Author Archives: Robert Fletcher

About Robert Fletcher

I am the Senior Web Developer at Crosby Marketing.

Later Years

The later years includes the blissful “empty-nest” season of a marriage that can feel like a second honeymoon. Many couples welcome their new freedom, while others have a hard time letting go. Sometimes a couple who happily thought they were in the empty-nest stage are faced with a boomerang young adult who again needs their care, presence, home, and perhaps babysitting services. The later years can also bring major health issues and the gradual loss of abilities.

Couples who marry later in life enter the later years of their lives but it’s the early years of their marriage. Men and women who marry after a divorce and declaration of nullity, or death of a spouse, or after waiting for the right person, experience in their later years some of the same adjustments of young marrieds.

Issues of diminishing health, grief over peers dying, and significant blocks of togetherness time are common. Thus, the wife who married her husband “for better or for worse, but not for lunch together!” becomes a poignant cliché.

How do couples re-negotiate their relationship to take into account their new freedom, increased time together, possibly decreased income, and fading health and energy? Some do it with grace because over the years they’ve learned the marital dance of flexibility and tolerance. Some complain a lot – about life, about each other, about the weather.

Some may want to complain but know that’s not very endearing. Yet they struggle with letting go of the old patterns and roles of their life together. For these couples, the desire to let go with grace may be enough motivation to:

  • Attend a marriage enrichment program geared especially to older couples
  • Explore new hobbies and interests together
  • Volunteer with their church, community, or other good causes that would benefit from their experience
  • Deepen their spirituality to help them deal with the losses and limitations of later life
  • Forgive others’ faults and drop long-held grudges

For Further Reading:

Conflict Resolution

Communication usually comes easily and smoothly to most engaged couples. They can talk to each other about just anything. It may even be hard to understand how or why married couples fight. You may say to yourselves, “We’ll never be like that.” And maybe you won’t.

On the other hand, you may have already had some quarrels and worry about how to get through these times more smoothly in the future. Wedding planning can bring up all kinds of new areas that spark disagreements.

What you are experiencing is normal for your relationship stage. The challenge is not to avoid conflict but to learn to use it to clear the air. Through it all, you’ll want to love and respect each other.

Even as two people grow close together, they will occasionally think differently and have different opinions on how to handle a situation. If this doesn’t ever occur, it is likely that one partner is avoiding a confrontation, submerging his/her identity, or always giving in. That’s not healthy for marriage over the long haul.

Intimacy / Cohabitation

As a courting or engaged couple, you have probably discussed where to draw the line about sexual intimacy before marriage. The Catholic Church teaches that every act of sexual intercourse is intended by God to express love, commitment and openness to life in the total gift of the spouses to each other. This total commitment is possible only in marriage.

As you move towards marriage, it’s important to make sure that sexual intimacy builds on other kinds of intimacy and does not short circuit your knowing each other on many levels.

What are those other levels? John Van Epp, Ph.D. explains in his book, How To Avoid Marrying a Jerk, that a healthy sexual relationship comes in stages of bonding:

  1. Knowledge of the other beyond the superficial
  2. Trust in the other to be a person of integrity
  3. Reliability of the other to be a person you can count on
  4. Commitment to the other that is not temporary
  5. Sexual Touch in which you give yourself fully to your beloved

Van Epp says the order is important. Couples should “never go further in one bonding area than you have gone in the previous.” The risk of disappointment and going beyond your safety zone will not bring you lasting happiness.

Steps leading to sexual intimacy, however, are not the whole of what intimacy is about. Long-married couples know that intimacy includes so much more than just the physical. The emotional intimacy of being able to share your most private and cherished thoughts is a pre-requisite for a fulfilling marriage. Knowing that you can be vulnerable and your spouse will not use sensitive information to hurt you is another form of intimacy. Realizing that your relationship does not depend on looks, talent, success, or perfection is a kind of intimacy that money cannot buy.

What about couples who live together before marriage? How does this impact a future marriage and ability to be intimate on more than just the sexual level? Given the high divorce rate, it would seem logical to live together before marriage in order to know your partner more fully.

As intuitive as this assumption sounds, current research does not bear it out. Studies (Whitehead and Popenoe, 2002) show that:

  • Women in cohabiting relationships, and their children, are more likely to be abused.
  • Cohabiting couples have lower levels of happiness and wellbeing compared to married couples.

Why does living together before marriage to prevent divorce end up harming one’s marriage? The answer has to do with the dynamics of commitment. Cohabiting before marriage generally means that at least one partner is not ready to commit to a permanent relationship. One or both partners are holding something back. They might be censoring their words and actions to put their best foot forward, lest they lose the relationship. In other words, what you see may not be what you end up getting. Communication may not be completely honest. For example, the couple may avoid sensitive subjects that they fear will disturb the relationship. One partner may give in unduly out of fear that the other will leave.

Another pitfall of cohabiting is “low commitment/high autonomy” relationships. This means that since the couple’s commitment to each other is not yet complete, each retains a degree of independence in the relationship. The longer this pattern continues the harder it is to make the transition to the high commitment needed for marriage.

Does this mean that cohabiting couples are doomed to misery and divorce? No, but it does give the thoughtful person cause to pause and re-evaluate. Whitehead and Popenoe recommend the following:

  • Consider not living together at all before marriage. There is no evidence that cohabitors who eventually marry will have a stronger marriage than those who don’t live together. Instead, they may be at greater risk for divorce. Some studies indicate that those who live together with definite plans for marriage are at minimal risk; however, there are no positive effects from cohabiting.
  • Do not make a habit of cohabiting. Be aware of the dangers of multiple living together experiences. Contrary to popular wisdom, multiple cohabiting experiences do not teach one how to have better relationships.
  • Understand the danger of lengthy cohabitation. The longer you live together with a partner, the more likely that the low-commitment ethic of cohabitation will take hold, the opposite of what a successful marriage requires.
  • Do not cohabit if children are involved. Cohabiting parents break up at a much higher rate than married parents. Moreover, children living in cohabiting unions with stepfathers or mothers’ boyfriends are at higher risk of sexual abuse and physical violence.

Balancing Careers and Family

Balancing career and family is one of the greatest challenges facing newly married couples. Just when you thought marriage was going to simplify your life, you start to realize that there are decisions ahead, such as:

  • Whose career takes priority?
  • Will both of us continue to work outside the home once we have children?
  • Is it fair for me to be stuck in a dead-end job in order to put you through school?
  • Will the spouse with the higher income have more say in how our money is spent?
  • If you work and I work, who does the housework?

Don’t lock yourselves into a house or car payment that requires two incomes.

All of a sudden, wedding planning looks minor by comparison. And it should, because these are big decisions that affect your future lives together. But you don’t have to make them alone and you don’t have to make them in a vacuum.

This website cannot give you personalized career advice, but we can pass on the wisdom of many practitioners in the field of marriage enrichment. One frequent question that comes up in marriage preparation programs is:

Should one spouse quit work when children are born?

Answer: Maybe yes, maybe no.

It certainly helps to have one parent at home nurture and raise the child according to the values you hold. It makes life a lot easier and less stressful.

On the other hand, this is not always financially or professionally possible. A lot depends on your income and job. Also, some parents don’t have the temperament to spend many hours with young children. It can be draining and exhausting.

Like many couples, you may want to keep your options open. To do this, family life educators often recommend that if both spouses are employed when you get married, try to live on one spouse’s income. Use the second income for one-time purchases such as a down payment on a house or furniture, savings, or optional recreation. Don’t lock yourselves into a house or car payment that requires two incomes. This way, when you have your first child you are free to choose. You may have always expected that both of you would continue working outside the home once you had a child. BUT…you may feel differently once parental instincts kick in. You may not change your minds, but at least you have a choice.

Children & Parenting

On their wedding day, the bride and groom are asked: “Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” Dreaming together about the children you hope to have is one of the most exciting parts of getting married. However, unless you’re entering a step-parent family or already have children, the nuts and bolts of daily parenting are probably not high on your radar screen. Here’s a suggested list of items that couples should discuss before they get married regarding children and parenting. See if you’ve covered most of them.

Childbearing

  • Do we both want to have children? [Note: Because the Catholic Church teaches that marriage is ordered toward the union of spouses and the procreation and education of children, if one or both spouses intend never to have children (as opposed to postponing pregnancy for a just reason), the marriage could be considered invalid.]
  • Do we hope to have children right away? What are the financial, educational, or medical factors that could affect this decision?
  • If we are hoping to postpone pregnancy, do we both accept the Catholic Church’s teaching that contraception is immoral? If not, are we willing to learn more about what the Church teaches and why?
  • Are we familiar with Natural Family Planning? Are we open to using NFP either to postpone pregnancy or to try to conceive? Have we taken an NFP class together? (See also, “When Can We Use NFP?”)
  • How many children do we hope to have? What are the financial, educational, or medical factors that could affect this decision? For example, how do we envision educating our children (homeschool, Catholic or private school, or public school)? Do we hope to pay for our children’s college education? Do these issues affect what we think about the number of children in our family?
  • Do we feel pressure from our parents or in-laws either to have children right away or to postpone pregnancy? How will we deal with that?
  • If we have difficulty conceiving, how would we deal with potential infertility? What if our physician confirmed that we were infertile? How would we feel? What would we do? Are we aware of what the Church teaches in regards to infertility treatments and reproductive technology?
  • Would we ever consider becoming foster parents or adopting?
  • How would we deal with an unexpected pregnancy? What would we do if our physician told us that our unborn baby was sick or would be handicapped?

Parenting

  • What did you like most about the way you were raised?
  • What would you like to change in the way you raise your own children?
  • If one of us is not Catholic, have we discussed in which faith we hope to raise our children? [Note: The Catholic Church teaches that in a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic, the Catholic party must promise to do all in his/her power to raise their children in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic party must be aware of this promise but is not asked to make the same promise his/herself. See the article on Interfaith Marriages for more information.]
  • How do we plan to pass on the faith to our children?
  • How do I expect parenting to change our marriage?
  • Do we want one parent to stay at home once we have a child? How will having a child affect both of our careers and/or educational goals?
  • What role do we anticipate our extended families playing in raising our children?
  • What is the hardest thing I expect to deal with in raising a child?
  • What do I anticipate the most about becoming a father or mother? What causes me anxiety about future parenthood?

Faith and Spirituality

When couples are on the verge of a major life transition such as marriage, they begin to think about life, love, values…and the future. To a great extent this is what spirituality is about – our human search for happiness and the meaning of life. Is life just about the here and now? Do morals make any difference? Is death really the end? Is there a reason to live beyond my own comfort? Is that all there is?

Perhaps you’re putting off some of these heavy questions for a rainy day when your job is more settled, or wedding pressures subside… or you reach retirement. Whether you address them or not, however, the big life issues will not disappear. They may go underground until a crisis appears – an accident, a child with a serious illness, or a looming divorce. All of a sudden, you start wondering what is the rock on which you ground your life? That’s the way some people discover their spiritual sides, but you don’t have to wait for a crisis. It’s so much easier to let faith keep your relationship strong, rather than rescue you in an emergency.

What difference does faith make to a marriage? This time before marriage is an opportunity to take stock of your basic beliefs. Share them with your beloved and chart how you will live out your beliefs and values together.

Does this mean you have to share the same faith? That’s nice, but it’s more important to talk about what God means to you, what spiritual practices you find meaningful, and how you can support each other once you are married. If only one spouse believes that faith is important, how does he or she stay motivated to attend services if the other is sleeping or recreating? It’s not impossible, but it’s more supportive to go to services together.

Pew Research from 2015 found that 39% of Americans have a spouse who is of a different faith. Research conducted by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (1999) showed a higher incidence of divorce among interchurch couples (20.3%) than among same-church couples (14.1%). (Interchurch couples are Christians of different denominations, e.g., a Baptist and a Catholic or a Methodist and a Presbyterian). Religion can bring spouses together or push them apart. Couples may be of different religions, but that in itself does not predict marital instability. What’s important is whether couples engage in joint religious activities. For example, do they pray together or read the Bible together?

Although research finds that greater religious practice is related to lower rates of divorce there is not necessarily a causal relationship. It may be that people who are more actively religious are more likely to oppose divorce, or maybe they work harder at their marital relationship.

Let’s say you are both religious, but from different religions. Perhaps you share spirituality but not a church home. Certainly some spouses, strongly committed to their faith, will continue to worship regularly and be active church members, but it’s harder to go alone, split financial support, and devote time to two separate congregations.

The solutions to these dilemmas are as unique as the couples who marry. Here are some steps that any couple can take, regardless of faith affiliation.

Talk with each other about important stuff.

Start with the basics:

  • Who is God for you?
  • What code of ethics guides your life?
  • Do you value weekly worship?
  • What kind of prayer is comfortable and satisfying to you?
  • How important is it that your spouse shares your religious beliefs?
  • Are you lukewarm in your religious commitment and likely to fade away if you have to do it alone?

If you’ve never practiced a religion, consider giving it a try.

Although becoming more spiritual is a value for anyone, styles of worship vary as much as the unique people who are seeking the meaning of life. Try out more than one place of worship. If the first one doesn’t fit you, try again. It’s worth the effort.

Visit each other’s church/synagogue/mosque.

If each of you belongs to a different faith tradition, learn more about the beliefs of that religion. You’re not trying to convert the other but to understand what shapes your partner’s values.

If you are getting married in a religious ceremony, use this opportunity.

If you are getting married in a religious setting it means that faith is important to at least one of you. Use this opportunity to discuss questions of faith with your spiritual leader. These are the kind of conversations that you may have intended to explore some day, but you’ve put it off. Now your life is about to change. Use your contact with the priest, minister, rabbi, or imam to go deeper.

Become a grown-up person of faith.

Often people are raised in a religious home. They attend religious education classes, and maybe even Catholic or other religious schools for 8, 12, or 16 years. But their faith formation got stuck in childhood. If you have grown distant from the faith of your childhood, check it out again on an adult level. If you were a lawyer or doctor you wouldn’t think of practicing your profession based on high school information. Update your knowledge of your faith. You don’t have to have a degree in theology but you should not rely on childhood explanations in an adult world.

Make your home a place of unity.

Even if the two of you come from different faith traditions and are committed to continuing them, make your home a place where you merge prayer, rituals, and religious traditions. Since prayer at home is less formal, you can develop creative, inclusive times of prayer and faith devotions together. Experiment with the rituals of each other’s faith and blend them to fit your family. The point is not whose church you go to, but rather that you bring it all home.

Don’t wait until you have a child.

It’s tempting to put off decisions about how you will share your faith (or ignore it) until you have your first child. Don’t! A child is too important to become a battleground. If faith is important to you, discuss how each of you wants to share your faith with any children you may have before you are married. If you are Catholic, this question will be part of your marriage preparation. Discussing how you will raise your children can clarify how committed each of you is to your faith and beliefs.

Personality Audit

As you enter into and deepen any healthy, intimate relationship, you need to know yourself. One important aspect of identity is your personality, which develops unconsciously and can be shaped by your upbringing and environment. How do you handle conflict? In which social situations do you feel most comfortable? Which virtues come most easily to you, and which vices do you have to fight hardest against? How do you prefer to tackle big projects, household chores, and daily tasks?

Engagement is a great time to know yourself – and your future spouse – better! As you move toward marriage, consider taking this Personality Audit. Print two copies and ask your fiance(e) to take it, too.

About the author
Susan Vogt is an author and speaker on marriage, parenting, and spirituality. Her website is SusanVogt.net.

Family of Origin

The term “Family of Origin” refers to the family that you grew up in – your parents and siblings. It may also include a grandparent, other relative, or divorced parents who lived with you during part of your childhood. These people strongly influence who we become.

Men and women who grew up in relatively healthy, functional families make adjustments in a marriage relationship. They learn to accommodate each other. At times you may smile (or cringe) when your spouse has a different way of doing something, i.e. the wrong way. You might complain, but then adjust.

For example, perhaps your mother was a fanatic about keeping a clean, neat house. You might swear that you’ll never be a slave to such a compulsion. But then you notice that your spouse is a “relaxed” housekeeper and the clutter he or she finds tolerable is starting to get on your nerves. You find comfort in returning to your own “relatively organized” space.

In marriage, of course, there are a million of these differences, many minor, some big. You can and will argue about some of them, insisting that your way is the right way. It helps to take a breath and remember that unless the health department is threatening to evict you for health/safety violations, probably neither of you is completely wrong. There is room for compromise.

If your family of origin had serious problems such as alcoholism, abuse, infidelity, or mental illness, the unlearning and relearning can be more complicated. Adult awareness will help you not to repeat negative patterns modeled during the formative years. Once you become aware of the patterns of your family of origin, you can change them. It’s not easy, but individual and couple counseling can free a spouse from repeating destructive behaviors.

Be sure to exercise caution if either of you comes from a family with divorced parents. Many couples, observing the heartache caused by their parents’ break-up, resolve to do everything possible to avoid divorce. Since commitment is a strong predictor of marital success, this is an important strength. On the other hand, since the child of divorce may not have witnessed healthy conflict resolution or values in the family of origin, there may be underlying skill or attitude gaps.

Take the time to explore what you learned about life, love, and conflict in your family of origin so that you can understand how this influences your current relationship – for better and for worse.

Questions for Discussion:

  • What aspects of your parents’ relationship do you admire? What aspects do you hope not to imitate? Note: For couples with experience of divorce in one or both families of origin, you may want to read the Must Have Conversations: Commitment page to explore potential effects of your parents’ divorce on your future marriage.
  • How did your family communicate? How did you resolve conflicts? How did you make decisions? Are there communication patterns that you hope either to follow or to change in your own family?
  • What was your family of origin’s approach to money and finances?
  • What are some family traditions that you value and hope to bring into your future family? Have you discussed initial ideas about how, and with whom, you will celebrate holiday times such as Thanksgiving and Christmas?
  • Did your family spend time together? What pastimes or recreational activities did they enjoy? Are these experiences you hope to have in your family one day?
  • What role did faith play in your family life?
  • What role did technology and media play in your family?
  • Do you have any concerns about becoming a member of your significant other’s family when you marry? Have you discussed appropriate boundaries to have with your future in-laws, for example communication pathways, what to do if a conflict arises, and how to decide when and how often to visit each other’s family?

Further Reading from For Your Marriage:

Encouragement and Enrichment

Good marriages can always be made better! Pope Francis described marriage as “a project to be worked on together” and a “process of growth” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 218, 221). The Church provides many opportunities for spouses to deepen and refine their love for each other. The organizations listed below are dedicated to creating time and space for marriages to grow, and for helping parents raise their children well. Make your marriage a priority by seeking out enrichment opportunities together.

If your marriage has hit some serious difficulties, there are people who can help. Visit this page.

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.

Table of Contents

Faith Based Marriage Enrichment

10 Great Dates® To Energize Your Marriage
For all who have used 10 Great Dates® over the years, here’s some good news! This award-winning, easy-to-do, fun, broad, bible- and skill-based marriage education program disguised as 10 fun dates is now updated complete with a new expanded edition of the book with the latest research and input from millennium couples. Plus new cutting edge multi-media presentations make launching the dates easy and fun. Even presenter notes are included! Take advantage of the current date night phenomenon and offer 10 Great Dates in your parish and community. Couples come for a short 30-minute date launch; tear out the duplicate dating exercises in their book, and head out for their date. They go home more connected and more in love. Do this 10 times and you will be the hero to the couples in your parish.

Contact: 865-690-5887 or Arps@marriagealive.com

10 Great Dates: Connecting Faith, Love & Marriage
At last, a fun, easy way to help couples connect spiritually that they both will enjoy! 10 Great Dates: Connecting Faith, Love & Marriage combines the proven format of 10 Great Dates® with 10 dates that are each based on a spiritual theme, including Appreciating Your Differences, Experiencing God Together, Facing the Storms of Life and Connecting Through Prayer. Run this program as the traditional 10 Great Dates by having a short date launch and sending couples out on their date or it can also be used as a small group study utilizing the free Leader’s Guide available at www.10GreatDates.org. Before publishing this book, it was piloted in a number of Catholic churches and is crafted to work well in a Catholic setting.

Contact: 865-690-5887 or Arps@marriagealive.com

Annunciation Ministries
Annunciation ministries’ mission is to strengthen the vocation of marriage through consultation, training, events, and resources for dioceses, parishes, and married couples.

The Alexander House: Covenant of Love Ministry
The internationally recognized Covenant of Love ministry programs can help to build a thriving parish community by building and supporting strong, joyful, and lasting marriages focused on God’s plan for marriage.

Contact: Greg Alexander at 210-858-6195 or greg@thealexanderhouse.org

The BEATITUDES: A Couple’s Path to Greater Joy
This marriage enrichment program explores the Beatitudes as a path to holiness in Christian marriage. The program is based on John Bosio’s book, Blessed is Marriage: a Guide to the Beatitudes of Catholic Couples. The program, which contains six videos, handouts for participants, opening prayers, and a coordinator’s guide, is very versatile. It can be used in date nights programs, small discussion groups, or in couples’ retreats.

Contact: 615-758-9694 or jbosio1@aol.com

BELOVED: Finding Happiness in Marriage – Home Edition
Beloved is a video-based enrichment program by the Augustine Institute that explores the true meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage. In six sessions, you’ll discover the deepest spiritual, emotional, and practical realities of what your marriage can and should be. Through an exploration of Scripture, Tradition, and Church teaching, God’s plan for your marriage will come alive. You’ll see firsthand the wonder, mystery, and joy behind that first “I do”—whether you said it last year or many years ago.

Beloved sessions are presented on a 6-DVD set, and kits come complete with Couple’s and Leader’s Guides – everything you need to experience the full power of Beloved for marriage enrichment.

Contact Colleen at (866) 767-3155
Watch the trailer for Beloved: Finding Happiness in Marriage

The Cana Institute
Cana Institute guides couples toward vibrant marriages by helping them understand the dynamics between the spiritual and problem-solving components of marriage.

Contact: Bridget Brennan, MA, MA, President and Jerome Shen, PhD at 314-313-0613
or joy@canainstitute.org

Catholic Couple Checkup
Catholic Couple Checkup is an online relationship assessment (powered by PREPARE/ENRICH) that couples can take without the help of a facilitator or counselor. Tailored to each couple and the Catholic faith, the computer-generated report helps couples discover their strength and growth areas across several relationship categories such as communication, conflict resolution, roles, financial management, personality and more. Couples can bring their results to a priest, marriage mentors, or marriage enrichment group to work through their results, or download the PDF Discussion Guide to unpack the results and build relationship skills on their own.

Contact: 800-331-1661

Charis Ministries
Founded in 2000, Charis Ministries reaches those in their 20’s and 30’s throughout the country, nurturing their faith through retreats based in Ignatian Spirituality. Charis’ Christ Alive in Our Marriage retreat invites couples in their first five years of marriage to reflect on how Christ is alive in their marriages, and how they are called to make Christ Alive in our world. Visit the website for more information on the retreat, and to find a schedule of upcoming retreats.

Christian Family Movement
This network of families supports each other in living their faith in daily life at home, in the workplace, and in their communities. In the U.S. and international. English and Spanish.

Contact: 800-581-9824 or office@cfm.org

Colorado Marriage Refresh
The Colorado Marriage Refresh is a Christian marriage retreat aimed at “reducing the divorce rate one marriage at a time.” It is developed by psychologist Dr. Wyatt Fisher and his wife Alia. The seminar offers a unique blend of Scripture, marriage research, clinical experience, and personal testimony on the peaks and valleys from their own marital journey. For couples wanting to laugh as well as cry and breathe new life back into their relationship, this conference is for you!

Contact: info@christiancrush.com

The Couple Prayer Series
A six-week series to help married and engaged couples develop closer relationships with God and each other as they learn to pray in safe, close and comfortable ways.

Contact: coupleprayer@gmail.com

The Covenant Experience
The Covenant Experience is an innovative parish program presented by lay couples and parish staff to enhance a Catholic couple’s appreciation of their sacrament of Matrimony. English and Spanish.

Contact: 305-253-2036

Discovering Our Deepest Desire
“Discovering Our Deepest Desire” (DODD) is a 12 week marriage enrichment program that can be taught by instructors or facilitated by lay leaders using the video series provided. Utilizing a therapeutic model for change, this curriculum systematically walks a couple through skills and knowledge for changing unhealthy patterns in their relationship, as well as connecting the information to elements from St. Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body teaching. Helping couple to divorce proof their marriage, couples learn 7 steps to strengthening their marriage and to ultimately build a Eucharistic Marriage. The DODD program engages couples through the use of Q&A, Scripture and Catechism readings, activities, as well as homework in each session.

Contact: Greg Schutte at 1-937-262-7010 or gschutte@ourdeepestdesire.com

Domestic Church Movement
Domestic Church is the family branch of the Light-Life Movement, founded in Poland by Servant of God, Fr. Franciszeck Blachnicki with the guidance, support, and influence of his bishop, Karol Wojtyla (Pope Saint John Paul II). The movement provides long term formation for couples looking to grow in holiness together. After attending an initial retreat, couples meet in groups to share their joys and sorrows, pray together, and go over their progress in their spiritual lives.

Contact: 337-764-1562 or domesticchurchfamilies@gmail.com

Fight Less, Love More Couples Course
Bestselling author, Harvard lawyer and couples mediator Laurie Puhn and Family Dynamics Institute have brought you this empowering course based on the bestselling book Fight Less, Love More: 5 Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship Without Blowing Up or Giving In. This step-by-step course is the perfect way to enrich your marriage at any stage.

In each of the nine one-hour classes, you will experience the benefit of using the 5-Minute Conversations to avoid and reduce conflict, increase appreciation, intimacy and respect, give a perfect apology and create a personalized daily communication routine that will help you grow stronger and closer in your marriage.

There is also an online version of the course that takes place in a virtual classroom, which allows couples and the course leader to interact. Visit www.fightlesslovemore.com for more information and class dates.

Contact: 800-650-9995 or kmayfield@familydynamics.net

The Foundational Intimacy: Eucharist as the Model for Marriage
Available as an overnight retreat and in a day-long format, this skills-based workshop offers practical information and time for prayer and reflection.

Contact: 320-255-9035 or jimotremba@gmail.com

For Your Military Marriage
ForYourMilitaryMarriage.com, is an initiative of Worldwide Marriage Encounter to enrich, affirm and encourage military married couples in their relationships and families, and to offer the resources and support of an online network of Catholic military married couples for every age and every stage of married life.

The Hitch Fix Seminar
You invest in your business, your home, and your retirement…but what about your marriage? The Hitch Fix Seminar, offered by Millennials for Marriage, is an engaging couples experience that is designed to identify areas of relational struggles and provide strategic communication and intentional dialogue to strengthen them.

If you are interested in hosting The Hitch Fix at your parish, use this contact form.

Holy Catholic Marriage
Grow your marriage in true intimacy by listening to our weekly marriage Podcasts based on each Sunday’s Scriptural Readings. Great for marriage preparation or for those who have been married decades and still desire more from their marriages. Grow closer to your spouse each week as you listen, share and implement ways of loving each other as Jesus intended for your sacramental marriage. Week after week and month after month, begin to renew your marriage by listening, understanding and loving each other as you hoped to be loved on your wedding day.

Hope Springs Florida
A nonprofit organization that helps families with a child with special needs re-energize and restore healthy relationships. HSF offers more than a vacation respite home for those with autism; it offers hope to working class families in a seaside environment by handling all the details necessary for a relaxing vacation. This includes airport and ground transportation, dietary and sensory need accommodation, and preferred access to recreational activities near historic Saint Augustine, FL. HSF is founded on the principle of hope, as expressed by Pope Francis: “When there is no human hope, there is that hope that carries us forward, humble, simple—but it gives a joy, at times a great joy, at times only of peace, but the security that hope does not disappoint: hope doesn’t disappoint.”

For more information, contact Joe Rodgers at 614-886-5510 or rodgers_2244@hotmail.com.

Living in Love
A parish-based retreat workshop for newlyweds and young married couples that presents insights from Theology of the Body through the witness of other young couples. A followup program, Living in Love Every Day, teaches Theology of the Body life skills to married couples as an extension of the Living in Love retreat workshop and/or a mentor training course for Preparing to Live in Love.

Contact: 877-201-2142 or PMRCusa@msn.com

Marriage Enrichment, Inc
Non-profit, non-denominational, and nationwide, Christian Marriage Workshops build positive communication skills in marriage and family relationships through private and small group activities.

Contact: 800-72-N-RICH or info@marriageenrichment.org

Marriage Enrichment Program
This parish-based ministry for couples includes three programs: The Marriage Enrichment Weekend, the Retreat, and Engaged Enrichment. Archdiocese of Santa Fe. English and Spanish.

Contact: 505-831-8117 or mewinfo@yahoo.com

The Marriage in Christ Seminar
This parish-based ministry focuses on three key elements: friendship with God, friendship with one’s spouse, and invoking the power of the Holy Spirit.. The seminar includes one two-hour session per week for five weeks.

Contact: 651-789-2888 ext. 113 or info@marriageinchrist.com

Marriage Savers and Community Marriage Covenants
Clergy in over 150 cities have collaborated to develop Community Marriage Policies that call for rigorous marriage preparation and training Mentor Couples to help couples prepare for and strengthen their marriages.

Contact: 301-978-7108

Mass Impact
Having encountered Jesus Christ, a disciple is not marked by mere conviction, but by commitment. We are not about another program, but a way of life in Jesus Christ. We are about personal, family and parish transformation overflowing to the world. We are awakening families to their extraordinary life in Jesus Christ within their ordinary world. And it’s making a difference. Of those engaged with Mass Impact: 95% increased in talking and praying in their homes, 91% increased commitment to their parish communities, 86% increased in inviting others to participate in parish life.

Contact: ALIVE@MassImpact.us or (814) 449-9922

Ministry to the Newly Married
A parish-based mentoring program for newlywed couples offered by Agape Catholic Ministries. This five-year program pairs new married couples with couples married at least five years, with the goal of fostering the new couple’s relationship skills and broadening their understanding of each other and living out the Sacrament of Marriage.

Contact: 800-208-1364 or info@agapecatholicministries.com

More2Life Radio with Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak
Airing on over 300 stations across the US on EWTN Radio and on SiriusXM130 (and both live online & podcast at avemariaradio.net), More2Life is a call-in advice program that applies insights from Blessed Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and cutting-edge psychology to problems of daily living. In addition to callers, we feature a regular slate of guest experts.

Call in Monday-Friday from 10-11am E (9am-10am C) at 877-573-7825 to ask Dr. Greg and Lisa your questions.

National Marriage Encounter
National Marriage Encounter (NME) promotes and encourages marriage and family life by offering Marriage Encounter weekends and a support community. It is open to couples of all faiths and those of no religious affiliation.

Jeannette and Kent Babcock, National Marriage Encounter Business Administrators: 515-278-8458, bus-admin@marriage-encounter.org

ProSAAM: Program for Strong African American Marriages
ProSAAM is a marriage education curriculum designed to help African American couples have strong and healthy relationships. It incorporates major aspects of PREP plus a thoughtful and innovative use of prayer. In addition to the spiritual emphasis, the program includes materials and activities that recognize how institutional and implicit racism affects the success of African American marriages.

REFOCCUS
Now is the time to strengthen your marriage! Whether you’ve been married two, 25 or 50 years, the REFOCCUS marriage inventory is designed for you. Simply take the inventory, compare your responses, and let us help you dive into a better future with your spouse! This powerful tool is now easily accessible online at foccusinc.com. Available in English and Spanish, REFOCCUS can be used on your own or with a REFOCCUS facilitator.

Contact the FOCCUS team at 877-883-5422 to order REFOCCUS today!

SmartLoving BreakThrough
It’s easy to get discouraged by our disconnection. Arguments over petty incidents, too busy to romance each other, crowded with other responsibilities. We all go through these periods that we need a breakthrough in our relationship.SmartLoving BreakThrough is a practical, solution-focused course for all stages of marriage. Drawing on contemporary research and Catholic theology, this course will arm you with skills and insights to transform your relationship into the thriving, joy-filled encounter it’s meant to be.

SmartLoving Marriage Kit
The Marriage Kit offers a refreshing look into what it takes to build a healthy and happy relationship. Delivered online and with video presentations guiding couples through the course, it offers practical strategies, insights and a dash of humor to help revitalize and strengthen marriages.

The Second Half of Marriage
This small group resource is designed to help couples renew and re-energize their marriage for the empty nest years. For empty nesters and those whose nest may have refilled or never emptied, this resource will help couples renew their love, reinvent their marriage and make the rest the best. Based on the award-winning book The Second Half of Marriage, this video-based curriculum was filmed at Our Saviour’s Catholic Church in Cocoa Beach, FL. It is easy to lead and is great for small groups and retreats. The Second Half of Marriage curriculum includes 8 video sessions, Leader’s Guide and Participant’s book.

Contact: 865-690-5887 or Arps@marriagealive.com

SIX DATES for Catholic Couples
This easy-to-use program is a marriage-building resource for parishes. It includes six videos, handouts, a Program Coordinator’s Guide, and the book Happy Together, the Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage, by John Bosio.

Contact: 615-758-9694 or jbosio1@aol.com

Teams of Our Lady
We are a movement of “Married Spirituality” which brings together Christian couples united by the Sacrament of Marriage; and who wish, together, to deepen the graces of their Sacrament of Marriage.

Contact: 774-201-9827 or info@teamsofourlady.org

Thriving Families
Thriving Marriages teaches couples how to build unity, grow in resilience and intimacy, and overcome most marital crises. It is offered on three different 3-hour sessions mostly at local churches (California). Thriving Marriages Program, Book/CD’s are available in English & Spanish.

Contact: 949-851-1572 or Claire@ThrivingFamilies.com

Together in Holiness
Together in Holiness is a marriage conference series for dioceses that inspires spouses to grow together in holiness and empowers parents to form their children in the Catholic faith. Each conference brings to life a theme on marriage and family life from the teachings of St. John Paul II. The annual conferences include insightful and practical presentations for spouses, as well as Mass, Eucharistic Adoration, and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. As an initiative of the St. John Paul II Foundation, Together in Holiness conferences are offered in collaboration with dioceses and host parishes.

Contact: TH@forlifeandfamily.org

The VIRTUES: A Program for Couples
A marriage enrichment program that uses a variety of media to share a positive message about marriage and help couples master the good habits we call cardinal virtues: prudence, justice, temperance and fortitude. Developed by the creators of SIX DATES for Catholic Couples and The BEATITUDES: A Couple’s Path to Greater Joy.

Contact: 615-758-9694 or jbosio1@aol.com

United in Love – United in Christ
United will explore God’s plan and promise for spouses. The content will turn to the Church’s rich teaching on love and marriage as well as draw on personal stories from couples who are striving to build their lives in Christ. It creatively offers opportunities to reflect, learn, grow, communicate and experience a deepening in faith. United provides practical steps in building upon what Saint John Paul II taught to be the “Infallible” and “Indispensable” way to a truly united and faithful love!
The Parish Kit comes with 10 Couple’s Guides, United DVDs, Leader’s Guide, Leader’s Guide DVD, Parish Guide, and Parish Guide DVD.

To learn more about this new Parish Based or in home marriage enrichment program contact Jason Angelette at (504) 830-3716, jangelette@willwoods.org or visit www.FaithandMarriage.org.

A Worldwide Marriage Encounter
WWME is a weekend experience that teaches a technique of loving communication to promote intimate and responsible relationships and offers community support for the sacramental lifestyle modeled by the presenters. Offered in English, Spanish and Korean. Videos available here.

Contact: 563-608-3305 or jljwwme08@gmail.com

For Further Reading:

 

Faith Based Resources for Parenting

EnCourage
A ministry within the Courage apostolate dedicated to the spiritual needs of parents, siblings, children and other relatives and friends of persons who have same-sex attractions. Standing by the true teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, EnCourage members support one another and their loved ones through discussion, prayer and fellowship. Visit the EnCourage website to learn more and to find a local chapter: https://couragerc.org/encourage/

Family Honor
Established in 1988, Family Honor provides and promotes a family-centered, Catholic approach to chastity education through our programs, online course and other parent resources. Working through parishes and dioceses, our professionally-prepared presenters provide unique opportunities for parents to come with their son or daughter to one of our three in-person programs (Leading & Loving; Changes & Challenges; Real Love & Real Life) and experience it together. Our course, The Truth and Meaning of Sexuality, Love & Family, is available for continuing education via a flexible online format. Resources can be ordered from our online store.

Contact: 803.929.0858 or famhonor@aol.com

Families of Character
Families of Character is an on-line, discussion based course that develops character through virtues. Established in 2009, Families of Character (FOC) is a nonprofit organization committed to providing parents with the tools to live virtues, impart virtues to their children, and reverse the breakdown of families by helping to create happier, more unified families. Comprehensively focusing on one virtue at a time the course has created on-line videos, self-assessments tools, guided practice and goal tracking.

Contact: 303-773-0600 or info@familiesofcharacter.com

Freedom to Love
A complete study course for college students and young adults about the theology of the body, love, sexuality, chastity, relationships and more. Also a good resource for parents who want to engage their children on these topics. Available from Ascension Press.

The Messy Family Project
Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of ten children, aim to empower parents, strengthen marriage and bring families to Christ. This is done through their podcast, short videos, downloadable resources and live events.

Parenting with Heart: A Guide to Parenting Based upon the Call to Love as We Are Loved
The generous love of God, who has loved us first and loved us into being, serves as the model for parents and those who take the role of parent: grandparents, mentors, and caregivers. The purpose of the guide is to support parents and families to respond to the call to be the Domestic Church, a communion of life, of love, and of grace. In this program we reflect on God’s love for us and how God’s love can guide us in our role as parents. We also draw on lessons from the field of parent education. Together, they form the basis of Parenting with Heart. Complimentary copies of the Facilitator’s Guide and the Participant’s “Tool Kit” are available upon request.

Contact: Christine Rybka-Miki and Paul Miki at whisperinggrace1@gmail.com

Teaching the Way of Love
Teaching the Way of Love is a program for Catholic parents that encourages and empowers them to embrace their role as the primary educators of their children, especially in the areas of moral and personal development.

You: Life, Love, and the Theology of the Body
A complete study course for high school students about love, sexuality, chastity, gender and more. Also a good resource for parents who want to engage their children on these topics; there is a separate Parent’s Guide. Available from Ascension Press.

General Marriage Enrichment

Better Marriages
An international nonprofit, nonsectarian organization that provides enrichment opportunities and resources to strengthen couple relationships and enhance personal growth, mutual fulfillment, and family wellness.

Contact: 800-634-8325 or acme@bettermarriages.org

Couple Communication
Couples learn 11 interpersonal skills for effective talking and listening, plus processes for better decision making, conflict resolution, and anger management.

Contact: 800-328-5099 or icp@comskills.com

Franklin Covey’s Marriage, Family, Youth and Community Initiatives
This engaging, experiential curricula, including The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage, is based on Stephen Covey’s best-seller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Contact: 800-827-1776

Institute for Soul Healing Love
Non-profit, non-denominational institute designed to strengthen marriages and families. Classes also assist low-income families and minorities to improve life skills through communication and relationship development.

Contact: 704-364-9176 or info@SoulHealingLove.com

Marriage Builders, Inc.
Marriage Builders helps couples learn how to build and maintain a mutually enjoyable marriage.

Contact: 651-762-8570 or Admin@MarriageBuilders.com

Marriage Friendly Therapists
Marriage Friendly Therapists is a nationwide network of marriage/couples counselors who want your relationship to thrive. Each therapist is specifically trained in couples counseling and has met eligibility requirements to make this roster. Most importantly, the health of your relationship is valued by every counselor you will find here; we want to help you find the joy of a deeply meaningful relationship.

PAIRS: Practical Application of Relationship Skills
Established in 1975, PAIRS teaches practical skills for building and rebuilding great relationships. Effective with couples at any stage from premarital to deeply troubled.

Contact: 877-PAIRS-4U or info@pairs.com

PREP: The Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program
Based on over twenty years of research, PREP teaches marital/premarital couples how to communicate effectively, work as a team, solve problems, manage conflict, and preserve and enhance love and commitment. Available in Spanish.
800-366-0166 or 303-759-9931
Info@PREPinc.com

Relationship Enhancement (including MML) Programs
Couples learn skills to increase mutual understanding and emotional responsiveness; resolve conflicts; establish more satisfying behavior patterns, and enhance relationships with children and co-workers. Participant’s manual available in Spanish.

Contact: Bernard Guerney, Ph.D., Rob Scuka, Ph.D. and Mary Ortwein, MS, 502-227-0055 or 301-680-6977, admin@skillswork.org or niremd@nire.org

Partners on the Journey
This marriage enrichment series combines a Catholic theology of marriage with findings from scientific research by Dr. John Gottman to offer couples both inspiration and practical help. For group facilitators or for couples to take home.

ThinkMarriage.org
Offers an affordable way to improve relationship skills from the comfort of your own home. Online, skills-based, Healthy Relationship Webinars include topics to help build intimacy, trust and gain new communication skills. Each Webinar is directed by a certified relationship coach or educator. Individuals as well as couples can benefit.
info@thinkmarriage.org

For Further Reading:

Support for Troubled Marriages

Every marriage hits its rough spots. Pope Francis noted in his apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia that “the life of every family is marked by all kinds of crises.” He goes on to say, “Couples should be helped to realize that surmounting a crisis need not weaken their relationship…Each crisis becomes an apprenticeship in growing closer together or learning a little more about what it means to be married. There is no need for couples to resign themselves to an inevitable downward spiral or a tolerable mediocrity” (no. 232).

If you are struggling in your marriage, take heart! The Church cares about you and wants you and your spouse to find healing and a renewed sense of love. Below are organizations dedicated to helping couples in crisis. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help; your marriage matters, and the Church is here for you.

Also see our Marriage Rx and Overcoming Obstacles section for advice on specific challenges.

If you or a loved one is struggling with pornography use or addiction, please see our page focused on help for men and women struggling with pornography.

The Alexander House: Marriage Disciples
This couple-to-couple program has helped thousands of couples rediscover the joy and happiness in their marriage by walking with them and sharing practical ways to live out God’s plan for their marriage.
Greg Alexander
210-858-6195
greg@thealexanderhouse.org

BAN – Beyond Affairs Network
An International Support Group with local chapters for people recovering from the devastating experience of a spouse’s affair.
Anne and Brian Bercht
360-306-3367
info@beyondaffairs.com

COMPASSION WORKSHOPS: Anger & Violence Regulation
Educational programs for individuals and families that deal with the detection, treatment and prevention of abuse (home study/self-training kit available).
Steven Stosny, PhD
301-921-2010
stosny@compassionpower.com

Courage Apostolate
A Catholic ministry dedicated to help men and women who experience same-sex attraction reach the freedom of interior chastity through the loving support of others and the graces of the sacraments. Support is offered to both single and married persons, in line with Catholic teaching. Visit the Courage website to learn more and to find a local chapter: https://couragerc.org/

Divorce Busting Programs
Trained coaches support couples who want to save their marriage.
Michele Weiner-Davis
800-664-2435 or 815-337-8000
virginia@divorcebusting.com

The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
The death of a child is the most traumatic and devastating experience any parent can face. At a minimum, parents feel totally alone because their spouse is usually at a very different place in their grief journey. Spouses often cannot understand or accept coping mechanisms used by each other, and they may blame each other, secretly or openly, for the death. However, many grieving parents have found that the rich teachings of the Catholic Church that life has changed for those who have died, not ended, does bring peace, comfort, and hope. The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents is a Catholic ministry dedicated to serving the spiritual needs of parents whose children of any age have died by any cause—no matter how long ago. It offers One-Hour, One-Day, and Weekend Spiritual Retreats for grieving parents given by grieving parents and spiritual leaders. See www.emfgp.org for more information.

Hope Springs Florida
A nonprofit organization that helps families with a child with special needs re-energize and restore healthy relationships. HSF offers more than a vacation respite home for those with autism; it offers hope to working class families in a seaside environment by handling all the details necessary for a relaxing vacation. This includes airport and ground transportation, dietary and sensory need accommodation, and preferred access to recreational activities near historic Saint Augustine, FL. HSF is founded on the principle of hope, as expressed by Pope Francis: “When there is no human hope, there is that hope that carries us forward, humble, simple—but it gives a joy, at times a great joy, at times only of peace, but the security that hope does not disappoint: hope doesn’t disappoint.”

For more information, contact Joe Rodgers at 614-886-5510 or rodgers_2244@hotmail.com.

National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists
This group lists therapists with many years of training and experience in marriage and couples therapy who are dedicated to helping marriages succeed if at all possible.

Pastoral Tele-Counseling Services
The Pastoral Solutions Institute provides over 8000 hours/year of ongoing, Catholic-integrated counseling services via the telephone to couples, families and individuals. Combining insights from our Catholic faith with empirically validated psychological techniques, our counselors help clients find practical and grace-filled solutions to difficult marriage, family, and personal problems. Our counselors are all licensed at the highest level, have additional training in pastoral theology, and are faithful to the Magisterium.
740-266-6461

Retrouvaille
A weekend experience combined with a series of 6-12 post-weekend sessions over three months. The main emphasis of the program is on communication in marriage between husband and wife. There are neither group dynamics nor group discussion on the weekend.
800-470-2230

The Third Option
An ongoing group program for marriages. It combines 14 unique skill-building workshops, sharing by mentor couples who have overcome marital problems, and a support group component. Because it uses a “self-change” model, one spouse may come alone.
Andrea Buckley
855-624-9476
andrea@thethirdoption.com

Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this page is provided solely for your information and should not be interpreted as an official endorsement of the organizations, programs, and websites listed. To the best of our knowledge, the information listed here did not conflict with Catholic teaching and was accurate at the time of posting.