Author Archives: Robert Fletcher

About Robert Fletcher

I am the Senior Web Developer at Crosby Marketing.

Death of a Child

Of all the pains that life can hand us, arguably the most searing is the death of a child. A parent’s world irrevocably and horrifically changes forever, no matter what the circumstances or the age of the child.

In what seems to be a manner contrary to the natural order, parents not only have a physical and emotional part of themselves ripped away, but also have the loss of all of the hopes, dreams, and aspirations they had so completely invested in their child.

With this loss, a parent’s world radically and dramatically changes forever. Most friends, relatives, and acquaintances do not know how to approach or console for fear of offending or upsetting the parent. Many parents say they begin to feel that they are treated as if they have a contagious disease. In an attempt to seem normal, or “over it,” emotions are suppressed and the parent begins to withdraw or become distant. This reaction, however, compounds the all-encompassing feeling of being totally alone.

Many well-intentioned attempts have been made to assist parents in recovering emotionally from their loss, including psychotherapy and various support groups. However, in an attempt to be all inclusive and “politically correct,” the spiritual perspective of the grieving process—or even the existence of God—is usually lacking (or actively avoided) in many of these approaches.

It was the personal experience of my own family and this deep need for spirituality that led to what is now known as the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents.

Emmaus Ministry logo

Thanksgiving evening of 2002, a healthy, ambitious and successful young US Air Force Captain, Paul Monaghan, took his own life, without any explanation or warning signs. As unexpected as a lightning strike on a clear blue day, Paul’s death shattered our idyllic, comfortable family life forever.

For five years afterwards, when she wasn’t numb, my wife, Diane, frantically searched. Searched for answers from her son’s wife on what actually happened. Searched for answers from his friends on what he was like leading up to his death. Searched for answers from Air Force investigators, who took an entire year to file their death report. Searched for answers not so much to the question of “why” as to “how”. How could her beautiful son do this to himself? How could he do this to the family he loved so much? She frantically searched for understanding, read an entire library of books on the death of a child and suicide, went to psychiatrists, psychologists, and psychotherapists, joined support groups and journaled. Nothing helped at all.

During these years, she prayed for two things: the strength to get out of bed in the morning and an understanding of how she could make some good come from such a horrific tragedy, but her prayers seemingly went unanswered. She felt God was not listening. During this time, she says, she received some strength from her faith, but not much comfort.

Then one day, everything changed. Undoubtedly, it was the Holy Spirit that prompted her to attend a totally unrelated program that eventually led to a deep relationship with a compassionate religious sister, who was a Spiritual Director. They met at St. Anthony Shrine, a Holy Name Province Franciscan community in Boston, MA. Slowly, after five years, her numbness began to subside.

Over and over again, she talked with her Spiritual Director about the promise of eternal life…the fact that life has changed for Paul, not ended. The fact that she would indeed see him again. For the first time since 2002 Diane, in the rich teachings of the Catholic Church, finally found peace, comfort, and hope.

All this while, I was on a different journey. I put my feelings and emotions in a tightly wrapped box deep within me, while pretending to the entire world that nothing was wrong and that I was fine.

It is indeed fortunate that my wife and I had the wisdom to grant each other the ability to grieve in our own ways and so avoid what many married grieving parents experience – a good marriage becoming fragile or totally falling apart because of resentment or misunderstanding of the ways in which each other are grieving.

Eventually Diane made the life-changing decision to leave her position as vice president of a local college and go to work raising money for the Shrine in Boston. Growing more deeply in her spirituality, she eventually felt called to ask the Guardian of St Anthony Shrine if he would support a ministry to spiritually serve other deeply wounded grieving parents. She believed that focusing on the spirituality of the grieving process could help many other parents as much as it helped her. He agreed, and together they decided to offer a spiritual retreat for parents whose children had died. They opened it to any parent whose child of any age had died by any cause—no matter how long ago, and no matter how close the parent did or did not feel to God.

And so, with nothing more than trust that the Holy Spirit would guide their efforts, Diane and the Franciscan friars of St Anthony Shrine held their first retreat in March of 2009. I initially wanted no part of this endeavor, reasoning that real men bear up no matter what, fearing any display of any weakness or helplessness. Nevertheless, I ultimately went to the retreat to support Diane. There is no doubt in my mind that during that weekend I, too, was showered with the gifts the Holy Spirit so generously offered that day.

Fr. David Convertino, OFM, then Guardian, described that initial retreat, “This was one of the most grace-filled experiences that I have had during my entire life as a priest and as a friar.”

From this uncertain beginning, the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents was born. It now offers One-Hour, One-Day, and Weekend Spiritual Retreats wherever it is called to do so.

The ministry does not provide therapy or function as a support group. In fact, parents are told that they will not be asked to stand up and relate their stories, or even to speak at all, unless they choose to do so. Rather, the ministry seeks to create a safe and sacred space for parents to “undress their hearts” before God and others who know and feel their pain—and to focus on the tenets of our Catholic faith and the certainty of the Communion of Saints now and in the future. Truly it is new evangelization in action.

Since its inception, this ministry has helped hundreds of parents initiate or reinvigorate their relationship with God—and with their deceased children. Over the past eight years it has evolved into a ministry for grieving parents offered by grieving parents. Very much parent-led, it is a ministry requiring very little parish or diocesan time or money. Parents struggle through and share the horrendous pain of their own journeys with each other, while inviting Jesus to join and comfort them, just as he comforted his grieving disciples on the road to Emmaus.

To the best of our knowledge, there is no other similar type of ongoing ministry focused on the spirituality of the parent’s grieving process anywhere in the United States. Since its inception, the ministry has served hundreds of parents from sixteen states, as well as Canada.

While its spiritual home continues to be St. Anthony Shrine in Boston, the ministry, as a 501(c) (3) non-profit, now partners in ministry with the Archdiocese of Boston, the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston WV, and parishes in RI and CT as part of its mission to assist other parents and dioceses in introducing and maintaining this powerful ministry.

After one or more initial retreats offered in collaboration with our Boston-based retreat team, typically local parents are called by the Holy Spirit to carry the ministry forward in their own areas. In providing witness through personal testimony to other parents, many have found that “It is in consoling that we are consoled.”

Introducing the ministry in your area at little or no cost is relatively easy. Because we have been blessed with generous donations and several grant awards, we are able to come to you, wherever you are, bringing many years of experience and well-developed templates for offering your Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents spiritual retreats. Please call us at 617-542-8057 for more information or email diane@emfgp.org.

About the author
Charley Monaghan is a co-founder of the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents, which serves the spiritual needs of parents whose children of any age have died by any cause, no matter how long ago. The ministry is based in Boston, MA.

Related articles:

Spiritual Help for Grieving Parents

Of all the pains that life can hand us, arguably the most searing is the death of a child. A parent’s world irrevocably and horrifically changes forever, no matter what the circumstances or the age of the child.

In what seems to be a manner contrary to the natural order, parents not only have a physical and emotional part of themselves ripped away, but also have the loss of all of the hopes, dreams, and aspirations they had so completely invested in their child.

With this loss, a parent’s world radically and dramatically changes forever. Most friends, relatives, and acquaintances do not know how to approach or console for fear of offending or upsetting the parent. Many parents say they begin to feel that they are treated as if they have a contagious disease. In an attempt to seem normal, or “over it,” emotions are suppressed and the parent begins to withdraw or become distant. This reaction, however, compounds the all-encompassing feeling of being totally alone.

Many well-intentioned attempts have been made to assist parents in recovering emotionally from their loss, including psychotherapy and various support groups. However, in an attempt to be all inclusive and “politically correct,” the spiritual perspective of the grieving process—or even the existence of God—is usually lacking (or actively avoided) in many of these approaches.

It was the personal experience of my own family and this deep need for spirituality that led to what is now known as the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents.

Emmaus Ministry logo

Thanksgiving evening of 2002, a healthy, ambitious and successful young US Air Force Captain, Paul Monaghan, took his own life, without any explanation or warning signs. As unexpected as a lightning strike on a clear blue day, Paul’s death shattered our idyllic, comfortable family life forever.

For five years afterwards, when she wasn’t numb, my wife, Diane, frantically searched. Searched for answers from her son’s wife on what actually happened. Searched for answers from his friends on what he was like leading up to his death. Searched for answers from Air Force investigators, who took an entire year to file their death report. Searched for answers not so much to the question of “why” as to “how”. How could her beautiful son do this to himself? How could he do this to the family he loved so much? She frantically searched for understanding, read an entire library of books on the death of a child and suicide, went to psychiatrists, psychologists, and psychotherapists, joined support groups and journaled. Nothing helped at all.

During these years, she prayed for two things: the strength to get out of bed in the morning and an understanding of how she could make some good come from such a horrific tragedy, but her prayers seemingly went unanswered. She felt God was not listening. During this time, she says, she received some strength from her faith, but not much comfort.

Then one day, everything changed. Undoubtedly, it was the Holy Spirit that prompted her to attend a totally unrelated program that eventually led to a deep relationship with a compassionate religious sister, who was a Spiritual Director. They met at St. Anthony Shrine, a Holy Name Province Franciscan community in Boston, MA. Slowly, after five years, her numbness began to subside.

Over and over again, she talked with her Spiritual Director about the promise of eternal life…the fact that life has changed for Paul, not ended. The fact that she would indeed see him again. For the first time since 2002 Diane, in the rich teachings of the Catholic Church, finally found peace, comfort, and hope.

All this while, I was on a different journey. I put my feelings and emotions in a tightly wrapped box deep within me, while pretending to the entire world that nothing was wrong and that I was fine.

It is indeed fortunate that my wife and I had the wisdom to grant each other the ability to grieve in our own ways and so avoid what many married grieving parents experience – a good marriage becoming fragile or totally falling apart because of resentment or misunderstanding of the ways in which each other are grieving.

Eventually Diane made the life-changing decision to leave her position as vice president of a local college and go to work raising money for the Shrine in Boston. Growing more deeply in her spirituality, she eventually felt called to ask the Guardian of St Anthony Shrine if he would support a ministry to spiritually serve other deeply wounded grieving parents. She believed that focusing on the spirituality of the grieving process could help many other parents as much as it helped her. He agreed, and together they decided to offer a spiritual retreat for parents whose children had died. They opened it to any parent whose child of any age had died by any cause—no matter how long ago, and no matter how close the parent did or did not feel to God.

And so, with nothing more than trust that the Holy Spirit would guide their efforts, Diane and the Franciscan friars of St Anthony Shrine held their first retreat in March of 2009. I initially wanted no part of this endeavor, reasoning that real men bear up no matter what, fearing any display of any weakness or helplessness. Nevertheless, I ultimately went to the retreat to support Diane. There is no doubt in my mind that during that weekend I, too, was showered with the gifts the Holy Spirit so generously offered that day.

Fr. David Convertino, OFM, then Guardian, described that initial retreat, “This was one of the most grace-filled experiences that I have had during my entire life as a priest and as a friar.”

From this uncertain beginning, the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents was born. It now offers One-Hour, One-Day, and Weekend Spiritual Retreats wherever it is called to do so.

The ministry does not provide therapy or function as a support group. In fact, parents are told that they will not be asked to stand up and relate their stories, or even to speak at all, unless they choose to do so. Rather, the ministry seeks to create a safe and sacred space for parents to “undress their hearts” before God and others who know and feel their pain—and to focus on the tenets of our Catholic faith and the certainty of the Communion of Saints now and in the future. Truly it is new evangelization in action.

Since its inception, this ministry has helped hundreds of parents initiate or reinvigorate their relationship with God—and with their deceased children. Over the past eight years it has evolved into a ministry for grieving parents offered by grieving parents. Very much parent-led, it is a ministry requiring very little parish or diocesan time or money. Parents struggle through and share the horrendous pain of their own journeys with each other, while inviting Jesus to join and comfort them, just as he comforted his grieving disciples on the road to Emmaus.

To the best of our knowledge, there is no other similar type of ongoing ministry focused on the spirituality of the parent’s grieving process anywhere in the United States. Since its inception, the ministry has served hundreds of parents from sixteen states, as well as Canada.

While its spiritual home continues to be St. Anthony Shrine in Boston, the ministry, as a 501(c) (3) non-profit, now partners in ministry with the Archdiocese of Boston, the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston WV, and parishes in RI and CT as part of its mission to assist other parents and dioceses in introducing and maintaining this powerful ministry.

After one or more initial retreats offered in collaboration with our Boston-based retreat team, typically local parents are called by the Holy Spirit to carry the ministry forward in their own areas. In providing witness through personal testimony to other parents, many have found that “It is in consoling that we are consoled.”

Introducing the ministry in your area at little or no cost is relatively easy. Because we have been blessed with generous donations and several grant awards, we are able to come to you, wherever you are, bringing many years of experience and well-developed templates for offering your Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents spiritual retreats. Please call us at 617-542-8057 for more information or email diane@emfgp.org.

About the author
Charley Monaghan is a co-founder of the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents, which serves the spiritual needs of parents whose children of any age have died by any cause, no matter how long ago. The ministry is based in Boston, MA.

Try a Five-Point Tune-Up For Your Marriage

At the end of each summer, my husband and I receive a letter that urges us to have our heating system checked before the Fall. It’s usually slipped through the mail slot on an oppressive August day, when more warmth is the last thing I’m thinking about it. But I realize the wisdom of preventive maintenance now, before a breakdown occurs.

Marriages, too, benefit from preventive maintenance. Do you need to discuss a stressful issue before it erupts? Are you looking for an activity or two to rejuvenate your marriage? The end of summer is a good time to plan for marriage maintenance, before the busyness of Fall kicks in. Here’s a five-point list to get started:

  • Talk Turkey. Thanksgiving (and Christmas) turkey, that is. Where will you be spending the holidays? Do you turn into jugglers, trying to balance the expectations of both sets of in-laws? If the two of you agree on a plan now, you’ll be ready to deal with the situation in a way that’s fair to everyone. An added advantage: If you’re flying for the holidays, you’ll be able to shop early for cheaper air fares and the dates you want.
  • Fall for each other—again. Fun fall getaways abound, everything from pumpkin patches and apple-picking to colorful college football games and tailgate parties. Get out your calendars now and pencil in a few dates. Don’t forget that romantic drive to view the fall foliage.
  • Show me the money. The last quarter of the year can bring higher household expenses, including costs associated with the holidays. Can your budget handle it? Be prepared by reviewing your financial status and making any needed adjustments to your spending and saving.
  • Go back to school. Maybe not literally, but Fall is an excellent time to learn a new skill or try a new activity. Check out the offerings from your local public school system or community college. Read the parish bulletin or website to see what’s being planned. Sign up—finally!—to walk for your favorite cause. Learning or doing something new, especially if you do it together, can enrich your marriage. If you decide on different activities, share your experiences with your spouse and bring a new dimension to your marriage.
  • Get fit—spiritually. Summer often means a break from routine. Have you let your spiritual practices slide over the past couple months? Rather than become discouraged, make a September resolution to improve. Schedule time for prayer and spiritual reading, even if it’s only a few minutes. Consider setting aside time to pray with your spouse (see Who Me, Pray?…With Her?). Bring closure to the summer by celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

National NFP Awareness Week 2019

National Natural Family Planning Awareness Week is Sunday, July 21 through Saturday, July 27, 2019. NFP Awareness Week is an annual campaign to celebrate and educate individuals and couples throughout the country about the gift NFP is to marriages and families. This year’s theme is:

Love, Naturally!
Natural Family Planning
Cooperating with God’s design for married love

What is NFP? Natural Family Planning is a method based on a woman’s menstrual cycle. NFP methods involve daily observations of the scientifically verified, natural and recurring signs of fertility and infertility that a woman’s body displays during her monthly cycle. No chemicals or barriers are used. A couple prayerfully discerns if they feel called to achieve or postpone pregnancy and use the information accordingly.

The dates of Natural Family Planning Awareness Week mark the anniversary of Pope Paul VI’s encyclical, Humanae Vitae. This encyclical explains the Catholic Church’s beliefs regarding human sexuality and responsible parenthood. The Church also celebrates the Memorial of Saints Joachim and Anne, the parents of the Blessed Mother, on July 26.

Be sure to follow the featured NFP Awareness Week page on the USCCB website. The USCCB and For Your Marriage Facebook and Twitter pages will also provide daily graphics and posts in recognition of the week. For more information on Natural Family Planning check out the pages, find an NFP class in your area, or read some articles here on For Your Marriage!

More NFP articles

Ordinary Time?

One of the characteristics of Catholicism—indeed, of any liturgically-oriented church—is that the pattern of our worship follows a cycle of feasts and seasons. Our seasons run like this: Advent, which starts right after Thanksgiving; Christmas, which begins on Christmas Eve; a brief period of Ordinary Time, followed by Lent, Triduum, the Easter Season, and then a long stretch of Ordinary Time.

What is Ordinary Time? We usually define it by what it’s not. It’s the season when there’s no other season going on. If seasons were flavors, Ordinary Time would be vanilla. Of course, as any good cook will tell you, vanilla has its own, often underrated flavor, with its own nuances and characteristics.

To my way of thinking, Ordinary Time is the most challenging season. The prayers and scriptures chosen for Ordinary Time emphasize living and growing in discipleship. Just as Advent stresses preparation and anticipation, and Lent focuses on repentance, Ordinary Time asks us to grow deeper into the mystery of our faith every day. The focus of our Sunday celebrations throughout this season will be on following Christ every day, taking the sacraments we celebrate on Sundays, and allowing them to enrich and guide our day-to-day lives, and completing the circle by bringing those daily experiences back to the altar the following Sunday.

So, it’s a little tricky to call this season merely ordinary. It’s a long celebration of the wonders that God works every day, and the challenges of following Christ with our lives. There’s nothing “ordinary” about that.

The Body Reveals What We Are Made For

For many of us during these warm months, our thoughts turn to swimming pools, the beach or just plain working on our tan. In the summer, we tend to be more aware of — and more conscious of — our bodies.

It is true that all of us are aware of our bodies and concerned about how we look and present ourselves to others, and how others look and present themselves to us. This should not surprise us. Our bodies are the “place” where we first meet and encounter each other. It is our body that first reveals something about us to others. It reveals our age and gender. A bright smile or wrinkled frown immediately communicates to others something of what is in our heart at that moment. Our bodies make visible a glimmer of the invisible reality of our heart and spirit.

The Bible’s second story of creation (Genesis 2:4-25), filled with symbolism, proclaims that our bodies reveal to us the deepest meaning of our human lives. The story suggests that when the first man, Adam, was created, he examined his body. He had eyes to see, ears to hear, a mouth to speak, hands to touch and a heart that desired to share his life with someone else. Yet, he found himself alone.

Then God created the first woman—Eve. We can imagine that, at first, she had the same experience. She realized that the very purpose for which she was made— relationships—could not be accomplished alone. When Adam and Eve then met each other, Adam exclaimed: “This one at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!” Adam and Eve realized that finally there was someone with whom they could enter into relationship—another person with whom they could share their lives.

Our bodies reveal to us the meaning of life. We were created for relationships. We were made to love. It is only in the experience of relationships that we find the deepest peace and joy that our hearts desire. From the most casual friendships between neighbors and coworkers, to the depths of intimacy shared between spouses, to the ultimate relationship that we share with God —our relationships are the most valuable possessions we can possibly acquire in life.

The meaning of life is love. We don’t have to probe the mysteries of the universe to discover this—we have only to look in the mirror. Our bodies reveal to us the purpose of our existence. Our minds, hearts and bodies were designed by God to draw us into the many forms of relationships that we experience in life. This is what St. John Paul II called the “Theology of the Body.” In a beautifully mysterious way, the human body reveals to us who we are, what God created us to do and what will bring us lasting happiness.

So, as we head to the beach, as we shake hands with our buddies after the ball game, when we hug our child or embrace our spouse, or when we see a warm, friendly smile on a stranger’s face—our bodies remind us that we are made for genuine love.

For a fuller treatment of the topic in this column, please visit www.ErieRCD.org/singer.htm to hear Father Chris’ first Theology of the Body series talk.

About the author
Fr. Chris Singer is chancellor of the Diocese of Erie and presented a lecture series on the Theology of the Body in the Fall of 2014. Reprinted with permission from FAITH magazine in the Diocese of Erie (Last Word column).

Amoris Laetitia “Bootcamp”

Pope Francis’s Amoris Laetitia came out on April 8th—how much have you read? If you need a little push, join the AL Bootcamp with us! We will read a small bit from Chapter 4 (Love in Marriage) and ask you to do something related to it for your marriage every day. Join us on Facebook or Twitter. We’re joining one of our “sister” sites, Marriage: Unique for a Reason.

For those who prefer to print it out all at once, every day is listed below.

Sundays are your “day of rest” but that doesn’t mean you should slack off on your love

April 25

“Love is patient (1 Cor 13: 4)

Pope Francis: “The first word used is makrothyméi…Its meaning is clarified by the Greek translation of the Old Testament, where we read that God is ‘slow to anger’ (Ex 34:6; Num 14:18). It refers, then, to the quality of one who does not act on im­pulse and avoids giving offense… God’s ‘patience’, shown in his mercy towards sinners, is a sign of his real power” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 91).

Today, be aware of when you are tempted to be angry at your spouse, children, parents, or other relatives. Take a deep breath and remember that your first reaction is not always the most helpful or truest to the love that you have for that person. Also try to consider how your words will be taken before you say them, and whether the time is right to bring something up.

April 26

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice” (Eph 4:31).

Pope Francis: “We encounter problems whenever we think that relationships or people ought to be perfect, or when we put ourselves at the center and expect things to turn out our way. Then everything makes us impatient, everything makes us react aggressively. Unless we cultivate patience, we will always find excuses for responding angrily. We will end up incapable of living together, antisocial, unable to control our impulses, and our families will become battlegrounds” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 92).

How many times do you find yourself frustrated at the imperfections of others in your family? Today, when something doesn’t go your way (and there will always be something!) tell yourself to stay calm and put it in perspective. Will it matter tomorrow?

April 27

“Love is patient” (1 Cor 13:4).

Pope Francis: “Patience takes root when I recognize that other people also have a right to live in this world, just as they are. It does not matter if they hold me back, if they unsettle my plans, or annoy me by the way they act or think, or if they are not everything I want them to be. Love always has an aspect of deep compassion that leads to accepting the other person as part of this world, even when he or she acts differently than I would like” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 92).

Deep down, if we are being honest, we may expect everyone else to think like we do; or if they don’t, they should. Today, take the time to consciously appreciate one or two things that your spouse, children, or other family members do better than you, and recognize that they put up with your imperfections just as much as you put up with theirs!

April 28

“Love is kind…” (1 Cor 13:4).

Pope Francis: “The next word that Paul uses is chrestéuetai. The word is used only here in the entire Bible. It is derived from chrestós: a good person, one who shows his goodness by his deeds… Paul wants to make it clear that ‘patience’ is not a completely passive attitude, but one accompanied by activity, by a dynamic and creative interaction with others” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 93).

Sometimes saying that someone is a “good person” is a way of excusing bad choices they’ve made; but being good is a prerequisite of holiness, really. Show me a saint who couldn’t be first called a “good person”! What can you do today to be a good person?

April 29

“Love is kind” (1 Cor 13:4).

Pope Francis: “Throughout the text, it is clear that Paul wants to stress that love is more than a mere feeling. Rather, it should be understood along the lines of the Hebrew verb ‘to love’; it is ‘to do good’” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 94).

We don’t always feel like loving, but we know that when we fail to love, that doesn’t make us happy. Plan ahead today in order to love in action: put an extra granola bar in your purse to give to the man who stands at the corner where you work. Think about what might make your spouse smile if he/she finds it in the middle of a day at home or work. Plan ahead to do good.

April 30

“Love is shown more by deeds than by words.” – St. Ignatius of Loyola

Pope Francis: “[Love] thus shows its fruitfulness and allows us to experience the happiness of giving, the nobility and grandeur of spending ourselves unstintingly, without asking to be repaid, purely for the pleasure of giving and serving” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 94).

Today, pick one of the services that your spouse usually provides and get to it before them as a surprise. Dishes, laundry, picking up the kids’ soccer stuff— beat them to it!

May 2

“Love is not jealous” (1 Cor 13:4).

Pope Francis: “Saint Paul goes on to reject as contrary to love an attitude expressed by the verb zelói – to be jealous or envious. This means that love has no room for discomfiture at another person’s good fortune (cf. Acts 7:9; 17:5)” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 95).

Sometimes things just seem so easy for other people. Today, when you are tempted to think that your spouse, children, or another relative just has an easier life than you do, remind yourself of how much God has done for you. Be content and pray for the grace to accept your own situation with a peaceful heart.

May 3

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Ex 20:17).

Pope Francis: “True love values the other person’s achievements. It does not see him or her as a threat. It frees us from the sour taste of envy. It recognizes that everyone has different gifts and a unique path in life. So it strives to discover its own road to happiness, while allowing others to find theirs” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 95).

It is always difficult not to compare ourselves to other people, but that inevitably leads to sadness. Today, reflect upon the unique path that you have been on so far, and entrust yourself to God in confidence. Plan something fun with your family for next weekend so that you can appreciate your family as a gift.

May 4

“Love is not jealous” (1 Cor 13:4).

Pope Francis: “Love inspires a sincere esteem for every human being and the recognition of his or her own right to happiness. I love this person, and I see him or her with the eyes of God, who gives us everything ‘for our enjoyment’ (1 Tim 6:17). As a result, I feel a deep sense of happiness and peace” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 96).

Today, compliment members of your family, and try to choose something that you may never have said to them before. Think about what it means to see someone with “the eyes of God.”

May 5

“Love is not pompous, it is not inflated” (1 Cor 13:4).

Pope Francis: “The following word, perpereúetai, denotes vainglory, the need to be haughty, pedantic and somewhat pushy. Those who love not only refrain from speaking too much about themselves, but are focused on others; they do not need to be the center of attention. The word that comes next – physioútai – is similar, indicating that love is not arrogant. Literally, it means that we do not become ‘puffed up’ before others. It also points to something more subtle: an obsession with showing off and a loss of a sense of reality. Such people think that, because they are more ‘spiritual’ or ‘wise’, they are more important than they really are” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 97).

Do these words – haughty, pushy, puffed up – ever describe you? Make a concerted effort today to remember that even your good intentions and good deeds are gifts from God.

May 6

“Knowledge inflates with pride, but love builds up” (1 Cor 8:1).

Pope Francis: “Some think that they are important because they are more knowledgeable than others; they want to lord it over them. Yet what really makes us important is a love that understands, shows concern, and embraces the weak” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 97).

Is there a member of your family whom you pay less attention to because they aren’t as “smart” as you are? Reach out to them today with sincere interest in their life.

May 7

“But Jesus summoned them and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave’” (Mt 20:25-27).

Pope Francis: “It is important for Christians to show their love by the way they treat family members who are less knowledgeable about the faith, weak or less sure in their convictions… In family life, the logic of domination and competition about who is the most intelligent or powerful destroys love” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 98).

Families are always a “mixed bag” in terms of the practice of the faith. Think about the last time that you were with your extended family. Did you treat people kindly, even if they disagree with you or the Church? (This doesn’t mean watering down your love for your faith.) Are you approachable and gentle in your conversations?

May 9

“Love is not rude” (1 Cor 13:5).

Pope Francis: “To love is also to be gentle and thoughtful, and this is conveyed by the next word, aschemonéi. It indicates that love is not rude or impolite; it is not harsh. Its actions, words and gestures are pleasing and not abrasive or rigid. Love abhors making others suffer. Courtesy ‘is a school of sensitivity and disinterestedness’ which requires a person ‘to develop his or her mind and feelings, learning how to listen, to speak and, at certain times, to keep quiet’ (Octavio Paz, La llama doble, Barcelona, 1993, 35)” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 99).

It is easy to take things for granted in the family and to drop the “niceties” that we use for “company.” But Pope Francis always reminds us to say, “Please,” “Thank you,” and “May I?” to our family members. Here he’s asking us to be intentional about gentleness. Tonight, at dinner, make a conscious effort to speak with courtesy.

May 10

“Love is not rude” (1 Cor 13:5).

Pope Francis: “Every day, ‘entering into the life of another, even when that person already has a part to play in our life, demands the sensitivity and restraint which can renew trust and respect. Indeed, the deeper love is, the more it calls for respect for the other’s freedom and the ability to wait until the other opens the door to his or her heart’” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 100).

It can be hard to wait for your spouse to open up to you, if you know that there is something on his or her mind. Sometimes when it comes to waiting for big things, it helps if we practice by waiting for small things. Today, if you have a treat in your lunch, save it for after work.

May 11

“Love is not rude” (1 Cor 13:5)

Pope Francis: “To be open to a genuine encounter with others, ‘a kind look’ is essential… [it] helps us to see beyond our own limitations, to be patient and to cooperate with others, despite our differences. Loving kindness builds bonds, cultivates relationships, creates new networks of integration and knits a firm social fabric… In our families, we must learn to imitate Jesus’ own gentleness in our way of speaking to one another” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 100).

It can be very difficult to look kindly at a child who is acting out, or at our spouse when he/she doesn’t hear what you said for the nth time. Today, look at your family members and say to yourself, “Jesus is looking at them right now too.” That can help change the way that you see them.

May 12

“Love does not seek its own interests” (1 Cor 13:5).

Pope Francis: “We have repeatedly said that to love another we must first love ourselves. Paul’s hymn to love, however, states that love ‘does not seek its own interest’, nor ‘seek what is its own’. This same idea is expressed in another text: ‘Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others’ (Phil 2:4)” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 101).

There is a paradox in the Christian life: the love of self and the love of neighbor are intimately connected. Today, plan to savor a moment “with” yourself at some point – over a cup of coffee or with a good book perhaps.

May 13

“Love does not seek its own interests” (1 Cor 13:5)

Pope Francis: “Saint Thomas Aquinas explains that ‘it is more proper to charity to desire to love than to desire to be loved’; indeed, ‘mothers, who are those who love the most, seek to love more than to be loved’. Consequently, love can transcend and overflow the demands of justice, ‘expecting nothing in return’ (Lk 6:35), and the greatest of loves can lead to ‘laying down one’s life’ for another (cf. Jn 15:13)” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 102).

Recall a particular way in which your own mother sought to love rather than to be loved. If she’s still alive, give her a call today to thank her for that memory. If she has passed away, pray for her. Entrust her to the care of Our Lady of Fatima.

May 14

“Love is not quick-tempered” (1 Cor 13:5).

Pope Francis: “The word [St. Paul] uses next – paroxýnetai – has to do more with an interior indignation provoked by something from without. It refers to a violent reaction within, a hidden irritation that sets us on edge where others are concerned, as if they were troublesome or threatening and thus to be avoided. To nurture such interior hostility helps no one” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 103).

Sometimes we overreact to something that happens in our day because secretly in our hearts we have been brooding over a hurt or a slight that happened earlier. Today, be on guard against that. Acknowledge a hurt sooner rather than later and seek to heal it through the mercy of Jesus.

May 16

“You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye” (Mt 7:5).

Pope Francis: “The Gospel tells us to look to the log in our own eye (cf. Mt 7:5). Christians cannot ignore the persistent admonition of God’s word not to nurture anger: ‘Do not be overcome by evil’ (Rm 12:21). ‘Let us not grow weary in doing good’ (Gal 6:9). It is one thing to sense a sudden surge of hostility and another to give into it, letting it take root in our hearts: ‘Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger’ (Eph 4:26)” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 104).

Meditate on one of these Scripture passages today. Try to repeat it to yourself throughout the day, especially when you are tempted to anger.

May 17

“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph 4:26).

Pope Francis: “My advice is never to let the day end without making peace in the family. ‘And how am I going to make peace? By getting down on my knees? No! Just by a small gesture, a little something, and harmony within your family will be restored. Just a little caress, no words are necessary. But do not let the day end without making peace in your family’. Our first reaction when we are annoyed should be one of heartfelt blessing, asking God to bless, free and heal that person” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 104).

Tonight, think over your day and your relationships with your family. Figure out if there’s anyone you should apologize to before bed, and do it.

May 18

“Love does not brood over injury” (1 Cor 13:5).

Pope Francis: “Once we allow ill will to take root in our hearts, it leads to deep resentment. The phrase ou logízetai to kakón means that love ‘takes no account of evil’; ‘it is not resentful’. The opposite of resentment is forgiveness, which is rooted in a positive attitude that seeks to understand other people’s weaknesses and to excuse them… Something is wrong when we see every problem as equally serious; in this way, we risk being unduly harsh with the failings of others” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 105).

Today, pay attention to whether you are falling into the trap of making much out of little. As the well-known book holds, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Think about your grievances in light of eternity.

May 19

“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Lk 23:34).

Pope Francis: “Today we recognize that being able to forgive others implies the liberating experience of understanding and forgiving ourselves… We need to learn to pray over our past history, to accept ourselves, to learn how to live with our limitations, and even to forgive ourselves, in order to have this same attitude towards others” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 107).

Mother Mary Francis, a Poor Clare, wrote to her sisters once that the quickest way to “kill” charity is to be too hard on yourself. If you hold yourself to an unrealistic standard, you will do the same to others. Accept your own imperfections today with a laugh and a trusting prayer for mercy.

May 20

“Love does not brood over injury” (1 Cor 13:5).

Pope Francis: “All this assumes that we ourselves have had the experience of being forgiven by God, justified by his grace and not by our own merits. We have known a love that is prior to any of our own efforts, a love that constantly opens doors, promotes and encourages. If we accept that God’s love is unconditional, that the Father’s love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 108).

When you experience forgiveness, you know what a gift it is and can then extend it to others. God’s love precedes anything that you do. Today, focus on letting your family members see that your love for them is not dependent on their actions.

May 21

“Love rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor 13:6).

Pope Francis: “The expression chaírei epì te adikía has to do with a negativity lurking deep within a person’s heart. It is the toxic attitude of those who rejoice at seeing an injustice done to others. The following phrase expresses its opposite: sygchaírei te aletheía: ‘it rejoices in the right’” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 109).

The idea of being glad at someone else’s misfortune is such a common temptation that there’s actually a word for that in German: schadenfreude. It’s an ugly thing. Today practice “rejoicing in the right” by noticing at least one thing your spouse or child(ren) does and acknowledging it with a heartfelt “thank you”.

May 23

“God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Cor 9:7).

Pope Francis: “We rejoice at the good of others when we see their dignity and value their abilities and good works. This is impossible for those who must always be comparing and competing, even with their spouse, so that they secretly rejoice in their failures… Our Lord especially appreciates those who find joy in the happiness of others” (Amoris Laetitia, nos. 109-110).

Have you been comparing or competing with a family member? Resolve today to counter that impulse with kindness and help for them.

May 24

“It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).

Pope Francis: “The family must always be a place where, when something good happens to one of its members, they know that others will be there to celebrate it with them” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 110).

Celebrate something today with your family! If nothing immediately comes to mind as a cause for celebration, dig deep. Today is National Scavenger Hunt day, if that helps.

May 25

“Love bears all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “First, Paul says that love ‘bears all things’ (panta stégei). This is about more than simply putting up with evil; it has to do with the use of the tongue. The verb can mean ‘holding one’s peace’ about what may be wrong with another person” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 112, emphasis original).

Hold your peace today, when you are tempted to complain or point out a family member’s fault.

May 26

“Judge not and you will not be judged” (Lk 6:37).

Pope Francis: “Being willing to speak ill of another person is a way of asserting ourselves, venting resentment and envy without concern for the harm we may do… Whereas the tongue can be used to ‘curse those who are made in the likeness of God’ (Jas 3:9), love cherishes the good name of others, even one’s enemies. In seeking to uphold God’s law we must never forget this specific requirement of love” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 112).

Pope Francis challenges us today to cherish even our enemies’ names, because those people are also made in the image of God. Concentrate today on refraining from speaking badly about anyone.

May 27

“Do not speak evil against one another, brothers and sisters” (Jas 4:11).

Pope Francis: “Married couples joined by love speak well of each other; they try to show their spouse’s good side, not their weakness and faults… This is not merely a way of acting in front of others; it springs from an interior attitude… it sees those weaknesses and faults in a wider context. It recognizes that these failings are a part of a bigger picture…Love does not have to be perfect for us to value it” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 113).

Scripture reminds us that from the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks (see Lk 6:45). Foster the “interior attitude” of love today and place all your spouse’s imperfections into the “bigger picture” of their value and love for you.

May 28

“Love believes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “Panta pisteúei… Here ‘belief’ is not to be taken in its strict theological meaning, but more in the sense of what we mean by ‘trust’. This goes beyond simply presuming that the other is not lying or cheating. Such basic trust recognizes God’s light shining beyond the darkness, like an ember glowing beneath the ash” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 114).

Think about trust in the sense of “entrusting”. When you married your spouse, you “entrusted” yourself and your future to them. Honor that promise today by trusting them to take care of something for you.

May 30

“Love believes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “This trust enables a relationship to be free. It means we do not have to control the other person, to follow their every step lest they escape our grip. Love trusts, it sets free, it does not try to control, possess and dominate everything. This freedom, which fosters independence, an openness to the world around us and to new experiences, can only enrich and expand relationships” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 115).

The erosion of trust in a relationship can happen slowly, but Pope Francis gives us a picture of what it looks like when trust fades: the desire to control the other out of fear. In prayer today, ask for the grace to deepen your trust in your spouse.

May 31

“Love believes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “Those who know that their spouse is always suspicious, judgmental and lacking unconditional love, will tend to keep secrets, conceal their failings and weaknesses, and pretend to be someone other than who they are. On the other hand, a family marked by loving trust, come what may, helps its members to be themselves and spontaneously to reject deceit, falsehood, and lies” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 115).

In a trusting context, one has no need to hide. Children who grow up in this context will know that they will be accepted always, and so will have the courage to own up to shortcomings. Examine your conscience today about whether you’ve fallen into suspicion, unfair judgment, or seeming to withhold your love due to a shortcoming of a family member.

June 1

“Love hopes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “Panta elpízei. Love does not despair of the future. Following upon what has just been said, this phrase speaks of the hope of one who knows that others can change, mature and radiate unexpected beauty and untold potential” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 116).

A common phrase of spouses is, “Oh, he/she will never change.” While it’s not your job to change your spouse, it’s also not true that people do not grow and change over time with the help of God. After all, don’t you? Ask the Lord to increase your hope.

June 2

“Love hopes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “[Hoping all things] does not mean that everything will change in this life. It does involve realizing that, though things may not always turn out as we wish, God may well make crooked lines straight and draw some good from the evil we endure in this world” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 116).

Supernatural hope keeps our eyes on eternity. Today, entrust problems into God’s hands and ask him to “make the crooked straight.”

June 3

“Love hopes all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “[In heaven], the person’s true being will shine forth in all its goodness and beauty. This realization helps us, amid the aggravations of this present life, to see each person from a supernatural perspective, in the light of hope, and await the fullness that he or she will receive in the heavenly kingdom, even if it is not yet visible” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 117).

C.S. Lewis wrote that a soul in glory will be so beautiful that we can hardly look at him or her. Pray tonight for all the members of your family to attain to the Kingdom through Christ’s grace.

June 4

“Love endures all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “Panta hypoménei. This means that love bears every trial with a positive attitude. It stands firm in hostile surroundings. This ‘endurance’ involves not only the ability to tolerate certain aggravations, but something greater: a constant readiness to confront any challenge. It is a love that never gives up, even in the darkest hour” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 118, emphasis original).

Every family endures hard times. Recall one such hard time with your spouse, and try to see what good God may have drawn out of it, or, if you can’t see that yet, what you hope he will draw out of it.

June 6

“Love endures all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “In family life, we need to cultivate that strength of love which can help us fight every evil threatening it” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 119).

What is an evil that is threatening your family today? This may be from within (resentment, exhaustion, sin) or without (technology, entertainment, financial hardship). How are you fighting it?

June 7

“Love endures all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

Pope Francis: “I am sometimes amazed to see men or women who have had to separate from their spouse for their own protection, yet, because of their enduring conjugal love, still try to help them, even by enlisting others, in their moments of illness, suffering or trial. Here too we see a love that never gives up” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 119).

Do you know anyone in the situation that Pope Francis mentions here? Reach out to give that family a hand. If you do not know anyone personally, consider a donation to a domestic violence ministry.

June 8

“Love never fails” (1 Cor 13:8).

This is the conclusion of the AL Challenge. Did you make it through? Share your stories via Facebook.

Why Do We Celebrate Easter for 50 Days?

Most people think of Easter as a single day. It’s never had the commercial appeal of Christmas, and because it always falls on Sunday, most people don’t get an additional day off from work. But for Catholics, Easter isn’t just a day, it’s a whole season. The Easter season stretches all the way to the feast of Pentecost. Lent, which sometimes feels like it’s stretching on forever, is actually forty days long. Easter, on the other hand, is all of fifty days long. About these fifty days theologian Nathan Mitchell writes:

“The great fifty days of Pentecost are not an unwelcome, unrealistic obligation to ‘party on,’ even if we don’t feel like it, but an invitation to explore more deeply ‘the weather of the heart,’ to awaken our memory of God’s presence and power in our lives, to look more closely at all the rich and varied textures of creation.”

One way the church pursues this goal of seeing God present in the world is through the reading of the Acts of the Apostles. At Masses all through the Easter season, our usual practice of reading from the Old Testament is replaced be reading from the Acts of the Apostles. These readings tell the story of the church’s earliest days, and the beginnings of our faith’s spreading throughout the ancient world. These stories of heroism, controversies, persecutions and miracles all testify to the continued presence of the Risen Christ in the world, through the lives of his disciples, and the actions of the Holy Spirit.

All of this should be an encouragement and a sign of hope for us today. Despite war, violence, personal struggles, and an under-performing economy, God has not abandoned us, nor left us to our own devices. The risen savior is still with us. These 50 days of Easter ask us to reflect on his presence, and—even in the face of danger or fear—to live with joy.

For reflection

How can you and your family mark the 50 days of Easter this year? Here are some suggestions:

  • Check out For Your Marriage’s Easter Pinterest board!
  • Decorate your house for the season! Place fresh flowers on your table and mantle – you can even place flowers on crucifixes in your house. Frame or write out a quote from one of the Gospels and display it somewhere prominent.
  • Continue with spiritual resolutions, such as reading the Scriptures together as a family. Here are some lectio divina worksheets from the USCCB especially for the Easter season.
  • As the weather warms, plant a garden together to commemorate Easter morning, where Mary Magdalene found Christ in the garden.
  • Consider reading Acts of the Apostles or some of the New Testament letters as a family during this liturgical season.
  • The Easter season is a time of celebration! The Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary are particularly fitting for this time. Pray a decade as a family each week night.
  • Divine Mercy Sunday is celebrated the Sunday after Easter. To prepare for the celebration, consider praying the Divine Mercy novena that Christ revealed to St. Faustina. Starting on Good Friday, the novena spans from Good Friday through Saturday of the Octave of Easter. The novena can be found at EWTN’s website.

Here are some articles across For Your Marriage reflecting on the Easter season:

Lenten Resolutions for Married Couples, Inspired by Pope Francis

Are you wondering how to grow in holiness this Lent, together with your spouse? Try following some advice from the Pope! In his homilies and addresses, Pope Francis has spoken quite directly about how husband and wife should treat each other, about prayer within the family, and other ways the family lives its identity as a “domestic Church.” So this Lent, why not commit with your spouse to try one of the following Lenten resolutions, based on words from the Holy Father?

1. Be courteous to your spouse. Use polite requests: “May I? Can I?” For example, “Would you like for us to do this?” and “Do you want to go out tonight?”

“To ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. …True love does not impose itself harshly and aggressively.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014.)

2. Say “thank you” to your spouse. “It seems so easy to say these words, but we know that it is not. But it is important! … It is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift from God – and for the gifts of God we say thank you!” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

3. Ask forgiveness from your spouse. Say, “I’m sorry.”

“Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask to forgiveness. ‘Forgive me if today I raised my voice’; ‘I’m sorry if I passed without greeting you’; ‘excuse me if I was late’.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

“Never let the sun go down without making peace! Never, never, never!” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

“It is important to have the courage to ask forgiveness when we are at fault in the family.” (Address to Participants in the Pilgrimage of Families, Rome, Oct. 26, 2013)

4. Pray together with your spouse and family.

“Praying the Our Father together, around the table, is not something extraordinary: it’s easy. And praying the Rosary together, as a family, is very beautiful and a source of great strength! And also praying for one another! The husband for his wife, the wife for her husband, both together for their children, the children for their grandparents…praying for each other. This is what it means to pray in the family and it is what makes the family strong: prayer.” (Homily for Family Day, Rome, Oct. 27, 2013)

Pray to the Lord to “multiply your love and give it to you fresh and good each day.” Pray together, “Lord, give us this day our daily love.” (Address to Engaged Couples, Rome, Feb. 14, 2014)

5. Visit the elderly, especially your grandparents. “Grandparents are like the wisdom of the family, they are the wisdom of a people. … Listen to your grandparents.” (Address to Participants in the Pilgrimage of Families, Rome, Oct. 26, 2013)

“How important grandparents are for family life, for passing on the human and religious heritage which is so essential for each and every society!” (Angelus at World Youth Day, Rio de Janeiro, July 26, 2013)

6. Share the faith with others. “Christian families are missionary families. …They are missionary also in everyday life, in their doing everyday things, as they bring to everything the salt and the leaven of faith!” (Homily for Family Day, Rome, Oct. 27, 2013)

About the author
Bethany Meola is the Assistant Director of the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. She hopes to grow in holiness during Lent with her husband, Dan.

Couple Cycles 3,360 Miles for Lasting Marriages

Time surely does fly by when you are very happily married. In the early days of our marriage my husband, Ric, and I imagined a life of friendship and love together, promising that we would never mention or even think of d______ (what so many people do to end their marriages). The word would not even exist in our vocabulary. And we have had so many wonderful years together. We wish all people were better prepared for marriage and chose more carefully the wife or husband they commit to “till death do us part” so every marriage would last and be the “happily ever after” it is meant to be.

We have been cyclists for all of our married life and we thought how fun it would be to ride our bikes across the United States, a dream that we had almost forgotten amongst the days and years of work and family life. With both kids grown and off on their own, we decided this was the way we would celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary – on a tandem ride across the United States. But we didn’t want this ride to be just about us. We wanted to somehow help others in their own marriages. So from Oceanside, California to Yorktown, Virginia we searched for couples who had helpful advice on what makes for a happy, lasting marriage.

Starting off at the Pacific Ocean

Our journey began on June 27, 2015 with a great send-off. About twenty friends and relatives joined us for breakfast in Oceanside including Karen, one of the friends that had introduced us to each other in college. From there we rode for 40 days, taking one day off per week to rest. Every day we would find someone to interview asking them, “What advice would you give to people who are preparing to get married or who are newly married?” We would then post the advice with a description of our ride for the day and some photos on our Facebook page “Lasting Marriage Bike Tour.” On the page we also put some book recommendations, posted articles on marriage, listed marriage resources and 25 love songs that speak about true love.

Beautiful scenery in Colorado

Traveling through Monument Valley in Arizona

Experience is a great teacher if you take the time to reflect upon it, so we interviewed people who had been married for a long time. The advice we received from these friendly people, most of whom were complete strangers to us, is valuable advice that would help anyone trying to build a successful marriage. Quite a few of our followers commented how much they appreciated the advice; some couples saying that they read our posts every night before they went to bed. We pray that it will help many others.

Some Advice from People Across the U.S.

  • Have God in your life and go to church together
  • Never stop listening and never stop talking
  • Be your spouse’s best friend
  • Don’t be selfish
  • Learn to compromise, to give and take
  • Persevere, always remember why you got married
  • Tell your spouse how much you love them

We made it to the east coast on August 12th, 2015. Overall, we traveled through nine states and rode 3,360 miles. We met so many good people and saw many beautiful sights. What a great adventure and a great way to spend time together celebrating our anniversary!

Ric and Anne’s celebratory dinner in Yorktown, VA