Author Archives: Caty Long

“Love and Life” Retreat Day Six: Marriage is a Journey of Human and Spiritual Growth

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
“On their wedding day, the couple says a definitive ‘yes’ to their vocation of marriage. Then the real work of marriage begins” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 45). Each stage of marriage has its own joys and sorrows, opportunities and challenges. A couple grows in holiness by journeying with Christ through the mystery of His life and that of His Passion, Death, Resurrection, and Glorious Ascension (the Paschal Mystery).

Pope Francis emphasizes in Amoris Laetitia that married love is “a process of constant growth,” such that “a love that fails to grow is at risk” (no. 134). The Paschal Mystery unfolds again and again throughout marriage and invites spouses to continually grow in love. There are Holy Thursdays, times of loving service when couples put their own needs in second place. There are Good Fridays, times of suffering, tragedies, even death. There are Holy Saturdays, times of waiting and uncertainty when all seems dark and the couple wonders what is to come and even if their marriage will survive. Then there are Easter Sundays, when renewed faith or celebrations such as the marriage of a child or the birth of a grandchild bring new hope. Through all of these moments, a couple can grow in love and holiness.

Reflection
When he returned from his tour in Iraq, the baby was nine months old. He felt like an outsider in his own family. There was no way he could fully explain what his past year had been like, and he had missed so much at home. The baby didn’t know him and certainly didn’t seem to need anyone but Mom. His wife was thrilled that he was home, but she resented that his return had thrown a wrench into her well-established routine. They felt a great distance between them. Memories of the happy days when they were first married helped to give them faith that God meant for them to be together, and they looked with hope to better days ahead. She found support from other military spouses; he found sound advice in his talks with their pastor. Now, their baby is four years old. Their marriage and their family bond are strong. They volunteer as a mentor couple to support other military couples struggling with similar transitions.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

Think of a time from the past when your marriage went through a transition. Describe life before, during and after the transition. What got you through? How was God present to you?
How has surviving a time of trial, either personally or in your marriage, better equipped you to support others who are suffering or struggling?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Love and Life” Retreat Day Five: Marriage is the Foundation of the Family and Society

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
The early Church understood the Christian family as an ecclesia domestica, or domestic Church. “The family is called a “domestic church” because it is a small communion of persons that draws its sustenance from the larger communion that is the whole Body of Christ, the Church, and also reflects the life of the Church so as to provide a kind of summary of it” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 39). The domestic Church rests on the foundation of a baptized husband and wife. They establish a communion of love into which children are welcomed.

By creating a home where love, care and growth in the faith flourish among family members, married couples reflect the life of the Church in the world. Indeed, as Pope Francis says powerfully, “the Church, in order to fully understand her mystery, looks to the Christian family, which manifests her in a real way” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 67). In the family, parents teach their children how to pray, how to embrace God’s loving commandments, and how to grow in virtue and holiness. The Christian family that celebrates the sacraments, especially the Eucharist, establishes a reciprocal relationship between the family and the entire Body of Christ that is the Church.

Reflection
Whenever he heard an ambulance siren, he offered a prayer for those involved in the accident or medical emergency. When the family pet passed away, she took care to bury it lovingly in the garden. Their Catholic faith was evident in the artwork on the walls and in the simple prayers offered at table and at bedtime. Sundays were sacred days for church, a big meal, and rest from work in favor of a fun family activity. They celebrated the anniversary of their child’s baptism with ice cream sundaes, and always managed to pull together a group of neighbors for Christmas caroling. Their children saw and treasured these rituals of family life.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

What does your family do that brings you together?
What opportunities for passing on your faith are uniquely present in family life (that don’t usually happen at church)?
In your home, identify some reminders of God’s presence. What can you add to or change about your home to increase your awareness of God in your daily life?

Prayer for Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Love and Life” Retreat Day Four: Marriage is a Sacrament of Christ’s Love

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
“[Jesus] heals marriage and restores it to its original purity of permanent self-giving in one flesh” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 30). But the Lord does not stop there. Christ generously invites husband and wife to participate in His spousal love for his Church. Christian spouses are drawn into this love by the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage, so that their own love might reflect the loving communion of the Blessed Trinity. In this way, the marriage of two baptized Christians becomes a living and effective sign: a sign which makes present the union of Christ with His Church (see Eph 5:21-33).

Jesus is truly present in His followers and in their marriages. Practically, this means that when life’s difficulties press in on husband and wife, they are not alone. Though they remain fallible and weak human beings, Christian spouses can rely on Jesus to help them to continue in love even when it seems impossible. As Pope Francis says, “God’s indulgent love always accompanies our human journey; through grace, it heals and transforms hardened hearts, leading them back to the beginning through the way of the cross” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 62). The Lord never abandons marriages and families, but gives them the grace to find true healing and happiness.

Reflection
She had felt that the world was crashing around her when she learned of her husband’s affair. Still, she was determined to fight for her marriage, and he wanted desperately to heal what he had damaged. Popular wisdom was not on their side, and people let her know it, too. After tears and late-night talks, some angry exchanges, and lots of counseling and prayer, she and her husband reconciled. She would say it was faith that made the difference, but mostly they don’t explain their decision to others. They just say, “We’re married.” That was 10 years ago, and new friends would never guess what they went through. Most couples will not be so severely tested, but a failure to be forgiving can make even small faults—leaving the cap off the toothpaste, poor hygiene, or weak cooking skills—destructive to a marriage.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

How has the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage sustained you in difficult times?
What are some of the joyful things about being married? What are some of the challenges? Can something be both joyful and challenging?

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Love and Life” Retreat Day Three: Marriage is a Communion of Love and Life

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
In creating man and woman for each other, God made marriage to be love-giving and life-giving. We call these two purposes or “ends” of marriage the unitive and the procreative. They are inseparably connected because of the very nature of conjugal love, by which a spouse desires to give everything to his or her beloved: a total gift of self (see USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, pp. 15-16).

When a man and a woman exchange marital consent, they establish a partnership for the whole of life. They mutually vow an exclusive fidelity that is open to the procreation and nurture of children. “The gift of a new child, entrusted by the Lord to a father and a mother, begins with acceptance, continues with lifelong protection and has as its final goal the joy of eternal life” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 166). In participating in God’s love, husband and wife are empowered to make a total gift of self to each other. This gift of love is always fruitful, even for couples who are not blessed with children. As Pope Francis says beautifully, “Love refuses every impulse to close in on itself; it is open to a fruitfulness that draws it beyond itself” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 80).

Reflection
When they were newlyweds, both were sure that this was the one person who completed their world. They thought they could never love each other more. When they found they could not have biological children, they adopted their little girl and discovered a new dimension to their love. The day they first held her in their arms, they suddenly saw each other in a new light: Mom and Dad. In becoming parents, they began to understand something new about why God had brought them together. Their feelings of great joy were accompanied by feelings of overwhelming responsibility; they knew they would need God’s help.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

If you are a parent, how has your child (or children) been a blessing to you? How have you changed for the better since becoming a parent?
If you do not have children, how do you expect that having a child would change your marriage?
How can couples continue to strengthen their marriage when they become parents?

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Love and Life” Retreat Day Two: Marriage is the Unique Union of a Man and a Woman

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
In the beginning, God created man and woman in his image, “male and female He created them” (Gn 1:27). God planned that man and woman would be made “for each other”: “they are equal as persons…and complementary as masculine and feminine” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 372), “uniquely suited to be partners or helpmates for each other” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 10). In a particular way, when a man and woman marry, they beautifully and uniquely complement each other. “The family is entrusted to a man, a woman and their children, so that they may become a communion of persons in the image of the union of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit” (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 29).

Although each individual person is irreducibly unique and fundamentally equal in dignity, obvious differences exist between men and women, and these differences are blessed by God. These differences can be seen not only in biological terms, but also in how we think, express ourselves, and even pray. A most obvious difference can be seen in the distinct gifts a man and a woman bring to sexual intercourse. Together, they jointly hold the potential to unite in the most profound way and to bring new life into the world. The “one flesh” union of husband and wife in marriage shows that their differences are a foundation for a beautiful unity.

Reflection
She proudly thinks of herself as a multi-tasker, able to juggle many things at once. Her husband might counter that he likes to concentrate on one thing at a time, focusing his attention on the task at hand. She may need to share her worries; he may be surprised to find that she isn’t expecting him to fix them. He discovers that she needs to talk and relax into feeling romantic; she wishes he figured that out sooner. The beauty of marriage is that spouses have a lifetime to understand and appreciate their differences. Vive la difference!

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

Name one or two ways your spouse approaches problems that differ from the way you like to do things.
As a man or a woman, what unique qualities do you bring to relationships, at work and in your family?
How does being a man (or a woman) impact how you approach your relationship with God?

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Love and Life” Retreat Day One: Marriage is a Blessing and a Gift

For a printable PDF version, click here.

Breaking Open the Theme
“Among the many blessings that God has showered upon us in Christ is the blessing of marriage, a gift bestowed by the Creator from the creation of the human race” (USCCB, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, p. 1). The vocation to marriage is inscribed in the very nature of man and woman (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1603). As a natural institution, marriage has certain God-given characteristics. It is the permanent, faithful union of a man and a woman, intended for the good of the spouses and the bearing and raising of children.

Marriage was redeemed by Christ and elevated by Him to become one of the seven sacraments. In this way, Christ made marriage between a baptized man and a baptized woman a sign or visible embodiment of his love for the Church (see Eph 5:21-33). Sacramental marriage does not replace natural marriage but raises it beyond what husband and wife could achieve on their own, allowing them to share in God’s own divine life. As Pope Francis explains, “The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of commitment. The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses” (Amoris Laetitia, no. 72).

Reflection
Many neighborhoods are blessed to have a married couple who are the true community makers. This is the couple on whom everyone counts to generate enthusiasm for the block party or to welcome new arrivals. When this special couple also happens to be Christians, their positive influence gives the Church a good name and witnesses to Christ’s love. People seek their opinion on moral questions or ask them to pray for their loved ones. They seem to enjoy working together in the yard and on church projects. Their dinner table always has room for another teenager. In such a couple, people witness the natural and supernatural dimensions of marriage, in the flesh.

To Think About
(Choose one or more of the following questions to reflect on by yourself and/or with your spouse)

How has your spouse been a gift to you?
What would you like to do for your spouse that would express your love in a special way?
In what ways can your marriage become a gift to other people, not only to each another?

Prayer of Married Couples
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
so that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Retreat with Pope Francis” Day Seven: Take Forward the Meaning of Family

Pope Francis:
“Do not hide your faith, do not hide Jesus, but carry him into the world and offer the witness of your family life!” (Meeting with Families in the Philippines, January 16, 2015)

Breaking open the theme:
Did you know that families are called to be missionaries? For some families, that may mean moving around the world to share the Gospel with people who don’t know Jesus. But for most families, being missionaries means living the Gospel in the midst of your daily family life: carrying Jesus “into the world,” as Pope Francis says. Offering “the witness of your family life” in the carpool, at work, at soccer practice, in the grocery store. Families are challenged not to be closed in on their own needs and concerns, but to be open to others. A particular witness is being welcoming to people without families or with difficult family situations, for example widows, children of divorce, and single people. “Do not hide Jesus!” Pope Francis exhorts.

Reflection:
At first, Patty and Mike were intimidated by the idea of serving others. Service and evangelization weren’t part of their childhood experiences, and they felt overwhelmed by the demands of their jobs and home life. But they were inspired by the example of another couple at their parish who found simple ways to reach out: calling an elderly widow to check in, making a meal for an ill parishioner, inviting friends to their parish Bible study, and so on. Patty and Mike started to brainstorm how their family could serve others. They started by inviting college students over for dinner, and even that little act of hospitality made their whole family feel more alive.

Put it into Practice:

Pray: Together, ask God to show you how your family can reach out to others right now, in whatever circumstances you are currently in.
Reflect: Talk about families you know who exemplify being missionaries to those around them. Do they give you any ideas?
Do: As a family, choose one way to serve others in the coming months. Keep it simple, and try to involve everyone.

Prayer for Married Couples:
Almighty and eternal God,
You blessed the union of husband and wife
So that we might reflect the union of Christ with his Church:
look with kindness on us.
Renew our marriage covenant.
Increase your love in us,
and strengthen our bond of peace
so that, [with our children],
we may always rejoice in the gift of your blessing.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Retreat with Pope Francis” Day Six: The Family as the Birthplace of Communication and Love

Pope Francis:
“In the family, we learn to embrace and support one another, to discern the meaning of facial expressions and moments of silence, to laugh and cry together….This greatly helps us to understand the meaning of communication as recognizing and creating closeness.” (World Communications Day 2015, January 23, 2015)

Breaking open the theme:
Communication skills are commonly taught in marriage preparation classes, and for good reason. Communication happens every day in a couple’s relationship. Good communication solidifies a relationship while bad communication leads to squabbles and misunderstandings. Pope Francis encourages married couples to see communication as a way of building communion: “creating closeness.” When done respectfully and with love, simple requests, planning the day’s activities, and even constructive criticism can foster a sense of unity. Learning to listen well shows respect to the other person. Families have a unique role in modeling how patient, loving communication is possible.

Reflection:
John and Doreen knew something needed to be changed in the way they spoke to each other. After 22 years of marriage, subtle (or not-so-subtle) tones of disrespect and sarcasm had crept into their words. Both of them often felt hurt and misunderstood. But they wanted to improve their communication, and little by little learned to speak gently and respectfully to each other. It took practice, but they began to see how asking politely for the salt and listening attentively to the other person’s story created a renewed sense of unity and closeness.

Put it into Practice:

Pray: Prayer is a kind of communication, with God! Try praying out loud with your family, sharing with your loving Father the ups and downs of your day.
Reflect: What are your “triggers” for bad communication? For example, do you tend to communicate poorly when you are rushing out the door, or when you’re tired? Talk about how you can better deal with those situations.
Do: Spend a half hour in heartfelt communication with your spouse: make eye contact, have no distractions, and be attentive. Take turns, and notice how pleasant it is to be heard.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Retreat with Pope Francis” Day Five: Three Pillars of the Spousal Relationship

Pope Francis:
“Faithfulness, perseverance, and fruitfulness are the three pillars of Christ’s love for His bride, the Church – three characteristics that are also at the heart of Christian marriage.” (Mass in Casa Santa Marta with Fifteen Married Couples, June 11, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
When constructing a building, a blueprint is essential. When getting married, a bride and groom find the “blueprint” for their marriage in Jesus Christ. Looking at Jesus, husbands and wives see the “pillars” of their marital home, as Pope Francis so aptly described. Christ’s love is faithful: he will never leave or forsake his beloved, the Church. Christ’s love perseveres: he told his disciples, “I am with you always, until the end of the age” (Mt 28:20). Christ’s love is fruitful: “Whoever remains in me…will bear much fruit” (Jn 15:5). Fidelity, perseverance, and fruitfulness are the “pillars” that hold up the marital home, making it a place of peace and joy for all its members.

Reflection:
Runners know all about perseverance. There’s a moment in every run – maybe the 10 mile mark, maybe the 1-lap mark – when the body protests, “No more!” and every pace is painful. But if you fight through the discomfort, on the other side is a second wind. Marriage, too, has moments where one more minute feels impossible. Veteran married couples advise to take a deep breath, say a prayer, seek help, but by all means, keep going! The best is yet to come.

Put it into Practice:

Pray: Read Psalm 136 together with your spouse; “God’s love endures forever” (NAB).
Reflect: Think back on a time when the going got tough. How did you get through it? Maybe you’re in a tough time now; don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Do: Reach out to another married couple you know and invite them to a night of prayer and fellowship.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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“Retreat with Pope Francis” Day Three: The Family is the Domestic Church

Pope Francis:
“Families are the domestic Church, where Jesus grows; he grows in the love of spouses, he grows in the lives of children.” (National Convocation of the “Renewal of the Spirit,” June 4, 2014)

Breaking open the theme:
The family can be seen as a domestic Church in two main ways, as explained in the bishops’ pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan (pp. 38ff). First, the family is a community that is nourished by the Church, especially through the Sacraments. Second, the family is a reflection of the life of the Church. It is called to be a place of faith, hope and love, just like the larger Church. The love of Christ abides and “grows” in the family, as Pope Francis said. In the domestic Church, spouses and children learn how to share Christ’s love. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “Here [in the home] one learns endurance and the joy of work, fraternal love, generous — even repeated — forgiveness, and above all divine worship in prayer and the offering of one’s life” (no. 1657).

Reflection:
When Dave and Katie were dating and engaged, they often went to Mass together or prayed a rosary together. As they started their journey as a married couple, they quickly realized how essential these times of prayer were. They noticed that when they slacked in their faith life together, their marital happiness decreased too. But when they relied on the Sacraments and participated in the life of the Church, they found it easier to mirror that life of love in their own relationship. As Dave and Katie’s first child Maria grew, she began to imitate the loving and prayerful acts that her parents demonstrated, and the family grew together as a domestic Church.

Put it into practice:

Pray: Read Philippians 4:6-7 together with your spouse.
Reflect: How do you incorporate prayer in your marriage? In the lives of your children?
Do: If you don’t have prayer as part of your nighttime routine, add it tonight. Consider the Ignatian “examen” in honor of Pope Francis’s Jesuit vocation.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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