Author Archives: Robert Fletcher

About Robert Fletcher

I am the Senior Web Developer at Crosby Marketing.

Why Marry in the Catholic Church?

If you are beginning to dream about getting married you may also be thinking about where to hold your wedding ceremony. Every couple wants their wedding to be a memorable event and wants the ceremony to have a special meaning. The wedding day is one of the most important days in a couple’s life. You probably have friends who have found very creative ways to celebrate this day. Some may have selected natural settings such as beaches or mountains, or intimate settings such a parent’s or a friend’s home.

If you and/or your fiance(e) is Catholic, you are expected to marry in a Catholic church unless you have received permission to marry elsewhere. But marrying in a church is much more than an obligation. It’s an opportunity to hold a celebration that is joyful and meaningful, one that can have a positive impact on the rest of your married life.

What can be more romantic than the centuries old tradition of walking down the aisle in a parish church full of family and friends? What is more reassuring for the couple than being surrounded by the people who love them and who will give them ongoing support? What is more meaningful than reciting wedding vows handed down by Christian tradition? What is more awe inspiring than a rite through which you enter a spiritual reality where God unites you as husband and wife and gives you an important mission?

In the Catholic tradition, husband and wife accept a role in God’s plan for humanity. They are to be ambassadors of God’s love. Through their love for each other they show God’s deep love for us, and they collaborate with God to keep humanity alive. The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament, a vehicle for God’s graces to the couple and to the community.

The Vow of Permanence

The focal point of any wedding ceremony is the exchange of vows. The vows are not simply a ritual that defines the relationship of two people in love. They are much more. They are a sacred pact through which the spouses embrace each other and, together, embrace Christ as their partner. The pledge they make is unbreakable because through their union with Christ they participate in the unbreakable pact between God and humanity: the covenant that was sealed in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

A permanent commitment is an inherent attribute of the marital relationship. All couples who marry want their marriage to last a lifetime. Researchers tell us that the presence of an irrevocable commitment contributes to the happiness of the spouses. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, the authors of The Case for Marriage, write: “Having a partner who is committed for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, makes people happier and healthier.”

But married life is difficult and today many couples find it hard to keep their promises. Many young people have grown up experiencing the pain of divorce. While wanting to marry, they find it hard to believe that marriages can last a lifetime. They are afraid to commit. One of the benefits of a sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church is the power of God’s grace, which helps spouses keep their commitment and find happiness together. Social scientists are finding that couples who recognize God’s presence in their relationship are most satisfied in their marriages and are least likely to put their children, families and friends through the pain of a divorce.

Experiencing God’s Grace

Couples of faith are more successful and satisfied in marriage not because they have fewer problems than anyone else. What helps these couples grow and overcome obstacles is the help they find in God’s grace. Recently we asked some couples: “How do you experience God’s grace in your marriage?”

A wife married 28 years said: “We experience God’s grace in our marriage through the seasons of our life. He was present when we were newlyweds, when we had young children, and he is present now that we are empty nesters. He gives us strength in the tough times and celebrates with us the good times.”

A husband married 43 years said, “I experience God’s grace in the love and support I receive from my wife. Her care and patience are gifts I do not deserve. They are grace.”

Another husband married 15 years said, “I feel God’s grace when life gets out of control — loss of a job. I know I can turn to God and find the courage I need to carry on.”

A wife married 20 years said, “There are times when we are having an argument and we go to church still upset with each other. We hear a reading that speaks right to us. We look at each other and smirk because we know that God has touched our stubbornness. This is grace.”

God’s grace is all around because the spouses do not travel their journey alone. Blessed Pope John Paul II said: “Jesus does not stand by and leave you alone to face the challenge. He is always with you to transform your weakness into strength. Trust him when he says: ‘My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ (2 Cor. 12:9)”

Marriage in the Catholic Church is attractive not only because of its meaningful rituals and traditions, but because of its impact on your life and happiness. Couples can fully appreciate its value they look at married life through the eyes of faith. Then you will see your wedding not as a one-day event but as the door to a great adventure that will last the rest of your life, a journey that involves not just you and your spouse but one that includes God, your children, your community and all of society. Marriage is not an isolated relationship. The family based on marriage is the fundamental cell of human society. The Catholic Church invites you to give meaning to your life by embracing the vocation of marriage and forming a family that is dedicated to cultivating and sharing God’s love.

When you are ready to make your commitment, speak to your pastor and ask for his guidance on preparing for such a noble vocation.

When Dad Is a Fan

I can always tell when my husband is on the phone with his dad. He stops whatever he is doing, walks outside and starts smiling in anticipation of his dad’s latest joke. My father-in-law just survived his third heart attack but continues to enjoy life and see the humor in it all. What a blessing to have a father who, after riding the waves of life with his children, emerges with a smile. Fathers do that. They bring levity to the weight of daily living.

It’s widely held that children formulate the image of their heavenly father based on their relationship with their earthly fathers. So, in 1989 when our oldest was about six and Bart Simpson made his TV series debut, I banned the show from our house. Recently, our oldest son asked, “Mom, why didn’t you want us to watch Bart Simpson?”

Homer, Bart’s dad, was always messing up and treated as an incompetent buffoon. I answered my son, “You have a wonderful dad. You and your three brothers are probably going to be fathers someday so how would planting those seeds benefit four impressionable minds?”

Fathers are unique in their parenting styles but similar in the fact that they are like foundations of homes; they hold up, hold together and keep the family safe from whatever life throws at them. Interestingly, like a foundation, the powerful role they play is sometimes hidden from view.

Growing up in the 60’s, my mom was the “coach” of our family and somehow managed the seven kids, three pets and a full time job. My dad was her best friend, devoted partner and “the team’s” ultimate fan.

As teenagers, Mom would review the curfew rules before we left the house. After she had laid down the law, we’d head toward the front door to leave. Dad would walk over to us and whisper, “Remember. Call me anytime. I will pick you up. No questions asked.” Although he consistently supported “the coach” we always knew he had our backs.

As a mother of four sons, I’ve spent years warming bleachers while spectating a variety of athletes. In my humble opinion, the one that most closely compares to the life of a father is a soccer player.

Regardless of the weather, he shows up. In preparation for the game, he puts on his shin guards because he knows protecting himself from injury is a good idea. No matter where the ball is, he pays attention to the whole field and anticipates the next play. He is a team player and readily offers encouragement. When on offense he has a goal in mind. When on defense, he protects and defends. He is quick on his feet and skillful. He runs for 90 minutes and on many occasions never scores a goal. This does not defeat him because he knows it’s not the individual, it is the team that matters. Win or lose, he shakes hands, goes home and gets ready for the next game.

Recently, I’ve noticed that our sons call their dad’s cell twice as much as they call mine. I’m learning to put away my whistle and get out my pom-poms. As young men, they no longer need a coach. They are much better served by a steadfast, accessible and encouraging fan.

Married Saint: St. Thomas More

Thomas MoreBorn: February 7, 1478
Died: July 6, 1535
Feast Day: June 22
Patronage: Attorneys, Civil Servants, Court Clerks, Lawyers, Politicians, Public Servants, Adopted Children

Marriage is both a public institution and a private relationship. St. Thomas More defended the institution with his life and lived the relationship faithfully and fruitfully.

More was born in 1478 in London. His mother died when he was young. After an excellent education, he seriously considered joining a religious order, but realized that he could not renounce marriage and family life. In 1505 he married Jane Colt, 10 years his junior. The marriage was a happy one, cut short by Jane’s death at 22.

Left a widower with four small children, More quickly married Alice Middleton, a silk merchant. Known for her sharp tongue, Alice faced the tough task of raising her stepchildren—she and More had no children of their own—and running the household. One biographer observed: “In this marriage—whatever may have been lacking in beauty—there was at no time a lack of mutual respect or of a clear understanding as to the competence of each spouse.”

More paid close attention to the religious upbringing of us children, and well as their general education. He made sure that his three daughters received as fine an education as his son, at a time when few girls were educated.

Thomas More was a lawyer, writer (“Utopia”) and statesman. He is best known for his clash with King Henry VIII over the king’s decision to divorce his wife and marry Anne Boleyn. He refused to take an oath that declared the king’s first marriage invalid and that recognized Henry as head of the Church of England. He was convicted of treason on the basis of perjured testimony and beheaded on July 6, 1535.

More was canonized in 1935. He shares his feast day, June 22, with another English martyr, St. John Fisher.

St. Thomas More, pray for us. 

For further reflection:

Wanted: A Handbook for Mothers

The thing about being a mom is that you never really know how it’s going to go until you find yourself in the middle of it. About a year after we were married, I went to the doctor because I had a daily case of mild nausea that just wouldn’t quit. She informed me that I was three months pregnant.

Still in shock the following morning, I walked into work as white as a ghost. After telling my co-workers, they laughed and said, “Oh honey! We’ve known that for months.”

Before I became a mom I knew babies were cute but I never wanted to hold them or get too close. I thought puppies and kittens were far more endearing. All that changed the minute I laid eyes on our first child. With this tiny miracle in my arms, I had discovered the definition of love.

Surprisingly, I was pretty good at the baby/toddler stages. All day long, I’d scoop them up in my arms and cover them with kisses. I could basically solve any issue with a cookie and a book. But as the years progressed, kisses, cookies and books were no longer effective problem solvers.

Our four children were boys with similar interests but individually, they were uniquely wired. Just when I thought I had the “Mom Game” figured out, the rules seem to change and I was back to reading the directions.

I have to hand it to our sons; they were relentless when they wanted something. One afternoon I was having an argument with one of them. We were standing in the kitchen and although I am unable to remember the contentious issue, I vividly recall that for every legitimate, rational answer I had, he had a legitimate, rational response. We were getting nowhere. Suddenly, in the midst of the yelling, I had a light bulb moment.

I quietly said, “You think I know what I am doing.” He looked at me as if I had three heads and said, “Well, you act like you know what you are doing!” “Exactly,” I said. “I am acting. I do not know what I am doing.”

My honest admission altered our relationship. From that day on, I was able to share the undeniable fact with all our boys that although I did not have a “Bonanno Mothering Handbook” to follow, I was giving it my very best shot. To foster a bit of empathy, I always added, “Believe it or not, someday you will find yourself in the same spot.”

Years ago I was playing in the yard with our boys and feeling a bit discouraged. Watching us from her window, my elderly neighbor came out, walked gingerly across the grass, leaned over the fence and said, “I wish I had enjoyed my children the way you do.” Encouragement is a beautiful thing. It’s what moms do best.

Whether we’re mothering our own children or the child of a family member or friend, once God plants the seed of a child’s love in our hearts, we will forever nurture, comfort and hold them in prayer.

And as all mothers know, we will also be periodically confounded and eagerly searching for those ever evasive mothering handbooks and directions.

Married Saint: St. Rita of Cascia

Born: 1381
Died: May 22, 1457
Feast Day: May 22
Patronage: Difficult Marriages, Impossible Causes, Infertility, Parenthood

Most of the saints in this series enjoyed marriages that were happy and peaceful. St. Rita of Cascia did not. By all accounts Rita’s husband abused her, and during the 14th century abused wives had no alternative but to remain in the home.

Rita’s story begins with her birth in 1381 to a pious Italian couple. Rita, an only child, wished to enter the convent but her parents insisted that she marry. They chose a man named Paolo Mancini who, although rich, was known for his violent temper. The marriage went well at first and the couple had two sons. Gradually, however, Paolo’s rages and abusive behavior resurfaced, with Rita as the victim. Moreover, Paolo became involved in political activities that made him many enemies.

Rita persisted in prayer and good example. Finally, recognizing how much pain he had caused Rita, Paolo begged her forgiveness, which she gave. Unfortunately, the couple’s reconciliation was short-lived as Paolo was murdered in a blood feud.

Rita forgave her husband’s murderers, but her sons vowed revenge. Before they could act, however, both were killed by dysentery that swept through the village. Rita was both a widow and childless.

Rita was able to reconcile her family with her husband’s murderers. With the conflict resolved she entered the convent at age 36, where she lived a life of prayer and penance until her death in 1457.

St. Rita was canonized in 1900. Her feast day is celebrated on May 22. In many countries St. Rita is the patron saint of abused wives and grieving mothers.

St. Rita of Cascia, pray for us. 

All marriages go through rough patches. Patience, persistence and spiritual resources such as prayer and the sacraments can help couples to survive marital storms. Domestic abuse, however, is another matter. No woman is expected to stay in a marriage where her life, or the lives of her children, is in danger. See more information on domestic abuse.

For further reflection:

Married Saint: St. Gianna Molla

St. GiannaBorn: October 4, 1922
Died: April 28, 1962
Feast Day: April 28
Patronage: Mothers, Physicians, and Unborn Children

St. Gianna Berretta Molla was born in 1922 near Milan in Italy.

After completing secondary school, she decided to study medicine, specializing in pediatrics. Once she had completed her medical degree, St. Gianna considered joining her brother, a missionary priest in Brazil. However, in late 1954 she met Pietro Molla, an engineer and fellow member of Catholic Action. It became clear that she was called to the vocation of marriage. She and Pietro were married in September 1955.

Gianna and Pietro already had three children when she became pregnant in 1961. Early in the pregnancy, a dangerous fibroma was discovered on her uterus. Choosing the route of treatment least dangerous to her unborn child, Gianna underwent surgery to remove the fibroma.

The operation was successful and the baby survived, but Gianna knew that complications could develop. She made her wishes clear to her family, saying, “This time it will be a difficult delivery, and they may have to save one or the other — I want them to save my baby.”

On April 21, 1962, Gianna’s fourth child, Gianna Emanuella, was successfully delivered via Caesarean section. However, Gianna continued to have severe pain, and died of infection seven days after her daughter’s birth.

Pope John Paul II canonized Gianna Molla on May 16, 2004. Her husband and youngest child were present at the canonization ceremony. St. Gianna’s feast day is April 28.

St. Gianna Molla, pray for us.

For further reading

Married Saint: Bl. Peter To Rot

bl-peter-to-rotBorn: 1912
Died: 1945
Feast Day: July 7

Blessed Peter To Rot was born and lived most of his life in Rakunai, Papua New Guinea.

Peter’s father was a respected chief and village leader. Both his parents were converts to Catholicism. Peter attended Catholic missionary schools and at age 18 was sent to Catechist School. At 21 he returned to Rakunai and became the youngest catechist. Blessed Peter taught catechism to the village children, instructed adults in the faith and visited the sick.

At 22 he married Paula Ia Varpit. The couple had three children, one of whom was born after Peter’s death. The marriage was not only happy but exemplary—the couple prayed together every morning and evening.

In 1942 the Japanese invaded Papua New Guinea and put all priests and religious into prison. Because of this, Peter took on many new pastoral responsibilities, such as witnessing marriages, baptizing newborns, and presiding at funerals.

Although the Japanese did not outlaw all Catholic practices at first, they soon reintroduced polygamy in Papua New Guinea in hopes of gaining the support of several local chiefs. Peter To Rot opposed the legalization of polygamy, and continued to preach the Catholic teaching on marriage.

Because of his opposition, he was imprisoned and then murdered in 1945. He was given a chief’s burial at the cemetery next to the church where he had ministered. His people immediately recognized him as a martyr for the faith.

Pope John Paul II beatified Peter To Rot on January 17, 1995.

Bl. Peter To Rot, pray for us.

For further reading:

Married Saint: Bl. Giuseppe Tovini

Born: March 14, 1841
Died: January 16, 1897
Feast Day: January 16

Beatified in 1998, Giuseppe Tovini may not be a name that is familiar to readers. Giuseppe Antonio Tovini was born in 1841 into a devout family in far northern Italy, the eldest of seven children. Giuseppe’s childhood was uneventful. He progressed through school to university, where he chose to study the law. But before he finished his studies, his life took a more difficult turn, as first his father and then his mother died, leaving him to support his younger brothers and sisters.

Giuseppe’s first job was as a teacher and assistant principal at a technical school, where he gained a special interest in education. At around the same time, he began what would be a life-long parallel career of public service, as head of the city government in his hometown, Cividate Camuno. From the beginning, Giuseppe treated his political duties as a form of stewardship, paying off the town’s debts and improving roads and bridges.

When his term in the city government was over, Giuseppe moved to nearby Brescia in order to increase his law practice. There he met Emilia Corbolani, the daughter of one of the partners in his firm, with whom he fell in love. Three years later the couple got engaged and they married after a four-year engagement in 1875.

Even though Giuseppe was busy with work and public activities, he and Emilia had a happy domestic life. He made a point of writing letters to her whenever he had to be away from home. Their family steadily grew and they welcomed ten children over the 22 years they were married.

Emilia and Giuseppe ran a strict but loving household. They particularly believed that it was important to teach their children the faith and to pass on a strong work ethic. Although Giuseppe had high expectations of his children, he was known as patient and gentle father.

As his family increased, so did Giuseppe’s public work. He continued to hold public office and became very active in Catholic Action, serving for many years as an organizer for and participant in the Catholic Congresses. Among his many, many other endeavors, he founded two banks in order to provide low-interest funding to charitable organizations.

Giuseppe’s open involvement in both civic life and Catholic organizations at that time in Italy’s history took courage. Anti-Catholic sentiment was strong during the period of Italy’s unification. Giuseppe fought to preserve the Church’s role in public life in Italy, despite accusations that he was anti-patriotic for doing so.

Giuseppe Tovini died suddenly and peacefully at home in 1897 at the age of 56. He was beatified almost 100 years later by Pope John Paul II.

Bl. Giuseppe Tovini, pray for us. 

Grandparents: Keepers of the Family’s Stories

All families have a unique history comprised of milestone events and peopled by a diverse cast of characters. This history of a family is passed on in the telling of its stories. The richest families are those in which the stories have been remembered, treasured, and incorporated into the spirit of the family.

Grandparents, more than anyone else, are the keepers of the family stories. They are a living bridge between the past and the future of a family. Their intimate connection with the two generations that preceded them and the two that follow gives them a remarkable knowledge and view of the landscape of five generations.

When grandchildren hear the family’s stories they learn who they are and from where they came. Research has shown that children who know something of their roots and the history of their family have stronger self-esteem. Through the family stories, children are given a sense of belonging and they develop a family pride. Stories about the family ancestors tend to build confidence in children and empower them.

Along with self-confidence and family pride, the family stories teach the faith, ethics and values of a family. Our faith stories help us to see how God has worked in the family story and brought us to where we are today. They link us to the good and saintly people who have been part of the family chain, and these people provide models for newer generations. Children need heroes with whom to identify and they are greatly enriched if they can find people in their own families to inspire and give them direction.

Children love long-ago and far-away stories. To them 50 years is long ago and another town, state, or part of the country can be far away. They are captivated by the adventure and excitement of times past and are fans of books like Little House on the Prairie, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Yet, if they could peer into their own family history, they might find stories that would equal any of those they read about. Unfortunately, most of those long-ago and far-away tales have disappeared from family memory.

Few families have held on to more than a couple generations of the family stories. Unless someone in the family tells the stories, they are lost, and when the family stories are lost a piece of the family’s soul and identity is lost. Maintaining and passing on the family stories is a precious gift that grandparents can give to their grandchildren.

Here are some ways that grandparents can share family stories with their grandchildren:

  • Compose and frame a collage of the previous generations of your family.
  • Compile an electonic photo album of past generations for your grandchildren.
  • Write a history of your family.
  • Buy a grandparent book and record your story for your family.
  • Frame your ancestoral pictures and create a gallery wall in your home.
  • Tell stories of what life was like when you were a child. Tell your grandchildren about your parents and grandparents.
  • Create a family cookbook with favorite family recipes and the stories that go with them.
  • Take your grandchildren to visit the ancestoral home and church of your family.
  • Create a family time-line of births, deaths, significant events. Have your grandchildren add their births and discuss how they are part of the larger on-going family.
  • Create a family tree. Include as many generations as you can.
  • Recover the stories – talk to other family members: cousins, aunts, uncles, parents to try to learn more of the family stories.
  • Join an on-line genealogy service such as Ancestory.com to explore more about your family.
  • Tell your grandchild the story of their parent’s childhood.

For Further Reading

  • A Grandparent’s Gift of Memories: A Pilgrimage with the Saints by Nancy Grove. This is a simple yet beautiful journal that interweaves stories of the saints with space for grandparents to share their own wisdom and life experiences with generations to come. Each section of the book starts off with a brief biography about a saint and a short passage from Scripture. The following pages contain questions and room for grandparents to reminisce and write their responses.

This article is based on a chapter from the Aitchisons’ small-group discussion-program, “The Grand Adventure – A New Call to Grandparenting.” More information about this 6-session program, published electronically by the Christian Family Movement, is available on the CFM website.

About the authors
Deacon Gary and Kay Aitchison live in Ames, Iowa and have 14 grandchildren.Over the years, they have shared with many parents and grandparents through their involvement in the Christian Family Movement.

Married Saint: St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Born: August 28, 1774
Died: January 4, 1821
Feast Day: January 4
Patronage: Catholic School, Loss of Parents

Elizabeth Ann Seton was known for her work later in life as foundress of the Sisters of Charity and a pioneer in Catholic education. Because of the importance of this work, it’s easy to overlook her earlier, less obvious accomplishments as wife, mother and friend to the poor. Yet this was the initial context in which she responded to God’s call to holiness and became the first American-born saint.

Elizabeth Bayley Seton was born in New York City on August 28, 1774. Elizabeth experienced a troubled childhood; her mother died when Elizabeth was young and her stepmother rejected her and her sister. At age 19 she married William Seton, a partner in an import-export firm. Elizabeth had always been a devout member of the Anglican Church, and as a young woman she became known for her charity as well, nursing the sick and dying among friends, family and neighbors. She had five children, two of whom pre-deceased her.

William Seton’s company went bankrupt and the family lost their home. When William developed tuberculosis, the couple sailed to the warmer climate of Italy, where he died, leaving Elizabeth a widow at age 29. The Filicchi family, who had befriended the Setons, offered support and financial assistance and introduced Elizabeth to Catholicism. When she returned to the U.S. she was received into the Church in 1805.

The following few years were hard. Anti-Catholic prejudice prevented Elizabeth from establishing a school that would have helped to provide for her children. As she considered the difficult alternatives, she remained a mother above all else. As one of her official biographies points out, “She regarded her five ‘darlings’ as her primary obligation over every other commitment” (National Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton website).

Invited to Baltimore by the Sulpicians, a religious order of men, Elizabeth founded the Sisters of Charity in the spirit of St. Vincent de Paul and St. Louise de Marillac. In 1809 the sisters arrived in Emmitsburg, Maryland and opened St. Joseph’s Free School and Academy. Their numbers grew and the Sisters opened and maintained numerous educational and charitable facilities. Today their work lives on around the world.

Elizabeth died in Emmitsburg on January 4, 1821. Pope Paul VI officially declared her a saint in 1975. Her feast day is January 4.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, pray for us.