Unlike civil divorce, an annulment does not erase something that was already there, but rather it is a declaration that a valid marriage was never actually brought about on the wedding day. A declaration of nullity does not deny that a relationship ever existed between the couple, or that the spouses truly loved one another.

How can a couple married 20 years get an annulment?
The annulment process examines the events leading up to, and at the time of, the wedding ceremony, in an effort to determine whether what was required for a valid marriage was ever brought about. While a marriage of 20 years provides evidence that a couple had some capacity for a life-long commitment, the duration of their relationship in itself does not prove or negate the existence of the marriage bond.

If a marriage is annulled, are the children from it considered illegitimate?
No. A declaration of nullity has no effect on the legitimacy of children, since the child’s mother and father were presumed to be married at the time that the child was born.

Are annulments expensive?
Fees associated with the annulment process vary within the U.S. Most tribunals charge between $200 and $1,000 for a standard nullity case. Fees are typically payable over time, and may be reduced or even eliminated in cases of financial difficulty. Other expenses may be incurred when consultation with medical, psychological, or other experts is needed.

How long does it take to get an annulment?
It usually takes 12 to 18 months to complete the entire process.

Catholic Social Teaching: Subsidiarity

Twenty years ago, the Soviet Union imploded. Since then, all sorts of reasons have been given for its collapse: Ronald Reagan’s defense policies, Mikhail Gorbachev’s foresight, Pope John Paul II’s charisma, the anemic Soviet economy, to name a few.

But one cause that seems most persuasive, a cause cited by Pope John Paul himself, is the Soviet failure to develop a civil society. The Soviet Union consisted of the all-powerful state and the powerless individual. Nothing in between.

What is a civil society? It is the accumulation, over centuries, of all sorts of institutions: economic, social, cultural, sports-oriented, recreational, professional and political.

Some thinkers have called such groups, “mediating institutions,” in that they come between government and the individual and protect the individual from the power of the state. The role of government is not to usurp the prerogative of these institutions but to support them.

It is the principle of subsidiarity that underlies the right of individuals to associate with other like-minded people and to organize themselves into groups, a right that was denied by the Soviet Union. This right is a natural right, a right that is not the government’s to extend but is the birthright of every human being. In the words of the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, “it is impossible to promote the dignity of the person without showing concern for such groups.”

As a principle, it was first formulated in 1931, in the midst of the Great Depression. Pope Pius XI issued a major social encyclical, Quadragesimo Anno, which took issue with the centralization of political and economic power at the time. He envisioned the practice of subsidiarity as the way to restore civil society.

“Just as it is gravely wrong to take from individuals what they can accomplish by their own initiative and industry and give it to the community,” he wrote, “so also it is an injustice and at the same time a grave evil and disturbance of right order to assign to a greater and higher association what lesser and subordinate organizations can do.”

At the base of civil society is the family, the first and most natural institution. The family is where people learn to grow, to take responsibility. It is the first school of work, as any 12-year old who is asked to clean his room or mow the lawn can testify to. And most recently, during a time of economic upheaval, it is the one group that will take you in when you can’t find an affordable home.

The family may be civil society’s most basic institution, but society encompasses all sorts of institutions, from churches and schools to soccer and bowling leagues. In fact it was the decline of participation in bowling leagues over a 50-year period that inspired Robert Putnam, a Harvard political scientist, to track a decline in America’s social capital. The number of Americans who bowl has increased, but the number who bowl in leagues has declined. People grow primarily through their relationships with others, and if Americans spend all their time alone with their computers or alone in the bowling alleys, America’s civil society, and Americans themselves, will suffer as a result.

Subsidiarity does not stand in opposition to government. Some political thinkers, Thomas Paine and Henry David Thoreau, to name two, subscribed to the theory that government which governs least governs best. That is not the intent of subsidiarity, which maintains that every problem should be handled by the institution most competent to deal with it, while giving priority to the institution that is closest to the problem. Moreover, subsidiarity requires that those who are affected by policies have a voice in developing those policies.

Subsidiarity is a principle that can benefit not only society but government itself. In fact, it probably helps to visualize this principle by thinking of the way the United States is governed. Washington shares power with the states, which in turn share power with counties, cities and towns. If you want to report a broken water main, it’s a whole lot more efficient to get a hold of your local public works agency than to inform an agency in Washington. On the other hand, some things need to be done by a national government, like diplomacy and national defense.

Government at all levels has responsibility for the common good, the conditions under which true civil society is fostered. When individuals or groups use their power to weaken the social fabric, it’s the role of government to step in. For example, presidents and congresses have used the power of the federal government to confront the power of both large corporations and large labor unions when they felt that the common good was being undermined. The Supreme Court has supported individuals when their rights were violated by state and local governments.

The Church’s social teaching, as related in the Compendium, maintains that all human beings have an equal dignity, and that government has a special responsibility for serving the needs of the poor and most vulnerable. But at the same time, the Church opposes “certain forms of centralization, bureaucratization, and welfare assistance” when they “lead to a loss of human energies” and “are dominated more by bureaucratic ways of thinking than by concern for serving their clients.”

Is there a golden mean between the helping hand of government and the heavy hand of government? Subsidiarity, rightly understood, is the Church’s answer.

But the principle, and the civil society it fosters, won’t flourish unless citizens participate in their communities. True subsidiarity depends on the willingness of people to become active participants in civil society, to engage with contemporary cultural and social issues, and to help order them according to God’s will.

Learn more about Catholic Social Teaching.

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter who worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress.

Catholic Social Teaching: Human Dignity

Years ago I knew a man who was a model of dignity. Every year he hosted a Christmas party in his beautiful home, alongside his beautiful wife and family. He was poised, sophisticated, and thoroughly conversant with world issues. If I ever knew a man who was dignified, I thought, this was the guy.

I continued to think that until the police came to his house one day and arrested him for criminal activity in the business he ran. Away to prison he went, and away with him went my conception of what it meant to be dignified.

Human dignity is more fundamental than such attributes as poise or titles or wealth or intellect. It is a quality shared by every human being. An emaciated Somali child in a refugee camp shares this dignity just as much as a member of the British royal family.

From the moment of conception, all of us have an intrinsic dignity by virtue of being created “in the image of God;” by being endowed with a soul, which, among other things, gives us the ability to reason and make free choices in life; and by having a destiny, if we choose to seek it, of living eternally in the presence of God.

Human Dignity and Human Rights

Human dignity implies human rights, a respect accorded to all human beings, whether rich or poor, young or old. In other words, human rights are shared in equal measure by all people.

The most basic human right is the right to life. It is enshrined in the Ten Commandments with the injunction: “Thou shalt not kill.” It is the first right mentioned in America’s Declaration of Independence. It implies more than mere survival. It means a life free from servitude and a life that includes whatever spiritual and material means are necessary for living a life of dignity. If living in luxury is not a sign of human dignity, neither is living in destitution conducive to it.

A second basic human right is the preservation of family life. The family is the original and fundamental unit in society. Within the family, wrote Pope John Paul II, young people receive their “first formative ideas about truth and goodness, and (learn) what it means to love and to be loved, and thus what it actually means to be a person.” The family is such a vital cell of society and so important for personal growth that one of the most powerful arguments against slavery in the 19th Century was the breakup of slave families.

A third fundamental right is the right to own property. Private property gives individuals and families some form of protection from the world outside, a sphere of self-determination that is necessary to be fully human. The old saying, “A man’s home is his castle,” suggests not only the pride he takes in ownership but the legal fortification needed to preserve his family’s protection and independence. Property is also what workers earn from the fruits of their labor. To take away their property is to steal from them what they rightfully earned. A telling argument against servitude is that slaves have nothing they can call their own, that they receive no real compensation for the work they do.

A fourth basic human right is the right of association. People naturally associate with one another, whether in families, churches, political parties, social clubs or professional organizations. In such groups, people find others who share their interests and ideals, who help protect their freedoms and nurture their talents. For example, Catholic social teaching has long supported the right of workers to form unions. Such groups give individuals the ability to protect their own interests and to stand up to wealth and power.

Personal Responsibility

Human rights are an essential part of human dignity. But human dignity also implies personal responsibility.

A free will is one of the key attributes of human dignity. In modern terms, freedom means the ability to do as you please. Catholic teaching has a more profound understanding of freedom. It’s based on the understanding that many of the things we do have a moral component; that is, they tend to be good or evil.

A well-known psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, spent three years at Auschwitz and other Nazi prisons. In writing the story of his imprisonment, he proposed a Statue of Responsibility to be erected on the West Coast. This statue, he suggested, would complement and balance the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast. He saw what happened when a group of men arrogated to themselves the freedom and the power to decide what is good and what is evil.

According to the Book of Genesis, write the authors of the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Catholic Church, “the power to decide good and evil does not belong to man but to God alone.”

As the creator of the world and the people in it, God knows what leads to true happiness and what leads to misery. That knowledge has its expression in God’s moral law. People find their true fulfillment when they accept that law. And “by deviating from the moral law,” says the Church’s Catechism, “man violates his own freedom, becomes imprisoned within himself, disrupts neighborly fellowship and rebels against divine truth.”

Human dignity is the birthright of every man and woman. It is inalienable, meaning it cannot be taken away by any person or institution. But it is also a foundation that can be built upon.

Learn more about Catholic Social Teaching.

About the author
Tim Lanigan is a retired speechwriter who worked for corporate chief executives, a Secretary of the Treasury, and members of both houses of Congress.

What Does the Church Say About Contraception?

What does the Catholic Church teach about married love?
Marriage is an intimate, lifelong partnership in which husbands and wives give and receive love unselfishly. The sexual relationship expresses their married love and shows what it means to become “one body” (Genesis 2:24) and “one flesh” (Mark 10:8, Matthew 19:6). The sexual union is meant to express the full meaning of a couple’s love, its power to bind them together “the unitive aspect of marriage “and “its openness to new life” the procreative aspect.

What does this have to do with contraception?
The Church believes that God has established an inseparable bond between the unitive and procreative aspects of marriage. The couple has promised to give themselves to each other, and this mutual self-giving includes the gift of their fertility. This means that each sexual act in a marriage needs to be open to the possibility of conceiving a child. “Thus, artificial contraception is contrary to God’s will for marriage because it separates the act of conception from sexual union” (United States Catholic Catechism for Adults, p. 409).

A couple need not desire to conceive a child in every act of intercourse. But they should never suppress the life-giving power that is part of what they pledged in their marriage vows.

Are couples expected to leave their family size entirely to chance?
No. Serious circumstances “financial, physical, psychological, or those involving responsibilities to other family members” may affect the number and spacing of children. The Church understands this, while encouraging couples to take a generous view of children.

What should a couple do if they have good reason to avoid having a child?
A married couple can engage in intercourse during the naturally infertile times in a woman’s cycle, or after childbearing years, without violating the meaning of marital intercourse. This is the principle behind natural family planning (NFP).

What is Natural Family Planning?
Natural family planning is a general name for family planning methods that are based on a woman’s menstrual cycle. NFP methods are based on day-to-day observations of the naturally occurring signs of the fertile and infertile phases of the menstrual cycle. It takes into account the uniqueness of each woman. A man is fertile throughout his life, while a woman is fertile for only a few days each cycle during the childbearing years. A woman experiences clear, observable signs that show when she is fertile and infertile. To avoid pregnancy, the couple abstains from intercourse during the fertile phase. Couples can also use NFP to achieve pregnancy because it identifies the time of ovulation.

Who can use NFP?
Any married couple can use NFP. A woman need not have regular cycles. The key to successful NFP use is cooperation and communication between husband and wife.

How effective is NFP?
NFP can be very effective, depending on how strongly motivated the couple is and whether they follow the rules of the method. Couples who carefully follow all the rules to avoid pregnancy can achieve a success rate of 97-98%.

What are the benefits of using NFP?

Shared responsibility by husband and wife
Virtually cost-free
No harmful side effects
Can be used throughout childbearing years
Can be used in special circumstances such as post-partum, breastfeeding and premenopause

How can we learn to use NFP?
The best way to learn NFP is from a qualified instructor-one who is certified from an NFP teacher training program. Your Diocesan NFP Coordinator can help you to find an NFP class in your area.

To learn NFP on the Internet contact Northwest Family Services (NWFS). NWFS provides client education in the Sympto-Thermal Method.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops maintains a list of additional correspondence courses.

For more information:

Married Love and the Gift of Life, U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops
Catechism of the Catholic Church (see, in particular, #2370)
NFP Awareness Week: July 22-28, 2018

Why Does a Catholic Wedding Have to Take Place in a Church?

Emily and Jim are planning their spring wedding. They’ve found the perfect site—an historic mansion with lovely grounds that will be in full bloom. They are pleased that their guests can stay in one place for both the wedding and the reception. But there’s one problem: Emily, who was baptized and raised Catholic, would like to marry in a Catholic ceremony. She wants to know how she can find a Catholic priest or deacon who will officiate at the wedding. Even though Jim was baptized and raised Lutheran, he supports Emily in her desire for a Catholic ceremony.

Many couples like Emily and Jim are surprised, and sometimes disappointed, to find out that the Catholic Church normally requires weddings to take place in a Catholic church. Paulist Father Larry Rice explains the reason:

“The Church expects that a wedding, being a solemn and sacramental event, should occur in a church—in sacred space…We Catholics take this notion of sacred space very seriously. That’s why being inside a church feels different from being somewhere else. An atmosphere of peace, reverence and respect is important to us, so that all will feel welcome, and so that a sense of God’s loving presence permeates the place. We believe that weddings are sacred moments, which should ordinarily happen in the place where the bride or groom worships, with their families and their faith community. A church isn’t just a set or backdrop for a wedding; rather, a wedding is an expression of a faith community’s joys and hopes.”

In order to celebrate their sacramental marriage in a place other than a church or oratory, Emily and Jim need to obtain permission to do so. Emily should discuss with her pastor the process for seeking such a permission within the diocese. Such permission is usually given only for serious reasons. Moreover, without such permission a Catholic priest or deacon who wants to remain in good standing cannot officiate at such a wedding.

Why Get Married in a Church?

As someone working full-time in Campus Ministry, one of my frequent responsibilities is preparing couples for marriage. One frequent question I hear from couples is, “Can we get married outside in the park,” or “Can we get married at the country club?” Often what they’re looking for is a location more convenient to their reception, or a place more aesthetically pleasing than the Newman Center or their local parish church.

I usually end up explaining to these couples that the Catholic Church expects that a wedding, being a solemn and sacramental event, should occur in a church—in sacred space. Usually that’s something that they understand, and it’s not a problem. Occasionally I hear, “Well, isn’t God present equally everywhere?” To this I generally respond, “Well, yes, God’s just as present at the bus station downtown, but you wouldn’t want to get married there, would you?”

We Catholics take this notion of sacred space very seriously. That’s why being inside a church feels different from being somewhere else. An atmosphere of peace, reverence, and respect is important to us, so that all will feel welcome, and so that a sense of God’s loving presence permeates the place. We believe that weddings are sacred moments, which should ordinarily happen in the place where the bride or groom worships, with their families and their faith community. A church isn’t just a set or backdrop for a wedding; rather a wedding is an expression of a faith community’s joys and hopes.

Of course, there are occasionally special circumstances which might require a wedding in a different location. For that to happen in most dioceses, permission must be granted. The Catholic party should discuss with his or her parish priest the process for seeking such permission. In many places that permission is difficult to obtain, unless the reason is particularly serious. “I just want to be married outside” is generally not going to be reason enough.

Is a Divorced Person Excommunicated?

A reader has asked the following question:

How do you respond to someone who says he is excommunicated from the Church so he no longer attends because he’s divorced and did not receive an annulment? I know it isn’t true but I don’t know the details.

Answer:

Some people believe that a Catholic who divorces is excommunicated. Not true! Divorced persons are full members of the Church and are encouraged to participate in its activities. The U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults says: “When divorce is the only possible recourse, the Church offers her support to those involved and encourages them to remain close to the Lord through frequent reception of the Sacraments, especially the Holy Eucharist.” Read more about the Church’s teaching on divorce.

Should a divorced Catholic wish to remarry in the Church he or she may need an annulment. Read more about the annulment process. Even if a Catholic has divorced and remarried civilly, the Church does not want them to be alienated. The Catechism of the Catholic Church urges attention to them, “so that they do not consider themselves separated from the Church, in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons” (no. 1651).

Divorce and the Church’s Healing Ministry

May you have true friends to stand by you,
both in joy and in sorrow.
—Rite of Marriage, (1) no. 37

Many Catholics in the United States hear this simple but powerful prayer at the conclusion of a Catholic wedding ceremony. As part of the final blessing bestowed upon the couple, it captures well the Church’s fervent prayer for both husband and wife as they begin their new life together. It expresses the hope of the entire Christian community that care, concern, and support will be present to them during their most joyful and most sorrowful times.

Newly married couples begin life together in anticipation that their marriages will last. What they desire deeply within their hearts on their wedding day conforms to God’s deepest desire for them. If a marital relationship subsequently ruptures—for any one of myriad reasons, and despite all attempts to remedy their situation—couples can find themselves in very uncertain and sometimes fearful circumstances. (2)

The Catholic Church’s teaching and discipline regarding divorce are rooted in the words of Jesus (see Mt 19:3-9, Mk 10:2-12, and Lk 16:18). This teaching affirms that God’s plan for marriage—from the very dawn of Creation (see Gn 1:28 and 2:18-24)—is a partnership of mutual and lasting fidelity.(3) Marriage is an irrevocable covenant brought about by the consent of the spouses, by which they agree to give and accept themselves completely through life’s inevitable challenges and celebrations. Accordingly, “between the baptized, ‘a ratified and consummated marriage
cannot be dissolved through any human power or for any reason other than death.’”(4) Because of the enduring sinfulness of the human condition, the Church recognizes that a separation of the spouses can later occur—often for grave and unfortunate reasons—with the original marriage bond remaining. (5)

The above epigraph from the Rite of Marriage reflects St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans, wherein he exhorts the Christian community to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Rom 12:15). It follows Paul’s moving reflection on the body of Christ and the role that each part of the body exercises in supporting the others in loving communion. Persons who experience marital discord will naturally turn to the comfort of family and friends for initial support. As a family of faith, moreover, the entire Christian community—made present to the couple on their wedding day—is exhorted to accompany those who suffer from an irremediable marriage situation. Pope John Paul II was an especially strong proponent of the Church’s responsibility in this regard. Referring to persons who are separated or divorced but not remarried civilly, he stated that

The ecclesial community must support such people more than ever. It must give them much respect, solidarity, understanding and practical help, so that they can preserve their fidelity even in their difficult situation; and it must help them to cultivate the need to forgive which is inherent in Christian love, and to be ready perhaps to return to their former married life. (6)

Parishioners and parish leaders might well ask themselves: How are separated and divorced persons treated in this parish? What is the parishioners’ prevalent attitude toward persons who are separated or civilly divorced? Pope John Paul II characterized the fundamental Christian attitude that ought to permeate a parish’s response: “let these men and women know that the Church loves them. . . . it is necessary to welcome them with charity and kindness.” (7) In his first encyclical, devoted to the meaning and exercise of Christian charity, Pope Benedict XVI further reflected on the ecclesial exercise of charity: “as a community, the Church must practice love. Love thus needs to be organized if it is to be an ordered service to the community.” (8)

Putting Faith in Practice

In 2005, to inaugurate its National Pastoral Initiative on Marriage, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops invited dioceses to conduct focus groups with married Catholics, including spouses who are separated or divorced. The focus groups presented recommendations for pastoral outreach to those in this situation. “Many spoke of the need for resources (lists of counselors, reading materials, websites) that could be posted on a parish and/or diocesan website. . . . [for] parish-based support groups. . . . [and for] programs for divorce care . . . that reinforce Catholic teaching.” Other participants recommended that “parishes sponsor activities that are not always family-centered.”(9)

Pastoral practices aimed at persons who are separated or divorced are best complemented by catechetical initiatives to form the entire parish community in becoming welcoming and encouraging examples of Christian evangelization. (10) Such initiatives can provide needed clarity in explaining truthfully the Church’s teachings related to marriage and reconciliation and offer the needed correctives for today’s misconceptions. Through such initiatives, brokenness can be healed, self-worth can be affirmed, and isolation can be overcome. Thus welcomed into the Body of Christ, the separated and divorced are able to draw closer to the Lord, discover the rich mercy of his promise of forgiveness, and remain ever confident of the Lord’s commitment to shoulder their burdens along with them (see Mt 11:30).

Some separated and divorced Catholics express the mistaken notion that their situation objectively sets them outside the Catholic community. This could not be further from the truth. It is essential that divorced Catholics know that they are not excommunicated under church law and that their right and responsibility to participate in the life of the Church—which they possess by virtue of Baptism—does not cease with the breakup of their marital union.(11) In fact, participation in the life of the Church is essential for continued growth in the faith.

It is true that Catholics who are divorced and civilly remarried present a unique challenge for the Church’s ministry. In fidelity to the teaching of Christ and the prescriptions of canon law, the civil union is invalid. Couples in these situations therefore “find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law.”(12) They may not receive the Eucharist or exercise other official functions within the Church until their sinful situation is resolved. Divorced and civilly remarried Catholics can and should remain active in many other ways, however, such as reflecting on the Word of God, attending Mass, fostering works of charity and justice, cultivating a spirit and practice of penance, and continuing to guide their children in the Catholic faith. (13)

Daily parish life offers pivotal moments for ongoing catechesis on the Church’s teachings related to marriage and reconciliation. Adult faith formation programs, retreats, homilies, missions, and formation for newly married couples are suitable occasions to address marital difficulties as they arise. Because the pain and rupture of separation and divorce extend to other family members, children of separated and divorced Catholics should hold a special place within the Church’s healing and catechetical ministries. Some divorced Catholics have expressed concern that their children’s legitimacy will be affected by a subsequent declaration of nullity by a church court. These persons ought to be assured, however, that the children’s legitimacy is not affected by such declarations.(14) National and international programs developed specifically for separated and divorced persons can be adapted with great effect to attend to families’ emotional needs and support parents in fulfilling their natural and ecclesiastical obligations toward their children.

A Future Filled with Hope

The Church’s diverse response to Catholics who are separated or divorced is always faithful to Christ’s teaching on the indissolubility of marriage and the Church’s vigilance concerning scandal. Parish staffs, in collaboration with diocesan personnel, should work closely with Catholics who find themselves in these situations to explore the various options that are available for remedying their situations. In some instances, it will be helpful to discuss with a church tribunal official the possibility of petitioning for a declaration of matrimonial nullity. (15) Pastors and priests will also want to work closely with spouses who were believed to have been instrumental in the breakup of their marriage for proper conscience formation and signs of repentance. (16)

The gospel message makes evident the truths that sin and suffering will continue to exist, even within marriages of well-intentioned Catholics, and that God’s everlasting love is revealed in the Lord’s unending promise of forgivenessvand the hope of a new beginning. Christian hope “affords us joy even under trial,” (17) permitting us to proclaim with the words of St. Paul, “Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction” (Rom 12:12).

This material was originally developed as a resource for Catechetical Sunday 2010.

Notes

See Rite of Marriage, in The Rites of the Catholic Church, study ed. (New York: Pueblo Publishing Company, 1990).
A 2007 Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA) study commissioned by the Committee on Marriage and Family Life of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) reported that 13 percent of adult Catholics in the United States are currently separated or divorced, a statistic
that mirrors the incidence of divorce among the population
of the United States generally. See CARA, Marriage in the Catholic Church: A Survey of U.S. Catholics, October 2007, www.usccb.org/laity/marriage/marriage_report.pdf.
See Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), 2nd ed. (Washington,
DC: Libreria Editrice Vaticana–USCCB, 2000), nos. 1603-1605, 1614.
CCC, no. 2382, quoting Code of Canon Law: Latin-English Edition: New English Translation (CIC) (Washington, DC: Canon Law Society of America, 1998), c. 1141.
See CIC, cc. 1152-1153.
Pope John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation On the Family (Familiaris Consortio) (Washington, DC: USCCB, 1982), no. 83.
Pope John Paul II, Address to the Pontifical Council for the Family (January 24, 1997), nos. 2 and 4, www.vatican.va.
Pope Benedict XVI, Encyclical God Is Love (Deus Caritas Est) (Washington, DC: USCCB, 2006), no. 20.
For the complete focus group report, see www.usccb.org/laity/marriage/separated.shtml.
See USCCB, National Directory for Catechesis (Washington, DC: USCCB, 2005), no. 36.C.2.
See CCC, no. 1651.
Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church Concerning the Reception
of Holy Communion by the Divorced and Remarried Members of the Faithful (Annus Internationalis Familiae) (September 14, 1994), no. 4, www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_14091994_rec-holy-comm-by-divorced_en.html. See also Pontifical Council for Legislative Texts, Declaration “Concerning the Admission to Holy Communion of Faithful Who Are Divorced and Remarried” (June 24, 2000), www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/intrptxt/documents/rc_pc_intrptxt_doc_
20000706_declaration_en.html.
Pope John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, no. 84; see also CCC, no. 1651, and Pope Benedict XVI, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation The Sacrament of Charity (Sacramentum Caritatis) (Washington, DC: USCCB, 2007), no. 29.
See CIC, c. 1137.
See USCCB, United States Catholic Catechism for Adults (Washington, DC: USCCB, 2006), 288-289.
CCC, no. 2386.
CCC, no. 1820.

About the document

The document Divorce and the Church’s Healing Ministry was developed as a resource by the Committee on Evangelization and Catechesis of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). It was reviewed by the committee chairman, Bishop Richard J. Malone, and has been authorized for publication by the undersigned.

Msgr. David J. Malloy, STD
General Secretary, USCCB

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Between Man and Woman

Why does the Catholic Church teach that marriage can exist only between a man and a woman?

Marriage, as both a natural institution and a sacred union, is rooted in God’s plan for creation. The truth that marriage can only exist between a man and a woman is woven deeply into the human spirit. The Church’s teaching on marriage expresses a truth, therefore, that can be perceived first and foremost by human reason. This truth has been confirmed by divine Revelation in Sacred Scripture.

Why can marriage exist only between a man and a woman?

The natural structure of human sexuality makes man and woman complementary partners for expressing conjugal love and transmitting human life. Only a union of male and female can express the sexual complementarity willed by God for marriage. This unique complementarity makes possible the conjugal bond that is the core of marriage.

Why is a same-sex union not equivalent to a marriage?

A same-sex union contradicts the nature and purposes of marriage. It is not based on the natural complementarity of male and female. It cannot achieve the natural purpose of sexual union, that is, to cooperate with God to create new life. Because persons in a same-sex union cannot enter into a true conjugal union, it is wrong to equate their relationship to a marriage.

What unique contributions does marriage between a man and woman make to society?

Marriage is the fundamental pattern for male-female relationships. It contributes to society because it models the way in which women and men live interdependently and commit to seek the good of each other. The marital union also provides the best conditions for raising children: namely, the stable, loving relationship of a mother and father present only in marriage. The state recognizes this relationship as a public institution in its laws because the relationship makes a unique and essential contribution to the common good.

Ideas about marriage have changed over the years. Isn’t same sex marriage just one more change?

The institution of marriage has experienced many developments. Some of these are related to our contemporary understanding about the equality of men and women. These developments have enhanced marriage, but none has conflicted with the basic purpose and nature of marriage. Proposals to legalize same sex marriage would radically redefine marriage.

If people of the same sex love and care for each other, why shouldn’t they be allowed to marry?

Love and commitment are key ingredients of marriage, and the Church recognizes that a basic purpose of marriage is the good of the spouses. The other purpose, however, is the procreation and education of children. There is a fundamental difference between marriage, which has the potential to bring forth children, and other relationships. Marriage between a man and a woman will usually result in children. This remains a powerful human reality, even if every marriage does not bring forth children. This makes marriage between a man and a woman a unique institution.

What difference would it make to married couples if same sex partners are allowed to marry?

We need to answer this question not simply as individuals, but as members of society, called to work for the common good. If same sex marriage were legalized, the result would be a significant change in our society. We would be saying that the primary purpose of marriage is to validate and protect a sexually intimate relationship. All else would be secondary. While we cannot say exactly what the impact of this change would be, experience suggests that it would be negative. Marriage would no longer symbolize society’s commitment to the future: our children. Rather, marriage would symbolize a commitment to the present needs and desires of adults.

Isn’t the Church discriminating against homosexual persons by opposing same sex unions?

No. Christians must give witness to the whole truth and, therefore, oppose as immoral both homosexual acts and unjust discrimination against homosexual persons.

It is not unjust to deny legal status to same-sex unions because marriage and same-sex unions are essentially different realities. In fact, justice requires society to do so.

The legal recognition of marriage, including benefits associated with it, is not only about personal commitment, but also about the social commitment that husband and wife make to the well-being of society. It would be wrong to redefine marriage for the sake of providing benefits to those who cannot rightfully enter into marriage. It should be noted that some benefits currently sought by persons in homosexual unions can already be obtained without regard to marital status. For example, individuals can agree to own property jointly, and they can generally designate anyone they choose to be a beneficiary of their will or to make health care decisions in case they become incompetent.

Where can I learn more about this issue?

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has launched an Initiative called “Marriage: Unique for a Reason.” Its purpose is to help educate and catechize Catholics on the meaning of marriage as the union of one man and one woman. Resources, including videos and catechetical materials, are available on the website.

RESOURCES:

Between Man and Woman: Questions and Answers About Marriage and Same-Sex Unions is a 2003 statement by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

Other statements by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Vatican are available here.

The Massachusetts Catholic Conference has much information about this topic on its website.

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